Feeling like a piece of shit...

Today is a bad day. I don't have an awful lot to get excited about but a fortnight ago I was short listed for an art prize and on the same day had found out that the little chinese pot I bought in a charity shop was of interest to the Homes and Antiques magazine they published a pic of the pot and I had to wait until today to find out how much the pot was worth! Exciting stuff eh!!! started feeling really high with anticipation waited a week and found out that my painting hasn't made the final selection process and the little pot is worth £20 quid. What an absolute load of fucking shite! I deserved at the very least to of been selected for the RWA urghhhhhhhh..... feel like a failure again not very positive and quite frankly back to shitty square one.......whats the fucking point in this existence?????????? I literally had to force the green juice down my neck this morning and I did it with tears streaming down my face, its ridiculous fighting to stay a live for what?????? god only knows literally????? This was going to be a optimistic post on Hemp Oil however after today I need to regain some composure and sit on that particular post for a while. Don't want fucking cancer, don't want to take shit loads of supplements and other chemicals just too stay a live and don't know how I'm gonna carry on at the moment. Basically ITS ALL A LOAD OF ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHIT! and also wanted to add that for the first time in 3 years and 8 months I WANT A FUCKING SMOKE!

RIP Issy

Today is a sad day, today my online cancer buddy Ismena Clout passed away having just reached her 40th birthday last week she was an exceptionally strong lady who had fought this shit for the past 10 years being dx initially at the tender age of just 28, it begs belief doesn't it! She will be sadly missed and mourned by many not just her family and close friends but those of us who she has helped with her words of wisdom her compassion, advice, and her wit especially poignant knowing what she was going through. Another star in the sky another life snuffed out by this vile disease. RIP Issy you will be missed. Love and light my dear friend love and light..........

Issy wrote a blog in the early days for the Independent and most recently for the Huffington Post here's a link to her warts n all approach to writing and chronicling her fight to the bitter end.
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/ismena-clout/

Feeling SAD......

Ok so I'm normally up beat and try to see the positive side but I have to WARN you this post is not an one of those.

Have to start with I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING DISEASE! Today I went to Cornwall to view a cat unfortunately the cat just wasn't right for us, so we went into Truro for a bit of shopping, my favourite shop is The White Stuff I just about fit into a size fucking 18!! WTF I am now officially obese!!! gone from size 0 to a size 18 in 3 years this has sent me spiralling into a pit of self loathing and despair. I didn't eat anything yesterday and all I've had today was my usual supplements. I feel like I want to starve myself so have decided not to eat for as long as I can take it I WONT LET THIS SHIT WIN! Im feeling ever so depressed, don't want to see anyone, just want to hide away from the world and shut my eyes. I thought I'd already reached the bottom of the bottomless pit but this new depression has reached an all time low. I think its a combination of things mainly THIS FUCKING DISEASE what its done to my body, finding my pet cat dead earlier on this year and not being able to find a suitable cat and so the list goes on...... of course the weather is changing so its never a good time of year. God I needed to get that out, thank you blog for listening I think I'd go out of my mind if I didn't have this platform to sound off on.

Radical Remission

The new buzz word at the moment in relation to the Big C is 'Radical Remission' a new book written by Dr Kelly Turner.  Dr Turner has studied radical remissions and come up with a list of 9 factors that she has found in people who self heal. Here's the list in a basic format.

• Radically changing your diet
• Taking control of your health
• Following your intuition
• Using herbs and supplements
• Releasing suppressed emotions
• Increasing positive emotions
• Embracing social support
• Deepening your spiritual connection
• Having strong reasons for living

As Dr Turner explains "It is important to note that these are not listed in any kind of ranking order. There is no clear “winner” among these factors. Rather, all nine were mentioned just as frequently in my interviews.” I want to address these points one by one.

http://www.radicalremission.com/

Here's what the Belief Doctor say's about the 9 points http://beliefdoctor.com/news/radical-remissions-from-cancer-9-key-factors

and the natural alternative to Tamoxifen with details on DIM and others http://elynjacobs.com/2012/01/15/natural-alternatives-to-tamoxifen/

Ok so I'm gonna go and do some work now just wanted to share this latest set of info with you just in case any of you are thinking of going down the same route of me and saying no to the hormonals. Its a risky strategy but one I personally feel is worth taking you have to weigh up all the pros and cons for yourself its an individual decision and not one to made lightly.