Life after ovaries operation...

Its been around 3 weeks since my ovaries were removed and so far I've had 3 migraines (I was up to around 4 a week previously) which is absolutely amazing and something I didn't anticipate, I also didn't think the hot flushes would get any better but bizarrely they have improved drastically, I no longer have the pulsating red face when I get a hot flush, rather sweat for a couple of minutes which pours off of my face then it stops and for once in 6 years I actually feel the cold, went out to the annual fireworks show and was feeling the cold, I was over joyed by this other people looked at me in astonishment but to me it was a major breakthrough, finally I can wear my cardigans and leggings without stripping down to a thin sleeveless dress all the time.

I am healing well where the scars are and they are literally disappearing before my eyes the only downside is I've put on a couple of pounds, not a huge amount but a bit of a disappointment, however I'm not going to let this get me down and rejoice at the migraine and hot flush results. I can safely say I am now post-menopausal just waiting for all the nasty side effects to stop and the results so far are giving me a much needed boost that this can and will happen. All in all I am very pleased with these results and feel happy in myself.

My father is battling the effects of his 2nd stroke and after 4 months in hospital! he is now in his own room in a convalescence home which we hope and pray he will improve in the next month or so and then finally return home. Its been a long 4 months but strokes really do take a long time to recover from, I don't think you ever really return to your normal self, but thankfully due to my brothers quickness in getting an ambulance, we believe this has saved as much of him as possible. I pray everyday for him and love him very much.

Ovaries gone

It all happened so quickly one minute quietly going about my daily business not considering that within days my ovaries operation would happen. Both ovaries, fallopian tubes and a large polyp thingy have been removed, gone, goodbye, fini. Yep went into hospital at 7am came out on same day at 7pm a whole 12 hour stint in there bloody hell fire that was a full on kind of day. How do I feel? pretty much the same but for a bit sore around the abdomen also very itchy where the skin is mending other than that all is good. So far since op I've had one migraine WOW (I was suffering with up to 4 a week) and hot flushes are minimal and when they do happen they are nowhere near as bad as before. Mental or what? Didn't anticipate the plus side of having it all removed other than the obvious in that I don't have to have the Zoladex implant anymore Hurray! and Im not producing estrogen from my god dam ovaries YAY. So I will continue to talk to you all about this and any plus's that might arise in the area of weight loss, (secretly hoping that this might be a bloody fantastic side effect). My gynae consultant/surgeon came and saw me afterwards he told me that due to chemo my bowel had dropped inside and in doing so was now touching one of my ovaries, he said the part that was touching on my bowel was inflamed and looked very angry, so aside from the list above I would also like to add that I am so glad they have taken them, all sorts of problems from things touching each other that shouldn't be touching. This was a hidden benefit that I hadn't anticipated, so all in all totally happy with my decision to remove said ovaries and any possibility of getting ovarian cancer due to the Zoladex implant which apparently increased my risk ten fold. So adios amigos I wont miss em and I certainly wont mourn there loss.

Goodbye Ovaries

As the title of this post would suggest I have made up my mind and I am having them removed. I had an appointment at 11o'clock on Friday to see my newest edition to the 'Sarah Team' Gynaecologist Mr. H. who is very nice and really put my mind at ease, he performs the operation at least once a month and said it wouldn't make any difference to me other than not having to have Zoladex every 3 months. Also whilst I was there he checked out the Polyp thingy and yes its large and bearing down on my womb making me feel like I had a prolapse, its too big to remove whilst I am awake so he's removing it and the ovaries all at the same time whilst I am out of it, so all in all think I've made the right decision to have the operation. So appointment was at 11 he then sent me down for pre-ops where I was hours, I eventually got out of there at 3.30 feeling frazzled but relieved that that is now done, now I have to wait for the letter informing me when Im going in for the op.

Decisions, decisions.......shitty decisions

Just received my letter telling me to come for a consultation with my gynaecologist in relation to my decision about whether or not to an Oophorectomy.

I don't know why I am feeling odd about this, I suppose its easier discussing this than it actually becoming a reality. It feels like the end of my life as a woman. Its ridiculous really I wanted this to happen, I've actively been chasing this operation and the rational side of me is saying "this makes sense, get the bloody useless things removed"BUT. I didn't feel this way about having my breast removed it didn't bother me in the same way, I was practically joyous about having a mastectomy but then it was more black and white, get rid of it, no more cancer etc. This however is totally different. I know my ovaries are being shut down every 3 months with a massive injection that I hate, I know I am in menopause and that the chance of ever having children is over, its so stupid I know all of these facts but still feel weird about having the operation done. The appointment is on the 14th and I know I have to have this done, its a no brainer, children aren't an option and I'm sick of the Zoladex.

I guess the answer is yes just needed to sound off a bit and get it all out.
Thanks for being here.

What the Polyp is that.........

"What the fuck is that...... " I said when the nurse who was giving me a smear test announced whilst she was at the business end "oh you have a large polyp". Apparently I have a large Polyp in my vagina wall, its a lump (yes another fucking lump) that thankfully is benign....phew.....sigh of relief. The nurse promptly ran off to bring a Dr (thankfully a woman Dr) to take a peek at my neither regions and she confirmed what the nurse said. So a Polyp is a bit like a skin tag but downstairs, and mine is very big and is actually pushing on the walls of my insides, I've been feeling uncomfortable downstairs for sometime and I thought it had something to do with the menopause and a possible prolapse womb, but no I was wrong its a lumpy thing. Urghhh...... of course I panicked as soon as she said lump and had to wait for the Dr to come and take a look before I could breath a huge sigh of relief. Anything lumpy will always take me back to that day 6 years ago when another large lump was found on my lady hump leaving me in a state of sheer terror. So I've googled Polyps and found out the following information:

The exact reason that polyps form is unknown, but swings in hormone levels may be a factor. Estrogen, which plays a role in causing the endometrium to thicken each month, also appears to be linked to the growth of uterine polyps.

What are cervical polyps?
Cervical polyps are small, elongated tumors that grow on the cervix. The cervix is the narrow canal at the bottom of the uterus that extends into the vagina. The cervix connects the uterine cavity and the upper portion of the vagina. It acts as the passageway for sperm to fertilize an egg, which could result in pregnancy. During labor, the cervix becomes thinner and wider. This allows the baby to pass through the birth canal.

Polyps are fragile structures that grow from stalks rooted on the surface of the cervix or inside of the cervical canal. If someone has polyps, usually only one polyp is present, and two or three at most.

Cervical polyps are usually benign, or not cancerous, and cervical cancer rarely arises from them. Most cervical cancers are due to the human papilloma virus (HPV), which is also the cause of genital warts.

Symptoms of cervical polyps
Polyps on the cervix may not cause any noticeable symptoms. However, see your gynaecologist right away if you experience vaginal discharge of white or yellow mucus, or abnormally heavy periods.

You should also call your doctor if you experience vaginal spotting or bleeding:
after sexual intercourse
between periods
after douching
after menopause

Some of these symptoms can also be signs of cancer. In rare cases, polyps represent an early phase of cervical cancer. Removing them helps reduce this risk.


Why polyps occur?
It isn’t fully understood why cervical polyps occur. Their formation may be linked to:
increased levels of estrogen, which is the female sex hormone
chronic inflammation of the cervix, vagina, or uterus
clogged blood vessels
High estrogen levels

Estrogen levels naturally fluctuate throughout a woman’s life. Your estrogen levels will be highest during childbearing years, during any pregnancies, and in the months leading up to menopause.

Man-made chemicals that mimic estrogen are present in the environment. For example, xenoestrogens are in commercially produced meats and dairy products. Chemical estrogens can also be released into food that’s heated.

So there you have it bloody fucking Estrogen again..... WTF....... god I'm sick of these dammed hormones.

On a plus note I've decided after chatting with the nurse today and with the Polyp in mind that probably the best decision regarding ovaries is to have the bastards out, and whilst they are taking those out they can remove said polyp. 

Ovaries v Zoladex

On Friday I had an appointment at the hospital in a new department the Gynaecology dept. it was my first consultation on the possible removal of my ovaries and apparently tubes. I've been on Zoladex which is a 3 monthly injection with the largest needle possible of an implant through the stomach to shut down my ovaries, this works very well and apart from the very unpleasant brace yourself injection, nothing else bothered me (or so I thought), every time I go for the injection I become anxious and experience a panic attack, so afterwards I feel extremely fraught and fragile.

The consultant I saw was a very pleasant man although have too say why are gynaecologist's always men? I would of rather of seen a female. Back to the story..... he explained to me that Zoladex shuts my ovaries down and that taking my ovaries and tubes out would basically remove the need for this unpleasant injection, also he mentioned that some women experience very depressed feelings and this explains that whilst I am on anti-depressants for the hot flushes I still experience extremely depressed moods and thought I was going crackers but clearly I'm not! I realise it's the Zoladex. We discussed the possible repercussions of having both ovaries out to which he seemed to think I would feel no different than what I do presently as the Zoladex had officially closed my ovaries down. So I am now waiting for another appointment in 3 months time, in the meantime I need to decide if I definitely want to have the operation, get a smear test yuk, and a Braca's gene test, I don't think I've had this test done so far and apparently if confirmed positive would increase the possibility of developing a womb cancer and of course increasing the possibility of breast cancer returning.

So what to do....... I thought I was sure about this but now feel a bit weirded out by it, will keep you all informed of my decision in the meantime if anybody reading this can advise I would be most appreciative, just leave a comment thanks xxxx

Zoldadex

So, last time I had the dreaded Zoladex shot it was back in August the reason was because my poor old ovaries had decided to kick start themselves back in to action with a period which after 4 years of a no show was a massive shock to the system.  The drug worked marvellously at stopping them from pumping out the dammed bad oestrogen, but the side effects were not very nice again more fucking weight gain...... so I decided not to go back for the 3 monthly shot and just play it by ear, see if my periods returned and so far so good until earlier this week when I had a nervous breakdown, shit the fuckers are working again..... back to the dammed drugs and the super massive needle poked into my stomach, having the shot next week and hopefully the sooner the better. Oestrogen is totally bad for me not just because of the cancer but because it affects me in such a negative way making me very sad, snappy, angry, raging, bitch, depressed, suicidal amongst other things so back on the drugs and can't wait for it, at least once I've had the shot I will feel less agressive about life and everything.

Back to business as usual.... Zoladex

Tomorrow I get my 2nd shot of Zoladex the first hit wasn't good and now I am dreading this next one. Its not the injection got over my fear of needles back in 2011 when having chemo and the continued Herceptin no its the size of the fucker. It's massive I mean this thing is huge. Of course now I know what to expect I am expecting horrendous pain urghhh life doesn't get any easier. The last shot did work immediately and stopped the dammed period and I haven't had any period pain since that last one so reckon it could of closed the ovaries down for good. Which would be a blessed relief and one less trip to the hospital every month. Looking forward to going out with my best friend afterwards for a small shopping trip there's always a silver lining.

Update - Thanks to the Tamoxifen tire around my middle I didn't even feel the needle go in this time last time it did hurt, so all in all pleased with that. Suppose there's got to be some compensation for having a fat tummy eh!!!

Still weighing up the pro's and con's of having ovaries removed. Here's an interesting article in The Mail http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3031006/The-hell-surgical-menopause-s-not-just-Angelina-Jolie-women-opting-life-saving-operations-carry-cruel-price.html
which goes into the nightmare side effects of a forced surgical, early, menopause. I am and have been in menopause for the past 4 years ever since that first chemo injection the hot flushes have been horrendous this isn't just a little bit of heat its a full on pressure cooker on fire, turning bright red in the face so everyone looks at you with that quizzical "whats wrong with you" face on, the sweat pouring down your face, feeling really sick so bad I have to take anti-sickness meds, sticking my head in the freezer is about the only way of relieving the effects and I'm 4 years down the road. I'm wondering if I do have my ovaries out if the menopausal side effects will continue or even dare I say it get worse!!!! All considerations and questions to ask Onc. as well as possibly asking to have other massive breast removed as I feel so out of balance and hate hate hate the remaining breast. Lots to ask on the next appointment.

Zoladex v Oophorectomy

A week ago after 4 years in menopause my body decided to have a last hurrah and I had a period WTF!! I have never felt so low honestly even when I was dx I didn't feel this low but I was really really down, suicidal and depressed then I started to get the old period pains and thought eh up what's this! then I got the period fairly light but so dammed painful. All of a sudden things started to click into place I hadn't had a blasted hot flush for at least a week, my skin was incredibly spotty and I was feeling like I used to feel before I got dx utterly depressed obviously I was producing oestrogen and whilst I would love not to have the menopausal symptoms I definitely wouldn't want to swap it for the period related symptoms and the obvious one cancer! So reluctantly I phoned my onc's secretary told her she relayed this to Onc. who got her to phone me back with an immediate appt. the following day, wonders will never cease! The discussion was how to deal with the period and it was decided that I've to add yet another fucking drug to my arsenal of Zoladex implant. This consists of a heavy duty needle injected into your tummy (thank fuck for the tire around my stomach otherwise it would of been horrendously painful) I'm to have a low dose at first for the first 3 injections every 3 weeks then every 3 months thereafter. Urghhhhhh.............. 

So within hours the period stopped and I started to feel less agitated anxious and depressed I was ultra surprised at how quickly this thing works! Straight away the old hot flushes returned and the headaches were back but at least I didn't feel suicidal! However, I'm thinking whats the point in having these injections why not just have the buggers removed? I'm now trying to figure out what the pros and cons of having such an operation would entail and how it would affect my life afterwards. Weirdly enough Angelina Jolie Pitt has just had this very same operation in her attempts to thwart the getting cancer (she has an incredibly high risk to getting both breast and ovarian cancer) she's had them out and is now on hormonal patches to help with the menopausal side effects. Of course for us breast cancer hormonal ladies having HRT by way of patches or anything else is not an option so its like going cold turkey with nothing to alleviate the effects BUT I have been going through this menopausal thing for 4 years already surely this shit stops at some point!!!! I need to work this thing out when I have more info I will post it and list the pro's and con's it might help someone else who is faced with this dilemma.