2016 TFFT

UPDATE Dec 2015: Finally got in to the Nurse to have the Zoladex shot this went well and as I was in there I asked her to look up and see if my Thyroid results came back, yes they were back but nothing was abnormal cholesterol was on the high side but the Thyroid has gone back to being normal, so where does this leave me, it leaves me feeling stuck and desperate. I spoke with the lovely nurse who gave me the Zoladex and told me about the Thyroid she told me that she found it near impossible to loose weight going through the menopause and she told me that the weight I am carrying is indicative of menopause as its mainly all round my tummy like a tyre. I asked her how she managed to loose weight she told me and I quote "the only way I lost weight going through menopause was by fasting at least 2 days a week" she went on to say "I tried everything, extreme exercise, strict diets everything was tried and I didn't loose a pound!" she advised me to forget about loosing weight as it wouldn't shift until I'd been through the menopause completely something none of us know when we will be through, as for me personally Im in chemical menopause and will go through the menopause naturally again..... when I would of gone through it at a later date until then I have to suffer this dammed affliction and all its barbaric side effects. As you can imagine I'm not exactly on top of the world and am back to square one with the view that the only way to loose weight is to fast!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

And it was just that a Happy New Year spent on top of Glastonbury Tor with my best friend and partner. The view was spectacular you can see for 25 miles all around from the top of the Tor, the weather was clear and cold, the moon was out and the stars, people let off fireworks all around us at the stroke of midnight it looked magical, a beautiful spectacular night, all three of us thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Can't believe I managed to get up there a lot of huffing and puffing and sitting down about 25 mins in all but I did it I managed to get up the Tor, something I've always wanted to do on new year.

2014 here we come....

Really looking forward to 2014 got a lot that IS going to happen. My partner Lee is going away to do a training course in Rigging he hopes this will set him up for a brand new career, I'm pleased he is moving forward and is not as bothered as he once was about leaving me at home alone. Lee is 13 years younger than myself and as a young man needs to feed his life he is still very young at 33 and deserves a positive break. The course is in Feb so I will be home alone for 3 weeks whilst he is there, when he does qualify it will mean he will be going away to work on a regular basis for 3 weeks stint but then he will also get 3 weeks off, the pay is excellent for this type of work so it means that when he is at home we can go off on holiday and really start enjoying life, we've been through so much together we both deserve something good to happen.

Once Lee has qualified and has done one 3 week stint the pay is so good we will be able to afford to move house which would be amazing! We love where we live but its tainted with whats happened here, yes its by the sea on the south coast of devon, yes its a beautiful area BUT and its a big one its got its down side like we've been here for 9 years we hardly know anyone not for want of trying but because people in these back waters tend to stick together and don't let anyone else in this is exasperated when you get dx with advanced breast cancer people tend to avoid me like the plague! The flat is in a great location but it has no central heating (only an open fire) very old 1950's night storage heaters that don't work properly and cost a fortune also no other services. We are surrounded by trees in quite a large wood sometimes this can get me down as its so dark and I can go for weeks without seeing anyone other than my cats. Solitude is good for the soul but too much of anything is not a good thing.

We are looking to move back up to Somerset and in particular looking at Glastonbury and the surrounding villages, my family don't live that far from this area and I have a lot more friends up there for support its a no brainer really. When we left Somerset 9 years ago it was for a fresh start and too be nearer the coastline and countryside I realise now that I miss the countryside and landscape of Somerset and have an idea about setting up studio/shop in Glastonbury this would really be like a dream come true. So moving is definitely on the cards, as is a new life and lifestyle. I instinctively feel this is a very positive move.

I hope and pray that 2014 will be a much better year and that for once all of my dreams come true. (I believe if you write it down it somehow makes it official and is more likely to come true) Here's my wish list and what I am cosmically ordering for 2014:

1. to continue to get well and healthy and to heal myself of breast cancer

2. for Lee to have some success with his new chosen career path

3. to move house somewhere on the outskirts of Glastonbury to a small cottage with its own garden

4. to be a successful, happy artist (self supporting financially) with my own studio/shop in Glastonbury

5. to have a pet dog and as I'm not going to have children a small dog would be wonderful

6. to go on holiday to the Norwegian Fjords

Happy New Year everyone.
Love and light to you all
Sarah xxxx

Reiki the KLF and a blinding sunset!

To bring you all up to date I have been away for a few days visiting my parents and friends so have been neglecting my blog but I'm back and have a fair bit to write about.

Firstly, the dreaded appointment with the fabulous Dr D. (my breast surgeon), waited for what seemed like an eternity and in a very packed waiting room, when I did get to go in I had a very quick examination to which he seemed pleased, then off to have a mamo (this I was not expecting) but all went ok and it didn't hurt as much as the first one I had done, also the mamo nurse was very nice and chatted away to me showing me my previous mamo (the one that showed the cancerous lump) this was the first time I had seen the image and was a little anxious on seeing it but then after chatting realised that I have nothing to be anxious about the lump and breast has gone, and there is no cancer anywhere else, my good breast mamo showed nothing sinister but I have too wait for the official results in a couple of weeks time, but I'm not particularly worried and feel it will be ok. Whilst chatting to the nurse she mentioned that Dr D. was exceptionally busy at the moment and had too see 36 women that day!!!! 36 women!!! thats quite shocking, what the hell is going on? I am at a loss for words, I believe that something is terribly wrong that just seems like such a lot of women affected by this awful disease. Due to his work load Dr D. mentioned that he wants me to book an appointment when he's not so busy so that we can discuss the possibility of reconstruction surgery I will keep you posted on that one.

Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that I am a spiritual being and have tried a number of complementary treatments including spiritual healing, so my main purpose for visiting my parents was to also go and receive Reiki treatment from a wonderful lady by the name of Jan here's a link to her website http://www.jmreiki.co.uk/ where it explains in detail what Reiki is all about. My session was very similar to the other spiritual healers I have visited except Jan was also able to give me information on the spirits that are either guides or are around me with messages of hope and advice. I have a spirit Dr around me who wears a monocle eye piece, she was not sure whether he was a deceased relative or whether he had attached himself to me, personally I feel he is attached to me via our flat which is a very old listed building and used to be part of a huge estate (similar to that of Downton Abbey). He has been administering 'old medicine' to me and has taken me on as a patient, I am very very glad he is around me and feel honoured and lucky to be receiving his help. Whilst giving me healing Jan told me that I had 'spiritual surgery' during our session in which the surgeon removed some more of my lymph nodes, again this does not frighten or upset me in fact to the contrary I am ever so grateful that they have performed this operation on me especially as they believed it would help. She also indicated that in a past life I was a herbalist/healer which explains why I am so drawn to the old country medicines and  remedies, she also told me that it was not my time to go yet and that I had a lot more work to do on the planet. This news has given me such a boost.

I spent the day with my mum and dad and the following day visiting a very close friend all of which has helped pull me out of the misery and depression I was feeling in my last post, I am glad to report I am back to my old self and feel a burst of creative energy fizzling up inside me and I'm looking forward to getting things going on the project front. My brilliant friend gave me a load of music CD's one of which was by the KLF its taken me back to my youth and given me a warm fuzzy feeling of comfort inside, thanks and love to P.

Here's a list of all the things I want to try and achieve over the coming winter months:
1. Start writing a book based on this blog and Breast Cancer
2. Get on with some needle felting/sculpting
3. Paint and enter an open art competition (thats coming up this month)
4. Finish my collection of Gypsy designs
5. Re-decorate the lounge

Driving home tonight we stopped in at Glastonbury and filled up our water bottles with the mineral rich healing waters of the Chalice Well, the sunset by the Tor was absolutely breath taking.
Love and light xxxx

Chalice Well Event

I've mentioned in the past my love of Somerset in particular Glastonbury I have been reliably informed that on bank holiday monday the Chalice Well, in Glastonbury will be holding a day of healing and as I've just run out of Red Spring water I think a visit is in order here's the link http://www.chalicewell.org.uk/index.cfm/glastonbury/Events.Details/event_id/159
Hope you all have lovely bank holiday.xx

The Early bird and spiritual enlightenment

Sat at my comupter at 7.30am on a sunday morning (thankyou tamoxifen for the hot flush that woke me up!) listening to a Song Thrush singing its heart out, what a fabulous way to start the day, the sounds are so beautiful I have often listened to this bird song and feel uplifted, inspired and have always found comfort in the knowledge that most are still sleeping, I always used to start painting at this time of day and sometimes through the night, they say we are closer to god at these times the twilight is a special time of day for me.

Couple of days ago after receiving radiotherapy we decided to drive up onto the Moors on our way back down we stopped off at Buckfast Abbey where an order of Benedictine Monks reside it has the usual gift shops and restaurant but this time we also went into the Abbey, the place was so amazing the stained glass windows (all made by the monks) were totally awe inspiring, whilst walking around I was overcome with very strong emotion (this is not the first time in a place of worship) I was sort of happy but moved to tears and was battling hard to contain them, I lit a candle and said a prayer with tears running down my face, this I could not understand I am not particularly religious certainly not Roman Catholic BUT I could feel something there, when I got home I tried to make sense of this but just could not work it out, was it self pity No, was it fear No, what was this?? I approached a fellow breast cancer sufferer who just happens to be a Vicar and asked why? She pointed out that back in the Celtic Pagan religion some of which has been adopted by the christian faith that the pagans had places called 'Thin Places' (google this if you are interested) called thin because they believed that you were closer to god in such places and that the veil between life and the afterlife was thinner in certain places, it was suggested to me that perhaps I might be a sensitive (definite trait of mine being an artist) and therefore going into these places of worship I could of stumbled upon a so called 'Thin Place' I instinctively knew this too be correct and when I thought about it other religious places like Glastonbury and the Tor also the river Dart have moved me to tears again the same sort of feelings accompanied this experience, and so the penny dropped and I managed to understand these complicated and sometimes frustrating emotions.

Whilst at the Abbey a strange coincidence occurred I have always wanted to go to Lourdes in France even before I got breast cancer this was a yearning of mine, on a notice board at the Abbey an advert for a pilgrimage to Lourdes in June this year it costs quite a lot £700 pounds but includes flight and accommodation, needless to say I've taken the email address and phone number, hopefully this will come true and I will go to Lourdes, who knows I could be healed by the special waters there.

Love and light xxx