Flat chested and happy.........

Its been a fair few weeks now down the line since the 2nd mastectomy and I am feeling a lot better. A couple of weeks after the op I wasn't so impressed I had an infection in my wound which needed antibiotics and I also needed to have the area drained twice again not impressed but managed to get through it, I kept reminding myself I've been through worse and survived and I was right. what didn't help was catching flu around new year that really wiped me out and made it very difficult I was actually throwing up and the pressure of heaving made my scar area fill with fluid hence having to have it drained twice. The bug was much worse than the operation and I am so glad its all over and done with.

New Year new body, new me......


Results in from my latest CT scan are good or rather everything is stable so all in all very positive. I am now just looking at one hospital appointment next week for my 3 weekly Herceptin and then a break from going to hospital or appointments for at least 3 weeks and no intermediate appointments. YAY...... feels good to think I'm through the worst of it, with CT scan done, Oncology appointment done, bloods and echo scan done. Phewwwww

Feeling a lot lot lighter and not walking with a bob out of balance or weird gait anymore as the boob is gone and makes me feel normal I know that sounds strange but the one massive boob was such a pain in the arse and made me feel so abnormal, its the best thing I've ever had done since this whole thing started and I am hopeful that this year will see an improvement on all health fronts because of it. Migraines whilst still there are not as frequent as I was getting them and not quite as intense, neck pain on my left hand side is also not as bad so whilst the migraines cannot be blamed entirely on the boob now its gone I have noticed a difference and its for the better. I am feeling a lot happier although of course it goes with out saying I would of been at my happiest if I had never gotten fucking breast cancer but hey ho.......

All in all everything is proceeding in a positive way and I am feeling a lot better about myself and my new life living with secondary breast cancer.

2nd Mastectomy, 2nd time lucky.......RESULT

Those of you who read my post's will already know about my cancelled operation see post NHS no beds...

I finally have another appointment on the 27th of November as a day patient so I will be going home on the same day (apparently this is the new norm with mastectomy operations) got everything crossed to get this operation out of my way this year. New surgeon is fantastic so all is good on that front.

UPDATE

6 days out of surgery YAY it happened this time. Turns out that going home was a good move although I had to go back into hospital on the Friday for a drain check/removal, they were going to replace the bottle however, I told them next week I have a CT Scan, an echo heart scan, Herceptin injection not all on the same day, they decided to take the drain out to save me another visit to the hospital. Thank god for that!!!

Feeling very sore as one would expect and not sure about the wound its a bit gunky but I have Herceptin tomorrow so shall show the nurses see what they think.

Other than that its wonderful to feel flat chested no sinister lumps and bumps no lady humps to worry about. Looking forward to a boob free life. No tears so far I don't miss them or it! Looking forward to a few months down the line when this will be a distant memory.

No Beds NHS

Wow, didn't expect that. Turned up at my appointment for operation on the 12th I had to get a lift with my other half who couldn't take any time off work so I was at the hospital bright and early, waited 3 hours before my appointment time, at 11 oclock I walked into the ward and they started to do the usual, admin form filing in, gave me surgical tights and got me changed into a gown then out of the blue a lady turned up and asked to speak to me in private where she revealed that my operation had been cancelled that day as there wasn't any beds available. I have heard that this happens but why didn't they contact me the day before???? urgh........... back to the drawing board. I was then stranded at the hospital feeling knackered and starting to develop a migraine, talked my partner into picking me up and taking me home so got home about 3ish......what a long, waste of time day that was.

2nd Mastectomy

Some people will know that I have always wanted the left hand breast removed. From the very beginning when I was first dx I wanted to have both off but the surgeon wouldn't perform it saying and I quote "I never remove a healthy breast" however I argued that with secondaries as well I wasn't living with a healthy breast but rather a ticking time bomb. Not only was it a cancer bomb waiting to erupt but also it had grown from a size 32 to 42 in a very short time making it stupidly large, also I can't wear a bra as when they took the bad boob they also took a lot of lymph nodes out down the side of my body where your bra strap sits this causes a lot of pain when I wear a bra hence not being able to wear a bra making me feel out of balance, looking out of balance, carrying extra weight on that side and a boob that is feeling the force of gravity altogether a right pain in the tit! Seriously though, I have been suffering with the odd weird pain in that breast and of course worry like mad that its something more sinister.

So finally after a lot of pushing on my part the powers that be have agreed that to remove it wouldn't be such a strange idea and are now offering me surgery dates of the 12th of September, I only got informed of this on Friday 31st August, so got this weekend to discuss and go over everything with my long suffering partner. Who agrees it should go.

Weekend over and decision is made. Pre-op this Thursday and operation next Wednesday.

Feeling a little anxious but I know it makes sense and thank god for the NHS I can have the operation and with any luck will live a little longer.

Wish me luck.

Getting the balance back

Its been a while since I last posted and I am happy to report, all is ok on the cancer front and I am adjusting to life without the ovaries. Hot flushes are still an unfortunate part of my life and I do hate them BUT winter is coming and the weather is cooler so life becomes less hot and bothered.

Last week I had a appointment with my new oncologist Dr G. is amazing I really get on with her and 

its been a long time since I actually spoke with a full fledged Onc. as my previous Onc. sadly died of liver cancer however, I always seemed to be dealt with by registrars. I've complained a lot of times about feeling out of balance, my size 32 chest has grown to a size 42 on the remaining breast and its a pain, not only is it massive and heavy its exasperated by the fact I can't wear a bra, I've tried every bra known to mankind and none of them are supportive and pain free. My problem is I had a lot of lymph nodes out and due to the fact that I was skinny (size 8 back then) the nodes were in with all the muscle which my surgeon had to dissect, it took him ages and he had to cut through muscle, my armpit area and my torso on the right hand side are badly scarred and so whenever I wear a bra no matter what type it digs into my scar tissue and ends up feeling very painful, so much so that I have to take the bra off after only half an hour! So this leaves me not wearing a bra most of the time and feeling very out of balance, Dr G. could see how out of balance I was carrying myself and suggested that she would refer me to a breast surgeon who could perform a mastectomy of the left hand side breast as a life enhancing operation. Fantastic! So I am now waiting for an appointment to see a breast surgeon and whilst they have a policy of not operating on a healthy breast they might when they realise how out of balance I carry myself and the ramifications of this on my body and life. Considering they perform breast enlargement on the NHS I think this isn't a big ask, considering what I've got and what I've been through. Dr G did explain that it wouldn't be this year as its not an emergency which is fine by me, I'd rather have it next year anyway. So fingers crossed this will happen and I will be rid of the massive boob that blights my life.

New Year Resolutions

My resolutions for this year 2012 are:

1. To get healthy and be cancer free
2. Enjoy life, smile and feel happiness
3. Stay away from negative hurtful people
4. Visit my spiritual home more often (Glastonbury)
5. Stick to juice diet/supplements
6. Produce more art works
7. To go with the flow
8.  Go for CBT Cognitive Behavorial Therapy
9.  Be kind to myself
10. Accept help where needed
11. Start Yoga or walk everyday
12.  Adopt a kinder more sympathetic attitude

The worst year of my life is nearly over

Its nearly over 2011 the worst year of my life, so sad really because it started off so promising with a top job interview (didn't get it and not sure about there intentions but that's another story) made lots of plans and started painting again, then like a swift punch in the face I was dx with Breast Cancer and then 2 weeks later found out it had spread onto my lungs wallop!!

Gradually worked through it although have to say it's not been easy, an emotional roller coaster, this has been the fastest year of my life, don't know where the year has gone, mainly spent it in hospital either having chemo or surgery and start 2012 with 3 weeks of daily radiotherapy which is a bit of a bummer but can't be helped, I suppose really that my year should start in February cause I will finally be free of the dreadful treatments only herceptin by IV every 3 weeks and tamoxifen by tablet one a day. Its quite weird how you adjust to a new life I was always a planner and an organizer now I have to live for the moment seize the day, no more planning bloody cancer has taken away my future and I can't plan anything, in some ways its kind of liberating not to have to adhere to a plan/ambition just go with the flow and follow your nose, see what presents itself. I would still rather NOT have cancer but what can I do about it other than try and help myself changing my diet/nutrition and carry on with the conventional treatments as well as the unconventional or complementary treatments.

I pray to god that 2012 will be a happy, healthy year with plenty of cause for celebration.
Love and Light to all
Sarah xx

Wake-up call

So today is a better day than yesterday but all days are like one for me all of them I am eternally grateful for. Thats my affirmation for today in fact it should be for everyday forever. Feeling sorry for myself and my lack of boob until I chanced upon a conversation with a young lady who after having her baby last year found out she had breast cancer with secondaries in her liver and bones (they thought her backache was due to her being pregnant) (cancer is a sneaky shit) all at the tender age of 29, (she never smoked, or drank) you always think your lot is the worst but there is always someone worse off than yourself this was my wake up call it made me sit up and listen and stop all the self pity and why me questions, shake yourself down and get on with the business of living.

The only worry with this particular girl is that she hasn't looked into anything to help herself she's just doing what the dr's and oncologist tell her, ok so I listen to them I also inform them of anything else I might be taking so as it does not interfere with the prescribed drugs, I have been researching breast cancer ever since diagnoses and feel this will be a lifelong practice, I've changed so much since getting this bull shit, no more sugar, no more tea and coffee, no more adding estrogen rich processed foods, and no alcohol (I was t-total anyway), never been overweight. Fresh veg/fruit juice daily with plenty of organic wheatgrass, broccoli, carrots, celery, cucumber, apple, pear I drink a pint of it everyday and find it does fill me up apparently upping your intake of veg can make tamoxifen work more effectively.

Had my first Epsom Salt Bath dry brushed first then took a lovely long dip and feel fantastic, honestly to look at me I look the picture of health which is quite ironic really.

Home alone

Hi everyone,

So this is my first post on my new cancer blog and like the title suggests I am home alone for the first time in about 6 months as my partner has managed to get a job to bring in some extra money for Xmas, not that Xmas is going to stress me out in fact nothing is going to stress me out from now on (a pact I've made with myself).

Depression and stress are possibly the root cause of my cancer, nothing can be confirmed but I have a sneaky feeling it contributed to my getting cancer. I was healthy although not very happy before the dx I had been trying really hard to make it in the surface pattern industry with little success, my day job graphic design was also experiencing a slump (has something to do with the recession) and even though I had applied and attended lots of interviews I still was not getting anywhere, no money, can't pay bills etc just makes for loads of stress of course as soon as I got cancer all of a sudden my designs sold, something called sods law. Being a perfectionist is part and parcel of being an artist this unfortunately means I am also sensitive (like a raw nerve), easily upset, I would say I was living on the edge of a nervous breakdown but now I'm living with metastatic breast cancer I know which one I would prefer not to have. So if your reading this then realise this DON'T GET STRESSED OUT its not worth it! If you don't have your health you have nothing its as simple as that.

My life changed forever on the 10th of March this year and I will never be the same again, everyday is a gift and instead of living with a plan I now live without planning or organisation of any kind I try to live for the moment and enjoy life, I don't believe we are put on this planet to be miserable. I have been touched by the kindness people have shown me since my dx and it has made me realize that people aren't as bad as I thought they were prior to dx I could not stand the human race quite frankly human beings sucked, now I think slightly differently some us are extremely compassionate.