Ovaries v Zoladex

On Friday I had an appointment at the hospital in a new department the Gynaecology dept. it was my first consultation on the possible removal of my ovaries and apparently tubes. I've been on Zoladex which is a 3 monthly injection with the largest needle possible of an implant through the stomach to shut down my ovaries, this works very well and apart from the very unpleasant brace yourself injection, nothing else bothered me (or so I thought), every time I go for the injection I become anxious and experience a panic attack, so afterwards I feel extremely fraught and fragile.

The consultant I saw was a very pleasant man although have too say why are gynaecologist's always men? I would of rather of seen a female. Back to the story..... he explained to me that Zoladex shuts my ovaries down and that taking my ovaries and tubes out would basically remove the need for this unpleasant injection, also he mentioned that some women experience very depressed feelings and this explains that whilst I am on anti-depressants for the hot flushes I still experience extremely depressed moods and thought I was going crackers but clearly I'm not! I realise it's the Zoladex. We discussed the possible repercussions of having both ovaries out to which he seemed to think I would feel no different than what I do presently as the Zoladex had officially closed my ovaries down. So I am now waiting for another appointment in 3 months time, in the meantime I need to decide if I definitely want to have the operation, get a smear test yuk, and a Braca's gene test, I don't think I've had this test done so far and apparently if confirmed positive would increase the possibility of developing a womb cancer and of course increasing the possibility of breast cancer returning.

So what to do....... I thought I was sure about this but now feel a bit weirded out by it, will keep you all informed of my decision in the meantime if anybody reading this can advise I would be most appreciative, just leave a comment thanks xxxx

The C Word and Lisa Lynch

About an hour ago I watched the short drama on the life and cancer of Lisa Lynch of 'Alright Tit' blog fame and her book 'The C-Word' and remembered why I was feeling so dejected all of the art events this week were something to strive for something to bring hope and joy, watching the film brought back the whole horrible terrifying experience of having cancer and living with it, I could relate to all her pain, emotional suffering, and heartache all the shit she had to go through like chemo, surgery, radiotherapy only to be told that the 'Bullshit' as she called it had returned.  If you haven't watched this its on the iplayer its moving, it makes you cry, but its real, honest depiction of the insanity of a secondary breast cancer dx, I could relate to all of it from finding out and having to tell everyone to going through horrendous chemo and surgery all of it was exactly how I remember it, somehow seeing it on TV makes life seem even more precious and fragile than it already is. Its reminded me to be thankful for all that I have including the chance to fail at a miserable art competition how unbelievably unimportant it all is. All we have is our relationships our friends and family thats all that is important. Lisa Lynch died in 2013 after fighting secondary breast cancer for the record ITS A MOTHER FUCKER.... and I FUCKING HATE IT!!!

Here's the link to Lisa's brilliant blog http://alrighttit.blogspot.co.uk and to the iplayer film 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05tr05b/the-c-word