Flat chested and happy.........

Its been a fair few weeks now down the line since the 2nd mastectomy and I am feeling a lot better. A couple of weeks after the op I wasn't so impressed I had an infection in my wound which needed antibiotics and I also needed to have the area drained twice again not impressed but managed to get through it, I kept reminding myself I've been through worse and survived and I was right. what didn't help was catching flu around new year that really wiped me out and made it very difficult I was actually throwing up and the pressure of heaving made my scar area fill with fluid hence having to have it drained twice. The bug was much worse than the operation and I am so glad its all over and done with.

New Year new body, new me......


Results in from my latest CT scan are good or rather everything is stable so all in all very positive. I am now just looking at one hospital appointment next week for my 3 weekly Herceptin and then a break from going to hospital or appointments for at least 3 weeks and no intermediate appointments. YAY...... feels good to think I'm through the worst of it, with CT scan done, Oncology appointment done, bloods and echo scan done. Phewwwww

Feeling a lot lot lighter and not walking with a bob out of balance or weird gait anymore as the boob is gone and makes me feel normal I know that sounds strange but the one massive boob was such a pain in the arse and made me feel so abnormal, its the best thing I've ever had done since this whole thing started and I am hopeful that this year will see an improvement on all health fronts because of it. Migraines whilst still there are not as frequent as I was getting them and not quite as intense, neck pain on my left hand side is also not as bad so whilst the migraines cannot be blamed entirely on the boob now its gone I have noticed a difference and its for the better. I am feeling a lot happier although of course it goes with out saying I would of been at my happiest if I had never gotten fucking breast cancer but hey ho.......

All in all everything is proceeding in a positive way and I am feeling a lot better about myself and my new life living with secondary breast cancer.

2nd Mastectomy, 2nd time lucky.......RESULT

Those of you who read my post's will already know about my cancelled operation see post NHS no beds...

I finally have another appointment on the 27th of November as a day patient so I will be going home on the same day (apparently this is the new norm with mastectomy operations) got everything crossed to get this operation out of my way this year. New surgeon is fantastic so all is good on that front.

UPDATE

6 days out of surgery YAY it happened this time. Turns out that going home was a good move although I had to go back into hospital on the Friday for a drain check/removal, they were going to replace the bottle however, I told them next week I have a CT Scan, an echo heart scan, Herceptin injection not all on the same day, they decided to take the drain out to save me another visit to the hospital. Thank god for that!!!

Feeling very sore as one would expect and not sure about the wound its a bit gunky but I have Herceptin tomorrow so shall show the nurses see what they think.

Other than that its wonderful to feel flat chested no sinister lumps and bumps no lady humps to worry about. Looking forward to a boob free life. No tears so far I don't miss them or it! Looking forward to a few months down the line when this will be a distant memory.

No Beds NHS

Wow, didn't expect that. Turned up at my appointment for operation on the 12th I had to get a lift with my other half who couldn't take any time off work so I was at the hospital bright and early, waited 3 hours before my appointment time, at 11 oclock I walked into the ward and they started to do the usual, admin form filing in, gave me surgical tights and got me changed into a gown then out of the blue a lady turned up and asked to speak to me in private where she revealed that my operation had been cancelled that day as there wasn't any beds available. I have heard that this happens but why didn't they contact me the day before???? urgh........... back to the drawing board. I was then stranded at the hospital feeling knackered and starting to develop a migraine, talked my partner into picking me up and taking me home so got home about 3ish......what a long, waste of time day that was.

2nd Mastectomy

Some people will know that I have always wanted the left hand breast removed. From the very beginning when I was first dx I wanted to have both off but the surgeon wouldn't perform it saying and I quote "I never remove a healthy breast" however I argued that with secondaries as well I wasn't living with a healthy breast but rather a ticking time bomb. Not only was it a cancer bomb waiting to erupt but also it had grown from a size 32 to 42 in a very short time making it stupidly large, also I can't wear a bra as when they took the bad boob they also took a lot of lymph nodes out down the side of my body where your bra strap sits this causes a lot of pain when I wear a bra hence not being able to wear a bra making me feel out of balance, looking out of balance, carrying extra weight on that side and a boob that is feeling the force of gravity altogether a right pain in the tit! Seriously though, I have been suffering with the odd weird pain in that breast and of course worry like mad that its something more sinister.

So finally after a lot of pushing on my part the powers that be have agreed that to remove it wouldn't be such a strange idea and are now offering me surgery dates of the 12th of September, I only got informed of this on Friday 31st August, so got this weekend to discuss and go over everything with my long suffering partner. Who agrees it should go.

Weekend over and decision is made. Pre-op this Thursday and operation next Wednesday.

Feeling a little anxious but I know it makes sense and thank god for the NHS I can have the operation and with any luck will live a little longer.

Wish me luck.

Getting the balance back

Its been a while since I last posted and I am happy to report, all is ok on the cancer front and I am adjusting to life without the ovaries. Hot flushes are still an unfortunate part of my life and I do hate them BUT winter is coming and the weather is cooler so life becomes less hot and bothered.

Last week I had a appointment with my new oncologist Dr G. is amazing I really get on with her and 

its been a long time since I actually spoke with a full fledged Onc. as my previous Onc. sadly died of liver cancer however, I always seemed to be dealt with by registrars. I've complained a lot of times about feeling out of balance, my size 32 chest has grown to a size 42 on the remaining breast and its a pain, not only is it massive and heavy its exasperated by the fact I can't wear a bra, I've tried every bra known to mankind and none of them are supportive and pain free. My problem is I had a lot of lymph nodes out and due to the fact that I was skinny (size 8 back then) the nodes were in with all the muscle which my surgeon had to dissect, it took him ages and he had to cut through muscle, my armpit area and my torso on the right hand side are badly scarred and so whenever I wear a bra no matter what type it digs into my scar tissue and ends up feeling very painful, so much so that I have to take the bra off after only half an hour! So this leaves me not wearing a bra most of the time and feeling very out of balance, Dr G. could see how out of balance I was carrying myself and suggested that she would refer me to a breast surgeon who could perform a mastectomy of the left hand side breast as a life enhancing operation. Fantastic! So I am now waiting for an appointment to see a breast surgeon and whilst they have a policy of not operating on a healthy breast they might when they realise how out of balance I carry myself and the ramifications of this on my body and life. Considering they perform breast enlargement on the NHS I think this isn't a big ask, considering what I've got and what I've been through. Dr G did explain that it wouldn't be this year as its not an emergency which is fine by me, I'd rather have it next year anyway. So fingers crossed this will happen and I will be rid of the massive boob that blights my life.

Life after ovaries operation...

Its been around 3 weeks since my ovaries were removed and so far I've had 3 migraines (I was up to around 4 a week previously) which is absolutely amazing and something I didn't anticipate, I also didn't think the hot flushes would get any better but bizarrely they have improved drastically, I no longer have the pulsating red face when I get a hot flush, rather sweat for a couple of minutes which pours off of my face then it stops and for once in 6 years I actually feel the cold, went out to the annual fireworks show and was feeling the cold, I was over joyed by this other people looked at me in astonishment but to me it was a major breakthrough, finally I can wear my cardigans and leggings without stripping down to a thin sleeveless dress all the time.

I am healing well where the scars are and they are literally disappearing before my eyes the only downside is I've put on a couple of pounds, not a huge amount but a bit of a disappointment, however I'm not going to let this get me down and rejoice at the migraine and hot flush results. I can safely say I am now post-menopausal just waiting for all the nasty side effects to stop and the results so far are giving me a much needed boost that this can and will happen. All in all I am very pleased with these results and feel happy in myself.

My father is battling the effects of his 2nd stroke and after 4 months in hospital! he is now in his own room in a convalescence home which we hope and pray he will improve in the next month or so and then finally return home. Its been a long 4 months but strokes really do take a long time to recover from, I don't think you ever really return to your normal self, but thankfully due to my brothers quickness in getting an ambulance, we believe this has saved as much of him as possible. I pray everyday for him and love him very much.

Ovaries gone

It all happened so quickly one minute quietly going about my daily business not considering that within days my ovaries operation would happen. Both ovaries, fallopian tubes and a large polyp thingy have been removed, gone, goodbye, fini. Yep went into hospital at 7am came out on same day at 7pm a whole 12 hour stint in there bloody hell fire that was a full on kind of day. How do I feel? pretty much the same but for a bit sore around the abdomen also very itchy where the skin is mending other than that all is good. So far since op I've had one migraine WOW (I was suffering with up to 4 a week) and hot flushes are minimal and when they do happen they are nowhere near as bad as before. Mental or what? Didn't anticipate the plus side of having it all removed other than the obvious in that I don't have to have the Zoladex implant anymore Hurray! and Im not producing estrogen from my god dam ovaries YAY. So I will continue to talk to you all about this and any plus's that might arise in the area of weight loss, (secretly hoping that this might be a bloody fantastic side effect). My gynae consultant/surgeon came and saw me afterwards he told me that due to chemo my bowel had dropped inside and in doing so was now touching one of my ovaries, he said the part that was touching on my bowel was inflamed and looked very angry, so aside from the list above I would also like to add that I am so glad they have taken them, all sorts of problems from things touching each other that shouldn't be touching. This was a hidden benefit that I hadn't anticipated, so all in all totally happy with my decision to remove said ovaries and any possibility of getting ovarian cancer due to the Zoladex implant which apparently increased my risk ten fold. So adios amigos I wont miss em and I certainly wont mourn there loss.

Goodbye Ovaries

As the title of this post would suggest I have made up my mind and I am having them removed. I had an appointment at 11o'clock on Friday to see my newest edition to the 'Sarah Team' Gynaecologist Mr. H. who is very nice and really put my mind at ease, he performs the operation at least once a month and said it wouldn't make any difference to me other than not having to have Zoladex every 3 months. Also whilst I was there he checked out the Polyp thingy and yes its large and bearing down on my womb making me feel like I had a prolapse, its too big to remove whilst I am awake so he's removing it and the ovaries all at the same time whilst I am out of it, so all in all think I've made the right decision to have the operation. So appointment was at 11 he then sent me down for pre-ops where I was hours, I eventually got out of there at 3.30 feeling frazzled but relieved that that is now done, now I have to wait for the letter informing me when Im going in for the op.

Decisions, decisions.......shitty decisions

Just received my letter telling me to come for a consultation with my gynaecologist in relation to my decision about whether or not to an Oophorectomy.

I don't know why I am feeling odd about this, I suppose its easier discussing this than it actually becoming a reality. It feels like the end of my life as a woman. Its ridiculous really I wanted this to happen, I've actively been chasing this operation and the rational side of me is saying "this makes sense, get the bloody useless things removed"BUT. I didn't feel this way about having my breast removed it didn't bother me in the same way, I was practically joyous about having a mastectomy but then it was more black and white, get rid of it, no more cancer etc. This however is totally different. I know my ovaries are being shut down every 3 months with a massive injection that I hate, I know I am in menopause and that the chance of ever having children is over, its so stupid I know all of these facts but still feel weird about having the operation done. The appointment is on the 14th and I know I have to have this done, its a no brainer, children aren't an option and I'm sick of the Zoladex.

I guess the answer is yes just needed to sound off a bit and get it all out.
Thanks for being here.

What the Polyp is that.........

"What the fuck is that...... " I said when the nurse who was giving me a smear test announced whilst she was at the business end "oh you have a large polyp". Apparently I have a large Polyp in my vagina wall, its a lump (yes another fucking lump) that thankfully is benign....phew.....sigh of relief. The nurse promptly ran off to bring a Dr (thankfully a woman Dr) to take a peek at my neither regions and she confirmed what the nurse said. So a Polyp is a bit like a skin tag but downstairs, and mine is very big and is actually pushing on the walls of my insides, I've been feeling uncomfortable downstairs for sometime and I thought it had something to do with the menopause and a possible prolapse womb, but no I was wrong its a lumpy thing. Urghhh...... of course I panicked as soon as she said lump and had to wait for the Dr to come and take a look before I could breath a huge sigh of relief. Anything lumpy will always take me back to that day 6 years ago when another large lump was found on my lady hump leaving me in a state of sheer terror. So I've googled Polyps and found out the following information:

The exact reason that polyps form is unknown, but swings in hormone levels may be a factor. Estrogen, which plays a role in causing the endometrium to thicken each month, also appears to be linked to the growth of uterine polyps.

What are cervical polyps?
Cervical polyps are small, elongated tumors that grow on the cervix. The cervix is the narrow canal at the bottom of the uterus that extends into the vagina. The cervix connects the uterine cavity and the upper portion of the vagina. It acts as the passageway for sperm to fertilize an egg, which could result in pregnancy. During labor, the cervix becomes thinner and wider. This allows the baby to pass through the birth canal.

Polyps are fragile structures that grow from stalks rooted on the surface of the cervix or inside of the cervical canal. If someone has polyps, usually only one polyp is present, and two or three at most.

Cervical polyps are usually benign, or not cancerous, and cervical cancer rarely arises from them. Most cervical cancers are due to the human papilloma virus (HPV), which is also the cause of genital warts.

Symptoms of cervical polyps
Polyps on the cervix may not cause any noticeable symptoms. However, see your gynaecologist right away if you experience vaginal discharge of white or yellow mucus, or abnormally heavy periods.

You should also call your doctor if you experience vaginal spotting or bleeding:
after sexual intercourse
between periods
after douching
after menopause

Some of these symptoms can also be signs of cancer. In rare cases, polyps represent an early phase of cervical cancer. Removing them helps reduce this risk.


Why polyps occur?
It isn’t fully understood why cervical polyps occur. Their formation may be linked to:
increased levels of estrogen, which is the female sex hormone
chronic inflammation of the cervix, vagina, or uterus
clogged blood vessels
High estrogen levels

Estrogen levels naturally fluctuate throughout a woman’s life. Your estrogen levels will be highest during childbearing years, during any pregnancies, and in the months leading up to menopause.

Man-made chemicals that mimic estrogen are present in the environment. For example, xenoestrogens are in commercially produced meats and dairy products. Chemical estrogens can also be released into food that’s heated.

So there you have it bloody fucking Estrogen again..... WTF....... god I'm sick of these dammed hormones.

On a plus note I've decided after chatting with the nurse today and with the Polyp in mind that probably the best decision regarding ovaries is to have the bastards out, and whilst they are taking those out they can remove said polyp. 

Ovaries v Zoladex

On Friday I had an appointment at the hospital in a new department the Gynaecology dept. it was my first consultation on the possible removal of my ovaries and apparently tubes. I've been on Zoladex which is a 3 monthly injection with the largest needle possible of an implant through the stomach to shut down my ovaries, this works very well and apart from the very unpleasant brace yourself injection, nothing else bothered me (or so I thought), every time I go for the injection I become anxious and experience a panic attack, so afterwards I feel extremely fraught and fragile.

The consultant I saw was a very pleasant man although have too say why are gynaecologist's always men? I would of rather of seen a female. Back to the story..... he explained to me that Zoladex shuts my ovaries down and that taking my ovaries and tubes out would basically remove the need for this unpleasant injection, also he mentioned that some women experience very depressed feelings and this explains that whilst I am on anti-depressants for the hot flushes I still experience extremely depressed moods and thought I was going crackers but clearly I'm not! I realise it's the Zoladex. We discussed the possible repercussions of having both ovaries out to which he seemed to think I would feel no different than what I do presently as the Zoladex had officially closed my ovaries down. So I am now waiting for another appointment in 3 months time, in the meantime I need to decide if I definitely want to have the operation, get a smear test yuk, and a Braca's gene test, I don't think I've had this test done so far and apparently if confirmed positive would increase the possibility of developing a womb cancer and of course increasing the possibility of breast cancer returning.

So what to do....... I thought I was sure about this but now feel a bit weirded out by it, will keep you all informed of my decision in the meantime if anybody reading this can advise I would be most appreciative, just leave a comment thanks xxxx