Its been ages since I last wrote a post so I thought I'd better bring you all up to date. My father had a stroke earlier on this year and after nearly 8 weeks in hospital he was released, unfortunately they released him way to early, he wasn't ready to come home and the house wasn't ready for a severely disabled person. So after a lot of phone calls and a couple of weeks spent at my mum and dads house we finally have managed to get nursing care for 4 weeks after which they will review and see if he needs any further care. I don't want to go into it on here but its been a nightmare! not just watching my dad struggle around the house with the stairs but also with all the red tape to go through just to get some help. It was made all the worse when my mum went down with flu which she then passed on to dad who already had pneumonia earlier on in the year all this put his recovery back to being bed ridden and so I was asked to come up and care for a fortnight, this I did, but I'm physically not able to lift him etc so was relieved when the nursing care finally was sorted. Worryingly my father was referred to the lung cancer department and was supposed to go for a CT scan earlier on in the year after his bout of pneumonia, due to the stroke this got left by the wayside and forgotten about, however today he faces a CT scan to check out that earlier niggle. Stressed out or what.......
As for me, I'm sort of ok obviously feeling frazzled by all the stuff going on with my dad but also other things are upsetting me involving so called friends and loyalty. Again I don't want to go into it but am feeling very low, initially I was disappointed but now I'm just plain angry, this will pass, I am used to these feelings but a trust has been lost and I don't think I can forgive and forget this time, I feel this is the end for one significant friendship as I just cant see a way around the problem other than conceding defeat and carrying on as if nothing has happened, the later of which is totally out of the question and is something I have done ie: bury head in the sand over and over again. Enough is enough...... I am sad but also glad to of been shown the lies that have been told allowing truth to prevail.
Health wise I am doing alright although I've had a few heart palpitations and feel my stomach swells up at certain times of the month, not sure what is going on there but my skin around my abdomen becomes very tight and I feel about 9 months pregnant even though I know I've put on weight its not anything to do with weight it feels like water retention the sort you get before a period so I suppose I will have to go back to the Dr's to find out what the hell is going on. Have too say I am so sick and tired of all this shit..... Dr's, hospitals, appointments, ailments and symptoms urghhhhh.............. Wish it would just all fuck off. At times I have considered just stopping everything, no more Zoladex no more Herceptin, just see what happens, at some point in the future I am going to come off these drugs, people have been on them for 10 or 15 years but I did read somewhere that in America some life time patients have been weaned off Herceptin and found no repercussion from it. When someone tells you that you've got to be on it for life its so hard to know how your going to feel about that only time will tell. Its been 5 years 6 months since this all started thats a long time dealing with something on a daily basis, living in fear of the dreaded 3 monthly CT scan results and going to the hospital every 3 weeks to have a potentially life saving drug. Apologies this isn't very positive is it but its how I feel at the moment and thats on Citrolapram anti-depressant maybe they need to up the dosage as the hot flushes are off the scale (not kidding sweat pouring down my face) and my moods are at an all time low!!!
Tuesday, 28 June 2016
Tuesday, 26 April 2016
Spring has just flown in......
On a lighter note I saw the first swallows of spring yesterday these little visitors lift my soul every year bringing with them the promises of warmer weather and happier days, they renew hope within me that miracles do happen everyday, for it is surely miraculous that these tiny birds fly, so far across great oceans every year to alight in the very spot they were born.
Unwell but its normal
So been a bit unwell thankfully its a normal unwell in that its some sort of bug and is unrelated to cancer, however it has been horrible coughing, sneezing culminating in loosing my voice, went to the Dr's and he prescribed penicillin so I'm currently taking that on top of all the other tablets urghh.........
Not been feeling that great having to lie down rather a lot and seem to sleep for england, all part of the blasted bug I suppose. A little update on my Dad he's still in hospital but due to my own illness I haven't been able to go in and see him, certainly didn't want to pass this bugger on also the hospital he is in has had something called a Nora virus on the loose because of this the visiting hours have been reduced to an hour a day all in all seeing dad wasn't an option at the moment. I hope to see him this weekend all being well and good. My brother reports that he is doing well with his speech and is back to his old self which is a huge relief however, he still cannot walk this is a bigger problem and one that we are all watching closely, my parents house isn't equipped to deal with someone who can't walk especially up and down stairs, there is no facilities for downstairs bathroom or toilet its all upstairs, wish they'd have moved to that bungalow they were looking at last year would of made life a darn sight easier for them. Anyway they haven't moved and seem unlikely to move now I suppose massive change is on the horizon for them both and for my brother who still lives at home.
Not been feeling that great having to lie down rather a lot and seem to sleep for england, all part of the blasted bug I suppose. A little update on my Dad he's still in hospital but due to my own illness I haven't been able to go in and see him, certainly didn't want to pass this bugger on also the hospital he is in has had something called a Nora virus on the loose because of this the visiting hours have been reduced to an hour a day all in all seeing dad wasn't an option at the moment. I hope to see him this weekend all being well and good. My brother reports that he is doing well with his speech and is back to his old self which is a huge relief however, he still cannot walk this is a bigger problem and one that we are all watching closely, my parents house isn't equipped to deal with someone who can't walk especially up and down stairs, there is no facilities for downstairs bathroom or toilet its all upstairs, wish they'd have moved to that bungalow they were looking at last year would of made life a darn sight easier for them. Anyway they haven't moved and seem unlikely to move now I suppose massive change is on the horizon for them both and for my brother who still lives at home.
Friday, 1 April 2016
Head Scan Results
Today I found out the results of the scan on my brain and its clear YAY very very happy dance. The worry was the constant migraines one every day for the past 2 weeks. I always suffered with them before dx and linked them to my hormones and monthly periods but since having cancer and not having a monthly I couldn't fathom what was causing them, I mentioned the fact that the migraines were increasing and they wanted to check my head just in case. We still do not know what is causing them, it could be the drugs I am on or the lack of hormones and actually today I realised it could be stress. I don't feel particularly stressed at the moment but I think sub-consciously I must be!
Two weeks ago my dad had a stroke and was rushed into hospital, obviously this was serious so we (myself and partner) drove straight up to Bristol to see him, the first week he didn't recognise us and could hardly speak this gradually got worse and he was in a vegetative state, this was most distressing for all of the family, by the end of the second week he seemed to of turned a corner and everything started to improve, the lights were on and my dad was in, we stayed for 4 days then had to come home again, life has to continue, we have commitments, I think I've been holding in my stress in relation to dad for a while and its been coming out as migraines because when we returned home the migraines stopped. I had one everyday we stayed up in Bristol. I take sumatriptan which really works but makes me spaced out and dopey, not good when visiting my father in hospital. He has improved and will be transferred to Weston hospital where they have specialist facilities to help with his rehabilitation. We have gathered by now that this is going to be a long haul process and we hope and pray that his mental abilities return with his speech and his physical walking etc. In time these should improve. Its been a trying time and hard on all of us. I am just grateful that my brother had the presence of mind to phone an ambulance (even though my dad didn't want to go into hospital). The quicker you deal with a stroke the more you save of the person.
Two weeks ago my dad had a stroke and was rushed into hospital, obviously this was serious so we (myself and partner) drove straight up to Bristol to see him, the first week he didn't recognise us and could hardly speak this gradually got worse and he was in a vegetative state, this was most distressing for all of the family, by the end of the second week he seemed to of turned a corner and everything started to improve, the lights were on and my dad was in, we stayed for 4 days then had to come home again, life has to continue, we have commitments, I think I've been holding in my stress in relation to dad for a while and its been coming out as migraines because when we returned home the migraines stopped. I had one everyday we stayed up in Bristol. I take sumatriptan which really works but makes me spaced out and dopey, not good when visiting my father in hospital. He has improved and will be transferred to Weston hospital where they have specialist facilities to help with his rehabilitation. We have gathered by now that this is going to be a long haul process and we hope and pray that his mental abilities return with his speech and his physical walking etc. In time these should improve. Its been a trying time and hard on all of us. I am just grateful that my brother had the presence of mind to phone an ambulance (even though my dad didn't want to go into hospital). The quicker you deal with a stroke the more you save of the person.
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