Ovaries gone

It all happened so quickly one minute quietly going about my daily business not considering that within days my ovaries operation would happen. Both ovaries, fallopian tubes and a large polyp thingy have been removed, gone, goodbye, fini. Yep went into hospital at 7am came out on same day at 7pm a whole 12 hour stint in there bloody hell fire that was a full on kind of day. How do I feel? pretty much the same but for a bit sore around the abdomen also very itchy where the skin is mending other than that all is good. So far since op I've had one migraine WOW (I was suffering with up to 4 a week) and hot flushes are minimal and when they do happen they are nowhere near as bad as before. Mental or what? Didn't anticipate the plus side of having it all removed other than the obvious in that I don't have to have the Zoladex implant anymore Hurray! and Im not producing estrogen from my god dam ovaries YAY. So I will continue to talk to you all about this and any plus's that might arise in the area of weight loss, (secretly hoping that this might be a bloody fantastic side effect). My gynae consultant/surgeon came and saw me afterwards he told me that due to chemo my bowel had dropped inside and in doing so was now touching one of my ovaries, he said the part that was touching on my bowel was inflamed and looked very angry, so aside from the list above I would also like to add that I am so glad they have taken them, all sorts of problems from things touching each other that shouldn't be touching. This was a hidden benefit that I hadn't anticipated, so all in all totally happy with my decision to remove said ovaries and any possibility of getting ovarian cancer due to the Zoladex implant which apparently increased my risk ten fold. So adios amigos I wont miss em and I certainly wont mourn there loss.

What the Polyp is that.........

"What the fuck is that...... " I said when the nurse who was giving me a smear test announced whilst she was at the business end "oh you have a large polyp". Apparently I have a large Polyp in my vagina wall, its a lump (yes another fucking lump) that thankfully is benign....phew.....sigh of relief. The nurse promptly ran off to bring a Dr (thankfully a woman Dr) to take a peek at my neither regions and she confirmed what the nurse said. So a Polyp is a bit like a skin tag but downstairs, and mine is very big and is actually pushing on the walls of my insides, I've been feeling uncomfortable downstairs for sometime and I thought it had something to do with the menopause and a possible prolapse womb, but no I was wrong its a lumpy thing. Urghhh...... of course I panicked as soon as she said lump and had to wait for the Dr to come and take a look before I could breath a huge sigh of relief. Anything lumpy will always take me back to that day 6 years ago when another large lump was found on my lady hump leaving me in a state of sheer terror. So I've googled Polyps and found out the following information:

The exact reason that polyps form is unknown, but swings in hormone levels may be a factor. Estrogen, which plays a role in causing the endometrium to thicken each month, also appears to be linked to the growth of uterine polyps.

What are cervical polyps?
Cervical polyps are small, elongated tumors that grow on the cervix. The cervix is the narrow canal at the bottom of the uterus that extends into the vagina. The cervix connects the uterine cavity and the upper portion of the vagina. It acts as the passageway for sperm to fertilize an egg, which could result in pregnancy. During labor, the cervix becomes thinner and wider. This allows the baby to pass through the birth canal.

Polyps are fragile structures that grow from stalks rooted on the surface of the cervix or inside of the cervical canal. If someone has polyps, usually only one polyp is present, and two or three at most.

Cervical polyps are usually benign, or not cancerous, and cervical cancer rarely arises from them. Most cervical cancers are due to the human papilloma virus (HPV), which is also the cause of genital warts.

Symptoms of cervical polyps
Polyps on the cervix may not cause any noticeable symptoms. However, see your gynaecologist right away if you experience vaginal discharge of white or yellow mucus, or abnormally heavy periods.

You should also call your doctor if you experience vaginal spotting or bleeding:
after sexual intercourse
between periods
after douching
after menopause

Some of these symptoms can also be signs of cancer. In rare cases, polyps represent an early phase of cervical cancer. Removing them helps reduce this risk.


Why polyps occur?
It isn’t fully understood why cervical polyps occur. Their formation may be linked to:
increased levels of estrogen, which is the female sex hormone
chronic inflammation of the cervix, vagina, or uterus
clogged blood vessels
High estrogen levels

Estrogen levels naturally fluctuate throughout a woman’s life. Your estrogen levels will be highest during childbearing years, during any pregnancies, and in the months leading up to menopause.

Man-made chemicals that mimic estrogen are present in the environment. For example, xenoestrogens are in commercially produced meats and dairy products. Chemical estrogens can also be released into food that’s heated.

So there you have it bloody fucking Estrogen again..... WTF....... god I'm sick of these dammed hormones.

On a plus note I've decided after chatting with the nurse today and with the Polyp in mind that probably the best decision regarding ovaries is to have the bastards out, and whilst they are taking those out they can remove said polyp. 

If you can't take the heat.........

Ok, so as you've probably guessed I've reached a corner stone. Today I went for a routine appointment with my GP and asked him for anti-depressants, why? you may ask well to be honest I've had enough of the flaming hot flushes, I've lived with them for 5 years battling on hating it feeling embarrassed whenever I go red in the face not a good look when you've put on 4 stone and have a face the colour of a tomato, not to mention the broken sleep and feeling nauseous, so finally hit the fuck it button and went to the GP's he was happy to give me Citrolapam its only 10mg at the moment he said we'd start off on low dose and build up if we have to. I just cannot carry on with the heat anymore, its ridiculous its not living, its making me bloody depressed so anti-d's it is. Of course if my cancer wasn't Estrogen fuelled I would of probably opted for some form of Estrogen based therapy. If you want to know how this is going to pan out then watch this space I shall be monitoring everything, migraines, weight, side effects (which no doubt there are), and every other shitty thing that happens or maybe it might all be alright. ha yeah right.....

A new tablet to add to the already massive selection that I am taking which includes supplements urghh.... and all this from the girl who never took a tablet or went to the Dr's in her life!

Cancer is fucking bollox.

Ah it feels so good to swear my fucking head off, fuck fuck fuck you Cancer!

The Estrogen Effect (EE)

Ok so been up since stupid o'clock with usual migraine to greet the day Nice NOT!!
However, the plus side to being awake at this un earthly hour is you see some cracking sunrise's and you think a lot. This morning brain wave was about Estrogen and what I've noticed so far in relation to estrogen rich cancer (cancer cells that feed off of it ie ER+ my path is 4/8). It doesn't make any sense as a female your body produces estrogen it not only informs your gender its beneficial to bone health and a  load of other very important things. So why has my body decided to use the very thing that makes me a woman to feed the rogue cells???? I suppose its the million dollar question isn't it but it just doesn't make any sense at all, its not pro life in any shape or form. A few other things I've noticed about estrogen are:

When on Tamoxifen or any other estrogen blocker my mood is better I mean its really better I am happy smiling and content even though I should be depressed cause I've put on 5 stone and don't look like myself anymore YET I am happy.

The last point was tested when I all of a sudden had a period last month (first one in 4 years) just prior to the period my partner noticed that I was visibly spotty, moody, angry, depressed and generally down in the mouth he said "its like you were before you got cancer" this statement kind of took me back, when I thought about it I wasn't very happy or upbeat before cancer I was very very depressed. So it's got me thinking that if its such a important part in making up who we are what sex why is it a case of can't live with and can't live without?

What Estrogen doe's for your body?
It's a chemical messenger carrying information and instructions from one group of cells to another. In the human body, hormones influence almost every cell, organ and function. they regulate our growth, development, metabolism, tissue function, sexual function, reproduction, the way our bodies use food, the reaction to our bodies to emergencies and our moods. In more detail they:
Feeds your bone's
Determines metabolic rate (how well you burn off fat)
Informs your body how to regulate your heat
Is the most feminine of all the hormones helps us to have babies and feed them on milk
Personally makes me feel like shit, depressed, angry, moody not happy, spotty chin and jaw line

If you block or stop estrogen what are the repercussions?

Brittle Bones and Joint Pain (Osteoporosis)
Ageing (in my case prematurely due to early menopause)
Weight Gain urghhh...........
Hot flushes again urghhh.......
Facial hair (thankfully I've not experienced this joy)
Unaturally Happy moods even in the face of death!!!

I'm calling this the Estrogen Effect any thoughts on this please share in a message.
xx

The great soy v ER+ breast cancer debate......

I've finally found an article relating directly to the great soy v breast cancer debate. Whenever you bring this subject up on the BCC forum you always seem to get a heated debate, I for one certainly don't care for heated debates on this particular subject I also don't care for arguments on whether or not tamoxifen causes weight gain. Back to the original point I've found an article which has a little more in the way of proof that soy v breast cancer especially ER+ variety has no links in so far as they have found eating soy whilst having ER+ breast cancer doesn't necessarily mean your going to either have a reoccurrence or that you are promoting possible spread.  I do eat some soy occasionally and personally I don't believe it does contribute to spread or reoccurrence, everything in moderation. So here it is http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/040113p30.shtml.

Estrogen madness and migraines.....

I spoke too soon, the dreaded migraines are back.... what a bummer!
I'm still taking the beta blockers and I've increased the dosage but I still suffered with an almighty migraine yesterday and spent the whole day in bed on a concoction of drugs including and starting with Paracetamol that didn't touch it so I tried 2 Co Codamol, they took the edge off of it but only for about an hour so after 3 hours I decided to take a Sumatriptan this finally got rid of it. I am trying not to take the Sumatriptan as it can cause more headaches the more you take it, a kind of catch 22 effect. Anyway feel ok today albeit a bit frazzled around the edges but at least I can get out of bed and get on with living.

I came across this on face book and found it interesting when I went through the list I realised I had and continue to have a lot of the symptoms listed, wish I'd found this before I got cancer it may have given me an indication of what was wrong with me. I used to suffer with migraines before I got cancer and whilst going through chemo etc the headaches stopped but they seem to be creeping back and unfortunately they are worse than pre cancer migraines. I wake up with them and feel instantly sick sometimes I am actually physically sick.

Conflicting advice makes no sense!

Today I would like to talk about why we (meaning BC suffers) are advised differently about the same type of cancer ie: mainly my ache is about estrogen or ER+ cancers, mine is 4/8 so this means my cancer is fed only half the time by estrogen if it was very ER+ the numbers would of been 8/8, so because of the estrogen factor there are all these different conflicting pieces of advice about what to eat and drink because some foods and drinks contain estrogen or estrogen mimickers we (ER+ ladies) want to minimize the amount of estrogen in our systems this stands to reason especially when its estrogen thats feeding the tumors also if you are ER+ you are generally put on either Tamoxifen, or other AI hormonal tablets to stop or block the estrogen from feeding the cancer cells, (still with me its confusing!) so why are some ladies advised differently? for example after chatting to a lady that is with the same Onc as myself she was told that Sage was not safe to take for ER+ ladies, whilst the same Onc told me it was safe for me to take, this is the first point of conflict, my next big ache is about soya and estrogen some say its safe some say its not but no one will commit to saying its either or!!! this is because they have not been able to trial soya, so it ends up as being quite a contentious issue on the BCC forum where some women are warning against the use of anything with soya in including organic chickens that are fed on soya pellets making both the meat and eggs a no go for ER+ women then there are others saying that it can't be soya because the Asian communities of the world eat loads of soya and they have a lower risk of getting BC ughhhhh its exhausting trying to figure this one out and adds to the misery of going shopping especially at the supermarket, if you look on the back of most packets you will see many many substances that ER+ ladies are not supposed to eat for fear of either estrogen or glucose (cancer loves sugar). I have changed my diet so much, I don't eat red meat, I juice a pint of green stuff everyday, I take a load of supplements, and eat wholemeal or wholegrains including pasta, rice, bread, basically I cut out all the sugar, no tea or coffee, unless its green tea, minimal dairy, I think when you have overhauled your lifestyle as much as I have it becomes very annoying when information just does not add up especially when you are told conflicting information from your own Onc, don't get me wrong my Onc has been fantastic so far as chemo, rads etc but on this score not so great. For fucks sake all any of us BC sufferers want to do is to eat right and survive, we are only trying to help ourselves.

PJ's and sofa day

Today not feeling so good been camped out on the sofa all day, woke up really early with massive hot flush that persisted throughout the day in fact the whole day was one massive fucking hot flush, the only thing that gives me any respite from it is to stick my head in the freezer/fridge or out of the window, anyone who thinks that hot flushes are doable have got to be kidding me, I mean seriously it really is the final straw,  I'm sat here with sweat pouring off of me whilst I type this, I was supposed to see my oncologist this week as part of the rads appointments but he was off ill and is now off on holiday so can't ask him about taking sage tea and fig leaf tea for the hot flushes, everything I take has to be ok'd by him for fear of it interfering with the tamoxifen or adding to my estrogen (my cancer is estrogen rich meaning it feeds off my estrogen), so stuck with not being able to take anything for the dam hot flushes until I speak to him, I did go on the forum and ask the ladies on there about sage and fig leaf tea but did'nt get many responses and the ones I did get seem to conflict nobody seems to know whether or not it is safe for me to take sage/fig leaf tea with the medication I am on, I was prescribed anti-depressants for the hot flushes but after taking only one I was near suicidal and decided to refrain from taking them and try natural alternatives instead, hence my day on the sofa in my pj's on and off sleeping with a sort of headache that has not materialized into anything yet but my head still feels fuzzy, I have taken 2 paracetamol/codeine tablets and an anti-sickness tablet just in case I had a repeat of sickness day I experienced a couple of weeks ago. I really really hope that this is just a side effect of the rads or rads fatigue that I am experiencing and not another hormonal migrane problem. God when will this shit ever end!!! Only three more radio sessions left next week then thats over and done with stroll on wednesday!

Retail Therapy

I am much better than I was at the weekend and I am sorry for my last post or if it upset anyone I just had to vent my rage and anger.

So went late night shopping last night in Totnes it's something me and my best-friend do every year and we love it.  I think its important to carry on as much as normal it helps me feel normal and not a cancer patient. It is amazing what a little bit of retail therapy can do for a girl, we both were supposed to be shopping for xmas presents and ended up buying for ourselves but hey we deserve it and we got some bargains, the sales start early this year probably because of the economic climate. All in all it made me feel better and improved my moods. I have spoken to my GP on the phone and asked him to write the prescription I thought I would never ask and thats for anti-depressants they help with your moods but also with the hot flushes indued by early menopause, these are just terrible, don't get me wrong I am grateful forever for the tamoxifen and the chemo BUT the hot flushes make you into a terrible screaming mad woman!! and I just get so depressed with it, probably still coming to terms with my dx I think this is all part of going through the mill with this cancer trip.

More xmas shopping is in for this afternoon thats if my other half comes home and picks me up. We still got loads to do, but we have been waiting on money and its only just arrived so all at once typical.

Wake-up call

So today is a better day than yesterday but all days are like one for me all of them I am eternally grateful for. Thats my affirmation for today in fact it should be for everyday forever. Feeling sorry for myself and my lack of boob until I chanced upon a conversation with a young lady who after having her baby last year found out she had breast cancer with secondaries in her liver and bones (they thought her backache was due to her being pregnant) (cancer is a sneaky shit) all at the tender age of 29, (she never smoked, or drank) you always think your lot is the worst but there is always someone worse off than yourself this was my wake up call it made me sit up and listen and stop all the self pity and why me questions, shake yourself down and get on with the business of living.

The only worry with this particular girl is that she hasn't looked into anything to help herself she's just doing what the dr's and oncologist tell her, ok so I listen to them I also inform them of anything else I might be taking so as it does not interfere with the prescribed drugs, I have been researching breast cancer ever since diagnoses and feel this will be a lifelong practice, I've changed so much since getting this bull shit, no more sugar, no more tea and coffee, no more adding estrogen rich processed foods, and no alcohol (I was t-total anyway), never been overweight. Fresh veg/fruit juice daily with plenty of organic wheatgrass, broccoli, carrots, celery, cucumber, apple, pear I drink a pint of it everyday and find it does fill me up apparently upping your intake of veg can make tamoxifen work more effectively.

Had my first Epsom Salt Bath dry brushed first then took a lovely long dip and feel fantastic, honestly to look at me I look the picture of health which is quite ironic really.