Feeling like a piece of shit...

Today is a bad day. I don't have an awful lot to get excited about but a fortnight ago I was short listed for an art prize and on the same day had found out that the little chinese pot I bought in a charity shop was of interest to the Homes and Antiques magazine they published a pic of the pot and I had to wait until today to find out how much the pot was worth! Exciting stuff eh!!! started feeling really high with anticipation waited a week and found out that my painting hasn't made the final selection process and the little pot is worth £20 quid. What an absolute load of fucking shite! I deserved at the very least to of been selected for the RWA urghhhhhhhh..... feel like a failure again not very positive and quite frankly back to shitty square one.......whats the fucking point in this existence?????????? I literally had to force the green juice down my neck this morning and I did it with tears streaming down my face, its ridiculous fighting to stay a live for what?????? god only knows literally????? This was going to be a optimistic post on Hemp Oil however after today I need to regain some composure and sit on that particular post for a while. Don't want fucking cancer, don't want to take shit loads of supplements and other chemicals just too stay a live and don't know how I'm gonna carry on at the moment. Basically ITS ALL A LOAD OF ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHIT! and also wanted to add that for the first time in 3 years and 8 months I WANT A FUCKING SMOKE!