Finally a Hot Flush Fixer!!!!

After trying a myriad of methods, treatments and therapies to rid myself of the dreaded sweating, nausea, and hot hot hot feeling (not in a good sunbathing way), I've finally think I may of found something its called Magnesium Citrate and is available from all good health shops you need a high dose not more than 350 mgs a day but it really really works, I've not had one so far today, usually I would be on hot flush and symptoms no 11 by now sometimes even worse, like every 5mins! It was getting ridiculous, to the point of wanting to live in a cold shower or just lie down and die! which I know sounds stupid but honestly this thing the menopause is no joke and for some of us doomed to suffer either from a natural menopause or a chemically induced one it affects all areas of your life. Making you so depressed you just want to end it all. Please don't underestimate how shit it makes you feel its NOT as suggested to me like going to a hot country and sunning yourself, its horrific.

Any women reading this and think they have tried everything just try this Magnesium Citrate not only does it help with your hot flushes it also helps with feeling tired and helps you if your constipated, I honestly can't recommend this enough.

Life after ovaries operation...

Its been around 3 weeks since my ovaries were removed and so far I've had 3 migraines (I was up to around 4 a week previously) which is absolutely amazing and something I didn't anticipate, I also didn't think the hot flushes would get any better but bizarrely they have improved drastically, I no longer have the pulsating red face when I get a hot flush, rather sweat for a couple of minutes which pours off of my face then it stops and for once in 6 years I actually feel the cold, went out to the annual fireworks show and was feeling the cold, I was over joyed by this other people looked at me in astonishment but to me it was a major breakthrough, finally I can wear my cardigans and leggings without stripping down to a thin sleeveless dress all the time.

I am healing well where the scars are and they are literally disappearing before my eyes the only downside is I've put on a couple of pounds, not a huge amount but a bit of a disappointment, however I'm not going to let this get me down and rejoice at the migraine and hot flush results. I can safely say I am now post-menopausal just waiting for all the nasty side effects to stop and the results so far are giving me a much needed boost that this can and will happen. All in all I am very pleased with these results and feel happy in myself.

My father is battling the effects of his 2nd stroke and after 4 months in hospital! he is now in his own room in a convalescence home which we hope and pray he will improve in the next month or so and then finally return home. Its been a long 4 months but strokes really do take a long time to recover from, I don't think you ever really return to your normal self, but thankfully due to my brothers quickness in getting an ambulance, we believe this has saved as much of him as possible. I pray everyday for him and love him very much.

The month where if anybody says the P word to me I'll scream

Yes its that time of year again the air is cooler (thank god my hot flushes are off the scale!), the nights are drawing in, the leaves are falling all of these things I love but what I don't like is the bloody way people now call October Pinktober or words to that effect.... it makes my blood boil! Good natured well meaning people are duped into buying a product because it has the breast cancer logo splashed all over it and coloured it pink, what these good people don't realise is only a tiny amount of the money taken for the product actually goes to the breast cancer charity, hardly anything at all, certainly not enough to make a massive difference it just means that every October these companies get extra exposure under the cover of charity. Its a massive marketing campaign and yet again is clouded by money.

Back to the reality of living with secondary breast cancer, last week I had my flu jab (as I am immune compromised) which made me feel terrible I spent the whole week in bed, feeling very sick, achey (more than the usual) and plagued by migraines......the bain of my life. Today I awoke to the sinking feeling where I feel sick to the pit of my stomach and then the head throbs back on the sumatriptan and knock out drops....... just woke up and the whole flipping day has gone again.

Saw my GP last week and am to have another blood test for the thyroid so onwards and upwards, will keep you all informed if it does work out to be the thyroid gland.

Still feeling hot hot hot! but my lovely GP has upped the anti-depressants to 20mg a day so that should start taking effect shortly on the flushes that are the second bain of my life.

Best get on with whatever I have left of today.

2016 TFFT

UPDATE Dec 2015: Finally got in to the Nurse to have the Zoladex shot this went well and as I was in there I asked her to look up and see if my Thyroid results came back, yes they were back but nothing was abnormal cholesterol was on the high side but the Thyroid has gone back to being normal, so where does this leave me, it leaves me feeling stuck and desperate. I spoke with the lovely nurse who gave me the Zoladex and told me about the Thyroid she told me that she found it near impossible to loose weight going through the menopause and she told me that the weight I am carrying is indicative of menopause as its mainly all round my tummy like a tyre. I asked her how she managed to loose weight she told me and I quote "the only way I lost weight going through menopause was by fasting at least 2 days a week" she went on to say "I tried everything, extreme exercise, strict diets everything was tried and I didn't loose a pound!" she advised me to forget about loosing weight as it wouldn't shift until I'd been through the menopause completely something none of us know when we will be through, as for me personally Im in chemical menopause and will go through the menopause naturally again..... when I would of gone through it at a later date until then I have to suffer this dammed affliction and all its barbaric side effects. As you can imagine I'm not exactly on top of the world and am back to square one with the view that the only way to loose weight is to fast!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

And it was just that a Happy New Year spent on top of Glastonbury Tor with my best friend and partner. The view was spectacular you can see for 25 miles all around from the top of the Tor, the weather was clear and cold, the moon was out and the stars, people let off fireworks all around us at the stroke of midnight it looked magical, a beautiful spectacular night, all three of us thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Can't believe I managed to get up there a lot of huffing and puffing and sitting down about 25 mins in all but I did it I managed to get up the Tor, something I've always wanted to do on new year.

Back to business as usual.... Zoladex

Tomorrow I get my 2nd shot of Zoladex the first hit wasn't good and now I am dreading this next one. Its not the injection got over my fear of needles back in 2011 when having chemo and the continued Herceptin no its the size of the fucker. It's massive I mean this thing is huge. Of course now I know what to expect I am expecting horrendous pain urghhh life doesn't get any easier. The last shot did work immediately and stopped the dammed period and I haven't had any period pain since that last one so reckon it could of closed the ovaries down for good. Which would be a blessed relief and one less trip to the hospital every month. Looking forward to going out with my best friend afterwards for a small shopping trip there's always a silver lining.

Update - Thanks to the Tamoxifen tire around my middle I didn't even feel the needle go in this time last time it did hurt, so all in all pleased with that. Suppose there's got to be some compensation for having a fat tummy eh!!!

Still weighing up the pro's and con's of having ovaries removed. Here's an interesting article in The Mail http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3031006/The-hell-surgical-menopause-s-not-just-Angelina-Jolie-women-opting-life-saving-operations-carry-cruel-price.html
which goes into the nightmare side effects of a forced surgical, early, menopause. I am and have been in menopause for the past 4 years ever since that first chemo injection the hot flushes have been horrendous this isn't just a little bit of heat its a full on pressure cooker on fire, turning bright red in the face so everyone looks at you with that quizzical "whats wrong with you" face on, the sweat pouring down your face, feeling really sick so bad I have to take anti-sickness meds, sticking my head in the freezer is about the only way of relieving the effects and I'm 4 years down the road. I'm wondering if I do have my ovaries out if the menopausal side effects will continue or even dare I say it get worse!!!! All considerations and questions to ask Onc. as well as possibly asking to have other massive breast removed as I feel so out of balance and hate hate hate the remaining breast. Lots to ask on the next appointment.

Zoladex v Oophorectomy

A week ago after 4 years in menopause my body decided to have a last hurrah and I had a period WTF!! I have never felt so low honestly even when I was dx I didn't feel this low but I was really really down, suicidal and depressed then I started to get the old period pains and thought eh up what's this! then I got the period fairly light but so dammed painful. All of a sudden things started to click into place I hadn't had a blasted hot flush for at least a week, my skin was incredibly spotty and I was feeling like I used to feel before I got dx utterly depressed obviously I was producing oestrogen and whilst I would love not to have the menopausal symptoms I definitely wouldn't want to swap it for the period related symptoms and the obvious one cancer! So reluctantly I phoned my onc's secretary told her she relayed this to Onc. who got her to phone me back with an immediate appt. the following day, wonders will never cease! The discussion was how to deal with the period and it was decided that I've to add yet another fucking drug to my arsenal of Zoladex implant. This consists of a heavy duty needle injected into your tummy (thank fuck for the tire around my stomach otherwise it would of been horrendously painful) I'm to have a low dose at first for the first 3 injections every 3 weeks then every 3 months thereafter. Urghhhhhh.............. 

So within hours the period stopped and I started to feel less agitated anxious and depressed I was ultra surprised at how quickly this thing works! Straight away the old hot flushes returned and the headaches were back but at least I didn't feel suicidal! However, I'm thinking whats the point in having these injections why not just have the buggers removed? I'm now trying to figure out what the pros and cons of having such an operation would entail and how it would affect my life afterwards. Weirdly enough Angelina Jolie Pitt has just had this very same operation in her attempts to thwart the getting cancer (she has an incredibly high risk to getting both breast and ovarian cancer) she's had them out and is now on hormonal patches to help with the menopausal side effects. Of course for us breast cancer hormonal ladies having HRT by way of patches or anything else is not an option so its like going cold turkey with nothing to alleviate the effects BUT I have been going through this menopausal thing for 4 years already surely this shit stops at some point!!!! I need to work this thing out when I have more info I will post it and list the pro's and con's it might help someone else who is faced with this dilemma.

Prolapsed WTF!

Ok this is a difficult post to write and I can't quite believe its happening to me BUT I've now got a prolapsed uterus again another secondary cause from a) being in menopause early b) continued cancer treatments ie: hormonal as lack of oestrogen can also cause it c) coughing so bad over xmas and new year that I've strained myself and think this is what finally caused it. I'd been feeling that things weren't right uh humm....... in the nether regions for a while and realised after some research on the net what it actually was. I'd found that something was sticking out where it never did before a sort of dare I say it lump....... as you can imagine finding any type of lump anywhere on my body tends to freak me out! I did mention this to my GP who decided to ignore this particular problem and chose to deal with the other things on my list as long as your arm. I've got a Onc. appt. this Friday morning for results of latest CT scan so will be mentioning this to them if they don't deal with it then I suppose I'll have to ask either GP or Onc. to refer me to Gyno dept. WTF this fucking disease just keeps on giving doesn't it? So been doing my pelvic floor exercises as many times a day as is humanely possible in a the vain hope that I can avoid any further surgery, I'm shitting myself over this one urghhhhhhh......

Will keep you all posted on this and the results of my latest CT scan.

The Be careful what you wish for shit......

I've just finished reading that wonderful book by Lorna Byrne (see last post) and ended reading it with mixed emotions, she really had a hard life not just materially but emotionally, the angels couldn't stop the horrible things happening in fact even worse they would warn her about an impeding disaster so she was ready for it wide eyes open. No thanks I'd rather not know whats about to happen to me especially if its very unpleasant. This was something I tussled with when I was dx, I was afraid of what was wrong with me, I didn't understand it and yes I was getting signals from spirit but unfortunately it was a little bit late by the time I realised I had something seriously wrong with me. The thing is you don't walk around thinking "I wonder if I've got cancer" it just creeps up on you and wallops you straight in the face, I never thought I would get cancer not for one solitary moment did that thought cross my mind, which reminds me anyone who say's be careful about what you think ie: that I thought about getting cancer and then got it, is completely off there fucking head, I didn't wish this terrible disease on myself put simply I was fucking unlucky!!!! People say flippin stupid things like "be careful what you wish for", ummm well I didn't wish for this shit I can tell you, I was busy getting on with my life keeping my head down and working hard planning for a baby then like a punch in the face I got bloody cancer and my whole world turned upside down, it feels like I've had the rug pulled from underneath me and at times I really don't know where to turn for comfort. The plan was to have a baby cancer's put an end to that, no baby as I've been thrown head long into an early menopause and the drugs I'm on will keep me that way for the foreseeable future and at the age of now 45 (then 42) its too late to have a baby so thats never going to happen, trouble is what to do? of course I'm lucky to be alive but what do I do with my time now? my original plans are fucked up and I'm having trouble getting into anything creative, I've no money to go travelling and I've no career, part of me feels like "what is the point!" the other part of me scolds myself for even thinking that way, god its a nightmare, wish it would stop and life could got back to normal, back to a life without cancer looming on the horizon.

I've spent today painting but its not inspiring or exciting me its not the celebration of life that it once used to be. All I can do is to ask my guardian angel to help me through this turmoil and show me the way forward. xxx Love and light to you all xxxx