CT scan and Beliefs and Prayers.......

Its been a year since my last CT scan so I was due for one, arrived at the hospital early on Sunday morning (they are so busy they need to keep the scanner working 24 hours a day) waited for half an hour and then was taken by a very tall chinese doctor with an umbrella out to a mobile unit (I've never had this procedure done in a mobile unit before) it was raining and in spite of the umbrella we still got very wet, then what seemed like an age before they finally got the needle in and that familiar taste of metal and the feeling of wanting to pee came over me the actual scan only takes 10 mins at the most but its all the other stuff that takes so long. By the time we got home I was feeling sick and headachy so took some codeine and later due to that not working a sumatriptan. Now its back to the waiting game and my follow up appointment on the 4th of October.

I've done quite a lot of research on all things cancer and what you can do to help yourself but I'm feeling a bit out on a limb at the moment so decided to give Penny Brohn Centre a call and book up on a free Living Well Course, the centre is in Bristol and basically I would like to find out if I'm doing the right things ie: juicing and not eating dairy or meat and to speak with someone whose a proper trained nutritionist find out if I'm lacking in anything would be good apart from all of that its free and you stay at the centre overnight which is a beautiful old building on the outskirts of the city, I feel the need to meet up with others who are on a similar journey and more importantly who are actively helping themselves to thrive and survive.

 Its been really hard recently as 3 of the women from the chat group on FB have died two of which share the same name 'Sarah', I used to chat to both of these lovely ladies outside of the FB group and can't quite believe that they are gone, its knocked the wind out of me and I feel the need to distance myself further from all things breast cancer, I suppose what I'm saying is that trying to live with these constant deaths and upsets aren't really helping me stay positive. The women that have passed away I knew through the FB chat group and the BCC forum and as far as I know they didn't really try going down the holistic approach, I'm still juicing although not daily as I can't afford it, I do it  3 times a week and drink predominately green organic juice, also as far as I am aware I am the only one who goes to a spiritual healer and the bottom line is I'm the only one doing very well on this regime, obviously I do take Tamoxifen and have Herceptin but I also try all the alternatives when I can afford it and will actively follow the advice given by healers and practitioners. Some of the alternatives are free. I wish the others would give them a go, but you can't tell someone what to believe in, they have to find it for themselves. All I can do is pray for those still fighting and send some absent healing with love and light.

Ciao, adios, aux revoir, bye......

Today I left the breast cancer care site partly because of the fact that since the website and forum were revamped it has not been working properly, you can write a well thought out reply only to have it deleted just as your going to post it, this is both frustrating and annoying, also I have always kept my comments as polite and courteous as possible I was brought up this way and I don't see it as a bad trait on a couple of occasions others have decided to just be either plain horrible or just bitchy, basically if you don't want to join in a conversation no ones forcing you too join in and if you don't like what your reading then don't go there, no one is forcing anyone to comment or to read it, you should only really comment if you have anything relevant to add to the thread, the breast cancer care forum is not a place for others to dig at you, I think hormones play a big part in all of this, I know I can be tetchy at times and yes I do loose my rag but honestly some of the other comments are so upsetting, I only ever commented on the forum to either a) ask a question or for some support/advice especially at the beginning, b) to try and help others and give them my views especially since I have researched extensively and write this blog to try and make sense of all the information out there it helps to speak with someone who has already gone through the whole treatment process, c) support and understanding, were all in the same boat. Instead I shall be using the private group on Facebook where all the ladies are so friendly and we all support and help each other out, we all have secondaries it helps that we appreciate what it is to have to live with cancer. Subject now closed and moving on.