CT Scan Results........not good....

Hello everyone,

As the title of this post would suggest my latest yearly CT scan results are in and not good. The lung mets are still currently the same and classified as in a stable condition BUT 'something' is showing up on my liver at the moment and they (the docs) don't know what it is, so have requested that I have another CT scan asap to take a closer look. Onc. said "we did see it on your last scan" (which was a year ago!!!) and I suppose they were taking a watch and see approach, would of been nice if they'd of told me that was what they were doing!!! Anyway the upshot is we don't know what 'it' is on my liver just that something is showing up on the CT so in the next 2 weeks I should of had a another scan and d-day is the 1st of November.

Urghhhhhhhhh Obviously with a a stage IV dx of breast cancer anyway you always assume the worst, but I am trying to keep myself positive and upbeat, its like someone has tele-ported me back to that first day of being told "you have cancer" such a knock back feel dazed and confused about the whole thing and certainly was not expecting it, especially after all the juicing, supplement taking, and spiritual healing I've been doing, everyone say's I look really healthy, although my answer to that is "I looked really friggin healthy before I got cancer" thats the scary thing about this vile disease. I've decided not to tell my mum and dad yet I think I'll wait until we know what we are dealing with, I don't want to unduly upset them. I've told a couple of friends and treatment practitioners about it and found it helped to share the news and get it off my chest, also some of them needed to know as they don't seem to understand why I might seem distant or withdrawn at times by sharing this with them they get to understand why. Sometimes its harder to hide the truth and I don't need anymore crap at the moment. Feeling like I need to digest what has happened and meditate on healing, so going to spend the rest of the weekend with my brother Andy and partner Lee. Lee was with me at the appointment and as usual was my rock.

During the consultation we also discussed my hormonal status to which I've learned that I'm not through the blasted menopause not by a long shot so it seems I have to continue taking the bloody Tamoxifen, the onc. said with head tilted to one side "why so disappointed at not being through the menopause your so young" yeah true I'm 45 (42 when dx) but whats the point in going back to having periods when your bodies fucked with the drugs, chemo and menopause its not like I'm ever going to be able to have children is it? and as I'm plagued with major side effects from the Tamoxifen and the menopause I'd rather be through with it and move onto another drug that might be a bit more user friendly, honestly these docs say the most stupid things sometimes!

Got the scan in the next 2 weeks and appointment on the 1st so will keep you all posted as too the outcome.
Love and light to all
Sarah xxxx

The Heat is on...

The heat is on not just literally, spent most of today trying to avoid the heat it's bad enough with the perpetual hot flushes let alone with all this hot weather, although I prefer to have gorgeous sunny days as opposed to constant rain! One good thing about this hot weather is that I tend to get up earlier and start the day with a organic green juice, another good tip is to make smoothies these are seriously yum, yesterday I used a bag of pre bought frozen fruits, bio live yogurt, and lactose free semi-skimmed milk, today I used fresh pineapple and cantaloupe melon which I diced and put in the freezer, added the organic bio live yogurt and lactose free semi skimmed milk, totally tropical and brilliantly cooling, also really good for you and yummy!


On another note and in the spirit of not "bottling things up" (see post below 'better out than in...') or letting the proverbial heat get to me....here goes......you have been warned....


My main pain's are not with my own body although you would of thought that weight gain, hot flushes, having to be on treatment forever, constant fear of cancer returning was enough! No my main source of annoyance comes from people. Here's a list of my many people annoyances starting with the phrase people that....

• Avoid me (because they don't want to face up to my dx) this makes me feel like a leper! 
• Think that you can actually catch cancer, just to make sure and understand YOU CAN'T CATCH CANCER!
• Tell me not to talk about IT or tell anyone! (WHY? because they are scared it will happen to them! or that talking about it in someway is a self fore filling prophesy, if only it were that simple we'd all be cured!)
• Knowingly blow cigarette smoke in my face (can someone explain why you would do that to someone whom you know has lung mets!)
• Are totally insensitive/thoughtless (tell me that cancer is some sort of punishment from god, this was particularly rich considering the person concerned was an atheist also choose to tell me that little gem when I was first dx)
• Imply in some way that I was to blame for my dx (just for the record I AM NOT TOO BLAME)
• Tell me "you look really well" (this may be the case, I never looked ill before I got the dam disease and I still don't look ill now, that why its so fucking scary!)

Normal service will resume now I've got that load of shit literally off my chest. 
Thanks for listening x