Two years today...

Its a cancer anniversary, exactly 2 years ago today I found out I had breast cancer 2 weeks later I found out it had spread on to both of my lungs, I'm still receiving treatments including tamoxifen by tablet daily, herceptin by IV every 3 weeks so far its all working and keeping me in a stable condition, I continue to be eternally grateful for any extra time I have on this planet, for my family and friends who love and care for me and to the beautiful cats that I share my life with. Life is good, getting steadily busier and gradually healthier by use of juicing and diet although I hate hate hate the new weightier me this is one thing I could do without. Can't quite believe it was 2 years ago that I went in to my local breast care clinic at the hospital, sat in the waiting room with my partner and brother we sat and joked about the crappy stories in the magazines, and then my name was called and I walked into all hell on earth, "its not looking very good sarah" the surgeon said in fact its very nasty and quite aggressive, dazed and confused I left the room to meet up with my jovial brother and partner who were still making each other laugh, I couldn't wait to get out of that waiting room, we'd been in their all day started off with an examination, then a mammogram, then an ultrasound and biopsy they had well and truly messed with my body and I wanted out of that hell whole. During the biopsy I said to the Dr " that doesn't look like a cyst" to which she replied " no I'm afraid its no cyst". When we did leave everyone was oh its probably just a cyst little did they know that I already knew it was more serious than a cyst.

The past 2 years have been the most painful, tearful, shocking, speedy, emotional, courageous, spiritual and happy of my life, I have lived, breathed, and virtually written a book on the subject of breast cancer those two words never entered my head until this time 2 years ago. Anyone reading this for the first time who may be worried or just been dx with the same shit can I hope glean some hope, support and understanding from this blog. I've been writing it to try too make sense of the mountains of conflicting information out there on the subject and hope if you are stuck in the same shitty position that you can at least get some quick answers to your questions.

Remember, I'm still here breathing and living, you can be too if you follow your heart, change your life, by whatever means possible and always for the better and look both inwardly and outwardly delving into the bigger picture.

"Just keep on swimming" from the film Nemo

Tamoxifen and weight gain.....

I am coming up to a 1 year anniversary, its one year since I finished chemo and joyfully, and it's one year since I started on the dreaded tamoxifen, its taken the best part of a year and much munching on my part (increased appetite) and whilst I am eternally grateful for the drug and the fact that I have access to it I am not so happy about the weight gain, admittedly I have been chomping for England lol but seriously not that bad, I have given up red meat and only eat chicken once a month, I green juice everyday and drink a pint of the good stuff, I have to admit that chocolate has become my one weakness and I will happily woof down a whole bag of Revels but what else can you nibble on, trying like mad to cut out cheese and butter, basically just looking at anything with fat in it makes me put on weight. Up until this dx I had stayed the same size since the age of 18 size 8-10, able to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and didn't give the weight issue any thought, now I am a size 12 and feel that even the size 12 clothes I have are tight on me, this is a nightmare, going to have to do some more exercise and try and loose this weight the only trouble is I'm not sure if you can loose weight on tamoxifen, I been given to understand that the way tamoxifen works with your metabolism it slows it down, this makes sense but the side effect is weight gain, also as I am now in early menopause naturally weight will go on especially round the middle, its a total bummer, will be looking on the forum too see what others have experienced and what can be done about it.

I was starting too feel sort of normal again and then I realised I'd put on a mountain of weight and feel a   bit crushed now, ah well I suppose the alternative and not taking tamoxifen is just too awful to comprehend, added to that I also am suffering endless bouts of constipation and as a result have a sore rear end, breast cancer is such a shit! this disease just keeps on giving :0(