The month where if anybody says the P word to me I'll scream

Yes its that time of year again the air is cooler (thank god my hot flushes are off the scale!), the nights are drawing in, the leaves are falling all of these things I love but what I don't like is the bloody way people now call October Pinktober or words to that effect.... it makes my blood boil! Good natured well meaning people are duped into buying a product because it has the breast cancer logo splashed all over it and coloured it pink, what these good people don't realise is only a tiny amount of the money taken for the product actually goes to the breast cancer charity, hardly anything at all, certainly not enough to make a massive difference it just means that every October these companies get extra exposure under the cover of charity. Its a massive marketing campaign and yet again is clouded by money.

Back to the reality of living with secondary breast cancer, last week I had my flu jab (as I am immune compromised) which made me feel terrible I spent the whole week in bed, feeling very sick, achey (more than the usual) and plagued by migraines......the bain of my life. Today I awoke to the sinking feeling where I feel sick to the pit of my stomach and then the head throbs back on the sumatriptan and knock out drops....... just woke up and the whole flipping day has gone again.

Saw my GP last week and am to have another blood test for the thyroid so onwards and upwards, will keep you all informed if it does work out to be the thyroid gland.

Still feeling hot hot hot! but my lovely GP has upped the anti-depressants to 20mg a day so that should start taking effect shortly on the flushes that are the second bain of my life.

Best get on with whatever I have left of today.

The things people say......urghhhhhhh

So first to update you all I'm going back to see GP and getting re-tested for the thyroid again, I've already been tested twice the first time there was a problem with my thyroid and the second time 3 months later I tested normal. I have been experiencing extreme fatigue as well as a horse sounding voice, constant weight gain again!!!!, blurred vision etc etc etc bottom line its my bloody thyroid I know it is I'm 100% positive it is the thyroid playing up maybe its out of balance but it needs looking into further as the debilitating fatigue (I kid you not I couldn't even get out of bed) has to be addressed. The earliest appointment I could get is next week so I will keep you posted of the outcome.

Getting back to the latest gripe and the title of this post.....the things people say! Yes again other people being totally out of order the latest being a mate who has said a lot of nice things to me for example on the subject of my 5 stone weight gain and looking different told me that "I don't care what you look like as long as your here" and "we love you regardless" in the next breath whilst discussing the world population explosion and associated problems decided to announce that if she had been diagnosed with cancer she wouldn't have chemo, surgery or radiotherapy all this does is keep those of us affected by cancer alive and kicking and we are costing the country millions keeping us alive!!!!! FUCKING WOW! what a thing to say to someone you know has secondary breast cancer and after all the wonderful things she has said, it begs belief doesn't it? I was flabbergasted to say the least, I decided to respond with you "you don't know how strong the survival instinct is until your in the dammed situation" I mean its easy to say I wouldn't do chemo but faced with life or death situation your natural instinct is to survive you go into it looking into every possible option and I do hate this word but you fucking fight. Its the same for any living thing on this planet faced with impeding death you fight. No matter how small or how large the creature your instinct is to survive and fight whether that involves taking chemo or having surgery and radiotherapy your trying to survive and live. I defy anyone to say otherwise. My cat brings home small rodents sometimes they are still alive, they fight to the bitter end, they don't give up there instinct is to live. Phew....... end of rant sorry but that really really pissed me off for so many reasons.

Thyroid.......that old chestnut!

Can't believe I'm back in this spot again...... the dammed thyroid conversation......... Last year it was suggested to me that my thyroid might be playing up so I went for the test with my GP, this first test did show a problem with my thyroid being very sluggish but the protocol for these tests is you have one test and re-test 3 months later, so this we did and the second test turned out normal. Due to this my GP told me they wouldn't be putting me on thyroid medication as the tests weren't consistent. At this point I dropped it and tried to move on although I still suffered with symptoms associated with an under active thyroid.

Fast forward to last week, I'd been experiencing bad fatigue and when I say bad I mean it! Everyday waking up late and exhausted, some days not being able to climb out of bed or just about drag myself to the sofa where I slept for hours during the day!!! Obviously this was becoming a problem so I phoned my breast cancer nurse and told her about it, I even suggested maybe it was the Herceptin, she didn't agree that it was Herceptin but told me it was a sign of under active thyroid....... here we go again!!!! and as I'm still putting on weight she reckons its a sign of an out of balance thyroid and told me to go back to my GP. So there it is, what to do? going back to my GP and being re-tested, I'm currently not feeling fatigued this week but think when I am fatigued they should conduct the test, I think its up and down with the thyroid which is why we can't seem to get to the bottom of it. Prior to all this cancer shit I didn't have anything wrong with any of my bodily functions including my thyroid.

So want this to get sorted out its starting to really get on my nerves.

Update on Tricky times

I'll get straight into it, my dad hasn't got lung cancer, thank fuck for that eh! The CT scan he had didn't show anything sinister so all is good there. His stroke recovery is very very slow and he still has good and very bad days but he is making some improvement on the mobility front which is good. I spoke with him on the phone and he sounded a bit confused he was like this in hospital so hopefully its just a blip and he will resume normal conversation soon. My mum has also had scans as she has one leg bigger than the other so waiting for results of that although she isn't in any pain its just cosmetic at the moment.

Im doing ok, still getting migraines and strange swellings but other than that alright. Still very upset about supposed friendship but gradually getting over that and happy to just stay incognito at the moment, don't want to discuss anything with her or him am happily getting on with my life, moving on and enjoying the ride.