Yes its that time of year again the air is cooler (thank god my hot flushes are off the scale!), the nights are drawing in, the leaves are falling all of these things I love but what I don't like is the bloody way people now call October Pinktober or words to that effect.... it makes my blood boil! Good natured well meaning people are duped into buying a product because it has the breast cancer logo splashed all over it and coloured it pink, what these good people don't realise is only a tiny amount of the money taken for the product actually goes to the breast cancer charity, hardly anything at all, certainly not enough to make a massive difference it just means that every October these companies get extra exposure under the cover of charity. Its a massive marketing campaign and yet again is clouded by money.
Back to the reality of living with secondary breast cancer, last week I had my flu jab (as I am immune compromised) which made me feel terrible I spent the whole week in bed, feeling very sick, achey (more than the usual) and plagued by migraines......the bain of my life. Today I awoke to the sinking feeling where I feel sick to the pit of my stomach and then the head throbs back on the sumatriptan and knock out drops....... just woke up and the whole flipping day has gone again.
Saw my GP last week and am to have another blood test for the thyroid so onwards and upwards, will keep you all informed if it does work out to be the thyroid gland.
Still feeling hot hot hot! but my lovely GP has upped the anti-depressants to 20mg a day so that should start taking effect shortly on the flushes that are the second bain of my life.
Best get on with whatever I have left of today.
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angry. Show all posts
Monday, 10 October 2016
Monday, 26 September 2016
The things people say......urghhhhhhh
So first to update you all I'm going back to see GP and getting re-tested for the thyroid again, I've already been tested twice the first time there was a problem with my thyroid and the second time 3 months later I tested normal. I have been experiencing extreme fatigue as well as a horse sounding voice, constant weight gain again!!!!, blurred vision etc etc etc bottom line its my bloody thyroid I know it is I'm 100% positive it is the thyroid playing up maybe its out of balance but it needs looking into further as the debilitating fatigue (I kid you not I couldn't even get out of bed) has to be addressed. The earliest appointment I could get is next week so I will keep you posted of the outcome.
Getting back to the latest gripe and the title of this post.....the things people say! Yes again other people being totally out of order the latest being a mate who has said a lot of nice things to me for example on the subject of my 5 stone weight gain and looking different told me that "I don't care what you look like as long as your here" and "we love you regardless" in the next breath whilst discussing the world population explosion and associated problems decided to announce that if she had been diagnosed with cancer she wouldn't have chemo, surgery or radiotherapy all this does is keep those of us affected by cancer alive and kicking and we are costing the country millions keeping us alive!!!!! FUCKING WOW! what a thing to say to someone you know has secondary breast cancer and after all the wonderful things she has said, it begs belief doesn't it? I was flabbergasted to say the least, I decided to respond with you "you don't know how strong the survival instinct is until your in the dammed situation" I mean its easy to say I wouldn't do chemo but faced with life or death situation your natural instinct is to survive you go into it looking into every possible option and I do hate this word but you fucking fight. Its the same for any living thing on this planet faced with impeding death you fight. No matter how small or how large the creature your instinct is to survive and fight whether that involves taking chemo or having surgery and radiotherapy your trying to survive and live. I defy anyone to say otherwise. My cat brings home small rodents sometimes they are still alive, they fight to the bitter end, they don't give up there instinct is to live. Phew....... end of rant sorry but that really really pissed me off for so many reasons.
Getting back to the latest gripe and the title of this post.....the things people say! Yes again other people being totally out of order the latest being a mate who has said a lot of nice things to me for example on the subject of my 5 stone weight gain and looking different told me that "I don't care what you look like as long as your here" and "we love you regardless" in the next breath whilst discussing the world population explosion and associated problems decided to announce that if she had been diagnosed with cancer she wouldn't have chemo, surgery or radiotherapy all this does is keep those of us affected by cancer alive and kicking and we are costing the country millions keeping us alive!!!!! FUCKING WOW! what a thing to say to someone you know has secondary breast cancer and after all the wonderful things she has said, it begs belief doesn't it? I was flabbergasted to say the least, I decided to respond with you "you don't know how strong the survival instinct is until your in the dammed situation" I mean its easy to say I wouldn't do chemo but faced with life or death situation your natural instinct is to survive you go into it looking into every possible option and I do hate this word but you fucking fight. Its the same for any living thing on this planet faced with impeding death you fight. No matter how small or how large the creature your instinct is to survive and fight whether that involves taking chemo or having surgery and radiotherapy your trying to survive and live. I defy anyone to say otherwise. My cat brings home small rodents sometimes they are still alive, they fight to the bitter end, they don't give up there instinct is to live. Phew....... end of rant sorry but that really really pissed me off for so many reasons.
Saturday, 6 February 2016
Blamers and Shamers
Another fabulous animation from Brené Brown explaining the truth about BLAME.
and interview with Oprah explaining the 6 worst people to share your SHAME with.
Saturday, 5 October 2013
CT Scan Results........not good....
Hello everyone,
As the title of this post would suggest my latest yearly CT scan results are in and not good. The lung mets are still currently the same and classified as in a stable condition BUT 'something' is showing up on my liver at the moment and they (the docs) don't know what it is, so have requested that I have another CT scan asap to take a closer look. Onc. said "we did see it on your last scan" (which was a year ago!!!) and I suppose they were taking a watch and see approach, would of been nice if they'd of told me that was what they were doing!!! Anyway the upshot is we don't know what 'it' is on my liver just that something is showing up on the CT so in the next 2 weeks I should of had a another scan and d-day is the 1st of November.
Urghhhhhhhhh Obviously with a a stage IV dx of breast cancer anyway you always assume the worst, but I am trying to keep myself positive and upbeat, its like someone has tele-ported me back to that first day of being told "you have cancer" such a knock back feel dazed and confused about the whole thing and certainly was not expecting it, especially after all the juicing, supplement taking, and spiritual healing I've been doing, everyone say's I look really healthy, although my answer to that is "I looked really friggin healthy before I got cancer" thats the scary thing about this vile disease. I've decided not to tell my mum and dad yet I think I'll wait until we know what we are dealing with, I don't want to unduly upset them. I've told a couple of friends and treatment practitioners about it and found it helped to share the news and get it off my chest, also some of them needed to know as they don't seem to understand why I might seem distant or withdrawn at times by sharing this with them they get to understand why. Sometimes its harder to hide the truth and I don't need anymore crap at the moment. Feeling like I need to digest what has happened and meditate on healing, so going to spend the rest of the weekend with my brother Andy and partner Lee. Lee was with me at the appointment and as usual was my rock.
During the consultation we also discussed my hormonal status to which I've learned that I'm not through the blasted menopause not by a long shot so it seems I have to continue taking the bloody Tamoxifen, the onc. said with head tilted to one side "why so disappointed at not being through the menopause your so young" yeah true I'm 45 (42 when dx) but whats the point in going back to having periods when your bodies fucked with the drugs, chemo and menopause its not like I'm ever going to be able to have children is it? and as I'm plagued with major side effects from the Tamoxifen and the menopause I'd rather be through with it and move onto another drug that might be a bit more user friendly, honestly these docs say the most stupid things sometimes!
Got the scan in the next 2 weeks and appointment on the 1st so will keep you all posted as too the outcome.
Love and light to all
Sarah xxxx
As the title of this post would suggest my latest yearly CT scan results are in and not good. The lung mets are still currently the same and classified as in a stable condition BUT 'something' is showing up on my liver at the moment and they (the docs) don't know what it is, so have requested that I have another CT scan asap to take a closer look. Onc. said "we did see it on your last scan" (which was a year ago!!!) and I suppose they were taking a watch and see approach, would of been nice if they'd of told me that was what they were doing!!! Anyway the upshot is we don't know what 'it' is on my liver just that something is showing up on the CT so in the next 2 weeks I should of had a another scan and d-day is the 1st of November.
Urghhhhhhhhh Obviously with a a stage IV dx of breast cancer anyway you always assume the worst, but I am trying to keep myself positive and upbeat, its like someone has tele-ported me back to that first day of being told "you have cancer" such a knock back feel dazed and confused about the whole thing and certainly was not expecting it, especially after all the juicing, supplement taking, and spiritual healing I've been doing, everyone say's I look really healthy, although my answer to that is "I looked really friggin healthy before I got cancer" thats the scary thing about this vile disease. I've decided not to tell my mum and dad yet I think I'll wait until we know what we are dealing with, I don't want to unduly upset them. I've told a couple of friends and treatment practitioners about it and found it helped to share the news and get it off my chest, also some of them needed to know as they don't seem to understand why I might seem distant or withdrawn at times by sharing this with them they get to understand why. Sometimes its harder to hide the truth and I don't need anymore crap at the moment. Feeling like I need to digest what has happened and meditate on healing, so going to spend the rest of the weekend with my brother Andy and partner Lee. Lee was with me at the appointment and as usual was my rock.
During the consultation we also discussed my hormonal status to which I've learned that I'm not through the blasted menopause not by a long shot so it seems I have to continue taking the bloody Tamoxifen, the onc. said with head tilted to one side "why so disappointed at not being through the menopause your so young" yeah true I'm 45 (42 when dx) but whats the point in going back to having periods when your bodies fucked with the drugs, chemo and menopause its not like I'm ever going to be able to have children is it? and as I'm plagued with major side effects from the Tamoxifen and the menopause I'd rather be through with it and move onto another drug that might be a bit more user friendly, honestly these docs say the most stupid things sometimes!
Got the scan in the next 2 weeks and appointment on the 1st so will keep you all posted as too the outcome.
Love and light to all
Sarah xxxx
Monday, 13 August 2012
Words of wisdom from across the pond
Since I had left the british Breast cancer care site I have moved over to using the American site, its a lot easier to use and actually works properly. I found this posted after a comment I made and found it touched somewhere deep inside and spoke to me of a truth I had been missing.
I have to share some of the pastor's sermon from this morning. The message was that practicing an activity over and over makes us better at it; practicing good makes us better at being good, practicing bad makes us better at being bad. The other part of the message was that it's OK to be angry - but interpreted as "being outraged at wrongs" - such as injustice, poverty, etc. It should prompt us to address the wrongs to help those who are unable to stand up for themselves. So, I know that by sharing experiences, loving kindness, and acceptance of each others' experiences, we are practicing "doing good" and we are sharing the outrage at the injustice of breast cancer and its effects, and hopefully helping all of us to get through it.
Another snippet from our friends across the pond, this puts it all in perspective putting the pieces together in a coherent way, facing the reality that is.
After time has past, in my opinion, it doesn't matter what you eat, drink, breath, absorb, worry, gene-pool-inherit, nor-where you live at any one point, "unless you live near a nuclear reactor", that it makes a-sceric of difference why this mutation occurs, its the Zillion $$ question, It maybe simply that all or some of the above needs to cross paths at the same time, in order for the mutant-dual-receptor-mutation to take place, and maybe add the stress-factor scenario, immune-suppressor to miss one of our own cells running over-time....Im guessing one day researcher will find a simple explanation for this and it may-well of been sitting right under our noises all the time !!!
Love and light xx
I have to share some of the pastor's sermon from this morning. The message was that practicing an activity over and over makes us better at it; practicing good makes us better at being good, practicing bad makes us better at being bad. The other part of the message was that it's OK to be angry - but interpreted as "being outraged at wrongs" - such as injustice, poverty, etc. It should prompt us to address the wrongs to help those who are unable to stand up for themselves. So, I know that by sharing experiences, loving kindness, and acceptance of each others' experiences, we are practicing "doing good" and we are sharing the outrage at the injustice of breast cancer and its effects, and hopefully helping all of us to get through it.
Another snippet from our friends across the pond, this puts it all in perspective putting the pieces together in a coherent way, facing the reality that is.
After time has past, in my opinion, it doesn't matter what you eat, drink, breath, absorb, worry, gene-pool-inherit, nor-where you live at any one point, "unless you live near a nuclear reactor", that it makes a-sceric of difference why this mutation occurs, its the Zillion $$ question, It maybe simply that all or some of the above needs to cross paths at the same time, in order for the mutant-dual-receptor-mutation to take place, and maybe add the stress-factor scenario, immune-suppressor to miss one of our own cells running over-time....Im guessing one day researcher will find a simple explanation for this and it may-well of been sitting right under our noises all the time !!!
Love and light xx
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