Anti-depressant UPDATE

Ok its been a week since I started taking the anti-depressant Citrolapam and so far so good, the hot flushes are more severe when they do occur BUT they aren't as frequent as they were before and are seemingly becoming less so YAY to that, people seem to think that a hot flush is an innocent problem that can be tolerated I beg to differ on that hot flushes when extreme are embarrassing making you red in the face, the heat in your face and head makes you feel physically sick to the point on occasion where I have actually thrown up! So innocent is not a word I would use to describe them, it actually feels like your burning in the depths of hell, its quite simply put horrendous I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. Of course most woman who go through the normal menopause wont suffer this extreme kind which were brought on by chemo and perpetuated by the massive drugs I am on to block estrogen. I hope that with time they will completely disappear and leave me the fuck alone! I've also noticed that my appetite is diminishing another YAY to that lets hope that I get to lose some of this god awful weight gain and start to look like me again. The only downside to this drug I've encountered so far is that I'm not sleeping as well as I did I am hoping this will go away as time goes on. Knackered is an understatement.

Oh and joy of joys I'm due another Zoladex implant my my how time flies 3 months have just flicked by!

If you can't take the heat.........

Ok, so as you've probably guessed I've reached a corner stone. Today I went for a routine appointment with my GP and asked him for anti-depressants, why? you may ask well to be honest I've had enough of the flaming hot flushes, I've lived with them for 5 years battling on hating it feeling embarrassed whenever I go red in the face not a good look when you've put on 4 stone and have a face the colour of a tomato, not to mention the broken sleep and feeling nauseous, so finally hit the fuck it button and went to the GP's he was happy to give me Citrolapam its only 10mg at the moment he said we'd start off on low dose and build up if we have to. I just cannot carry on with the heat anymore, its ridiculous its not living, its making me bloody depressed so anti-d's it is. Of course if my cancer wasn't Estrogen fuelled I would of probably opted for some form of Estrogen based therapy. If you want to know how this is going to pan out then watch this space I shall be monitoring everything, migraines, weight, side effects (which no doubt there are), and every other shitty thing that happens or maybe it might all be alright. ha yeah right.....

A new tablet to add to the already massive selection that I am taking which includes supplements urghh.... and all this from the girl who never took a tablet or went to the Dr's in her life!

Cancer is fucking bollox.

Ah it feels so good to swear my fucking head off, fuck fuck fuck you Cancer!