CT Scan Results........not good....

Hello everyone,

As the title of this post would suggest my latest yearly CT scan results are in and not good. The lung mets are still currently the same and classified as in a stable condition BUT 'something' is showing up on my liver at the moment and they (the docs) don't know what it is, so have requested that I have another CT scan asap to take a closer look. Onc. said "we did see it on your last scan" (which was a year ago!!!) and I suppose they were taking a watch and see approach, would of been nice if they'd of told me that was what they were doing!!! Anyway the upshot is we don't know what 'it' is on my liver just that something is showing up on the CT so in the next 2 weeks I should of had a another scan and d-day is the 1st of November.

Urghhhhhhhhh Obviously with a a stage IV dx of breast cancer anyway you always assume the worst, but I am trying to keep myself positive and upbeat, its like someone has tele-ported me back to that first day of being told "you have cancer" such a knock back feel dazed and confused about the whole thing and certainly was not expecting it, especially after all the juicing, supplement taking, and spiritual healing I've been doing, everyone say's I look really healthy, although my answer to that is "I looked really friggin healthy before I got cancer" thats the scary thing about this vile disease. I've decided not to tell my mum and dad yet I think I'll wait until we know what we are dealing with, I don't want to unduly upset them. I've told a couple of friends and treatment practitioners about it and found it helped to share the news and get it off my chest, also some of them needed to know as they don't seem to understand why I might seem distant or withdrawn at times by sharing this with them they get to understand why. Sometimes its harder to hide the truth and I don't need anymore crap at the moment. Feeling like I need to digest what has happened and meditate on healing, so going to spend the rest of the weekend with my brother Andy and partner Lee. Lee was with me at the appointment and as usual was my rock.

During the consultation we also discussed my hormonal status to which I've learned that I'm not through the blasted menopause not by a long shot so it seems I have to continue taking the bloody Tamoxifen, the onc. said with head tilted to one side "why so disappointed at not being through the menopause your so young" yeah true I'm 45 (42 when dx) but whats the point in going back to having periods when your bodies fucked with the drugs, chemo and menopause its not like I'm ever going to be able to have children is it? and as I'm plagued with major side effects from the Tamoxifen and the menopause I'd rather be through with it and move onto another drug that might be a bit more user friendly, honestly these docs say the most stupid things sometimes!

Got the scan in the next 2 weeks and appointment on the 1st so will keep you all posted as too the outcome.
Love and light to all
Sarah xxxx

In memory of Ellie

Wanted to share a couple of links to a new charity in memory of the wonderful Ellie Jeffery who died of advanced breast cancer at the tender age of 29 last year.
http://www.eleanorrose.org/ and if you want to follow on facebook https://www.facebook.com/EleanorRoseFoundation

The Kris Carr Story.......

A link to a short film by and about the author and cancer survivor Kris Carr its interesting and packed with information that anyone who is fighting cancer will find uplifting and inspirational enjoy xxx http://youtu.be/e2iPurl324Q

Tiny, stable and possibly NED......WOW

WOW WOW WOW wanted to share my fantastic news with you all (I find it really uplifting to read of others good outcomes and hope this gives someone inspiration) The results of my latest ct scan were great! They actually told me that the nodules on my lungs are still unchanged (stable since last June) and tiny and the doc said "we don't actually know if it is cancer it could be scar tissue on your lungs!!!! but because the nodules are so tiny we cant biopsy them", she personally didn't think I had any cancer left on the lungs and the rest of the scan was clear, how amazing is that!!!!!, I'll be honest I was full of the fear and dread before I went into the cubicle thinking OMG feeling all tense and fragile, came out feeling elated and on top of the world so went and had a massive crab sandwich and bought some new 'Bare Minerals' makeup from House of Fraiser (good ole bit of retail therapy to celebrate), its the first bit of good news since all of this breast cancer shit started, it makes all the treatments, surgery and changes I've made feel worth while like cutting out caffeine and sugar, drinking a pint of green organic fresh juice daily, taking supplements and generally looking after myself, life is finally good again miracles CAN and DO happen something I am ever so ever so grateful for.

Sending all who need and read this absent spiritual healing
love and light to all
Sarahxxx

Great news for Her2+

Found this article on the forum today talking about two new drugs that are going to made available to all Her2+ patients in the near future it means instead of having Herceptin by IV every 3 weeks you could take it in pill form, here's the article:

Friday, 2 March, 2012 

PHARMAC is funding two new targeted cancer medicines following an agreement with GlaxoSmithKline.

From 1 April 2012 PHARMAC will begin funding lapatinib (Tykerb) and pazopanib (Votrient). These two new orally administered treatments are designed to specifically target cancer cells. Lapatinib is used in patients with advanced, HER2+ breast cancer, and pazopanib in advanced kidney cancer patients. Both will be funded as alternatives to the currently funded treatment options; trastuzumab (Herceptin) for advanced HER 2 + breast cancer patients and sunitinib (Sutent) for advanced kidney cancer patients.

PHARMAC medical director Dr Peter Moodie says that in addition to expanding the range of treatment options available, both new treatments are pills that patients can take at home.

"The funding of lapatinib in particular will make treatment more convenient for those breast cancer patients who choose to receive it instead of trastuzumab, because it avoids the need for them to go to hospital every 3 weeks for infusion treatments," says Dr Moodie. "It also means that if patients choose lapatinib rather than trastuzumab DHB hospitals will have additional capacity for treating cancer patients, which will help reduce waiting times for cancer treatment, one of the Government's key health targets."

As well as being taken in pill form, lapatinib is a smaller molecule than trastuzumab which means it can pass through the `blood/brain barrier' - which may be an important factor in deciding the best treatment option for patients with advanced disease.

"The features of lapatinib make it a useful addition to funded treatment options. We know from the studies that it has a similar mode of action to trastuzumab, and it is effective in delaying the progression of HER 2 + metastatic breast cancer, as is trastuzumab."

Dr Moodie says that although targeted treatments generally have fewer side effects than standard chemotherapy treatments they do have their own toxicity issues, some of which can be serious. The funding rules for these treatments mean that, if patients experience early side effects on their first choice treatment, then they can have access to funding for the alternative treatment.

Pazopanib is the second targeted oral cancer treatment funded for metastatic renal cell carcinoma, following the funding of sunitinib (Sutent) in 2010. While both drugs have similar modes of action and appear to have similar benefits for patients, Dr Moodie says having an alternative treatment is useful in patients who experience early toxicity.

PHARMAC estimates that up to 180 patients per year will receive pazopanib or lapatinib, and that spending on the two drugs will be in the region of $15 million over five years. However, because of the drugs' net cost compared with the currently funded treatment options for these patients overall the decision is cost-saving to DHBs.

Great news for all of us with HER2+ BC.

Love and light

xxx

The worst year of my life is nearly over

Its nearly over 2011 the worst year of my life, so sad really because it started off so promising with a top job interview (didn't get it and not sure about there intentions but that's another story) made lots of plans and started painting again, then like a swift punch in the face I was dx with Breast Cancer and then 2 weeks later found out it had spread onto my lungs wallop!!

Gradually worked through it although have to say it's not been easy, an emotional roller coaster, this has been the fastest year of my life, don't know where the year has gone, mainly spent it in hospital either having chemo or surgery and start 2012 with 3 weeks of daily radiotherapy which is a bit of a bummer but can't be helped, I suppose really that my year should start in February cause I will finally be free of the dreadful treatments only herceptin by IV every 3 weeks and tamoxifen by tablet one a day. Its quite weird how you adjust to a new life I was always a planner and an organizer now I have to live for the moment seize the day, no more planning bloody cancer has taken away my future and I can't plan anything, in some ways its kind of liberating not to have to adhere to a plan/ambition just go with the flow and follow your nose, see what presents itself. I would still rather NOT have cancer but what can I do about it other than try and help myself changing my diet/nutrition and carry on with the conventional treatments as well as the unconventional or complementary treatments.

I pray to god that 2012 will be a happy, healthy year with plenty of cause for celebration.
Love and Light to all
Sarah xx

Retail Therapy

I am much better than I was at the weekend and I am sorry for my last post or if it upset anyone I just had to vent my rage and anger.

So went late night shopping last night in Totnes it's something me and my best-friend do every year and we love it.  I think its important to carry on as much as normal it helps me feel normal and not a cancer patient. It is amazing what a little bit of retail therapy can do for a girl, we both were supposed to be shopping for xmas presents and ended up buying for ourselves but hey we deserve it and we got some bargains, the sales start early this year probably because of the economic climate. All in all it made me feel better and improved my moods. I have spoken to my GP on the phone and asked him to write the prescription I thought I would never ask and thats for anti-depressants they help with your moods but also with the hot flushes indued by early menopause, these are just terrible, don't get me wrong I am grateful forever for the tamoxifen and the chemo BUT the hot flushes make you into a terrible screaming mad woman!! and I just get so depressed with it, probably still coming to terms with my dx I think this is all part of going through the mill with this cancer trip.

More xmas shopping is in for this afternoon thats if my other half comes home and picks me up. We still got loads to do, but we have been waiting on money and its only just arrived so all at once typical.

Enter the dark dark woods at your peril (severe swearing involved)

Very bad day today, cried all afternoon after having a go at my other half, my emotions and moods are surreal at the moment, one minute ultra happy the next I'm looking for an easy way out and when I say easy way out I mean it, seriously considering doing myself in today and really don't care about anything or anyone for the matter. Life is hard enough without having this s**ty breast cancer, the drugs I am on (tamoxifen/herceptin) make you into some sort of other worldly screaming banshie, they interfere with your ovaries and the production of estrogen which is feeding my cancer, but we need our estrogen we are women its part of being a woman to produce these hormones, I even dared to ask the questions "am I being punished ?" and if so "what the fuck did I do wrong?" I always thought I'd have children or at least one now all hope of having my own has faded away I was getting on in age anyway and now I'm likely to be on this dreaded tamoxifen for the next 5 years that should put a stop to any chance of conceiving and even if I did I question whether its really fair to bring a child into the world when lets face it I might not survive to oversee its upbringing, arghhhhhh I FUCKING HATE (when I say hate I really really mean it) CANCER seriously tho I was so very nasty to him, no need for it just plain awful, thats when I started crying and could not stop for 3 hours!!!! solidly, my eyes I can't open, what;s the fucking point. I do frequent the BC forums but the last time I opened up on a post feeling low I got some smart alec comment from another BC patient that made me not want to vent my rage or feelings this is why I started a blog its the only place I can air my proverbial dirty laundry all be it that I am probably talking to myself, why change the habit of a lifetime no one listens to me anyway and now I think they are all convinced that I must of done something wrong to get this in the first place, ergo whatever she's say's thinks is utter crap!!! A small thank you to myself for setting up such a blog in the first place so that I do have an outlet for tamoxifen induced suicidal feelings and pent up rage. When I stopped crying my missing boob started to hurt maybe all the upset is gonna give me more cancer oh what joy life is, the easy way out seems more appealing than ever. To top it all its FUCKING CHRISTMAS.