Back to Life and the hospital

Last week was horrific!

It started last Tuesday with a visit to my GP for what I thought was a bladder infection, due to my history she couldn't rule out possible cancer spread so suggested I go to A&E and have an MRI scan done that day! Of course this scared the shit out of me but I went along with it. 4 hours waiting in A&E having blood and urine tests and still none the wiser then a chap shows up with a wheel chair and promptly takes me off to a ward where he informs me I am to spend the night! Around 6 in the evening 2 chaps show up and wheel me in my bed off to have the MRI scan, I was in the blasted thing for 40mins with all that noise so came out of it with a massive migraine, I went back to the ward and spent a extremely nervous night there, terrible night not being able to sleep, noisy, people throwing up, people constipated and straining to go next to me, utter nightmare.

At around 2.30 my Oncologist and team came round and we went through everything, apparently the urine test were negative and the MRI didn't show any new lesions phew.......... however, now they want to do a CT scan on my brain, so off I go again in my bed being wheeled by 2 chaps to the CT scanner, scan complete they dragged me back to the ward where I sat nervously waiting for results.

Results through and no I haven't got breast cancer on my brain, the only plus out of all of this is that the scans were done in 24hours and I got the results almost immediately, normally I have to wait 6 weeks for results!

It was still a harrowing experience and one I would not wish on my worst enemy the waiting game, the needles, no veins all the usual fears wrapped into one huge shit sandwich.

Whilst I was cancer free the scans did pick up problems with my back and neck that will need attention and are a result of being on Herceptin and the other drugs affecting my bone density. Back aches, neck spasms are now part of the new norm for me.

Life with cancer is resumed and jolts me back to the reality of what I am living with.

Wish it would just fuck off.

The Great British Bake Off (Stand Up 2 Cancer)

Okay, heres the thing what the fuck are they doing promoting cake making in raising funds for cancer research. Apparently obesity causes cancer (or so they say) it begs belief that if they believe the media hype then why oh why would you make cakes to help fight it. Its ridiculous, don't get me wrong the celebrities that are doing this are trying to help and I applaud them in doing so, but there has to be a better way than baking flipping cakes!

Personally I do not believe obesity causes cancer, I was a slim size 8 had been my whole life when I was dx its only since I got dx that I put on weight and ironically put on most of the weight whilst living a super healthy lifestyle, no meat or diary just green juicing everyday. Obesity does not cause cancer, we still do not know what causes cancer and until we do we wont find a cure. Making those with cancer feel guilty that they in some way have contributed to them getting cancer is just plain evil.

CT Scaniety.....

Yep its that time of year again....no not just xmas....but yep you guessed it scan time!
It seems to come round so quickly and its my pet dread, not the actually scan its the hunt a vein game, my veins are shot from all the chemo so each time they need to put a cannula in me its a nightmare. I have to arrive 45mins before my appointment because it can take that long for them to get it in, then sometimes they try so many times they can't try anymore and I have to have the scan without contrast dye, the dye is very important it helps give them the best possible picture of my insides. However, this time although I was in dread, the lovely lady that dealt with me managed to get a little known vein in the crease of my arm which apparently pops up when you slightly bend and twist the arm. Apparently she discovered this vein when she was injecting heroin addicts and ever since has been using it on those of us affected with bad veins including chemo patients. I was eternally grateful to her for finding the vein and causing no pain, but not with being grouped in with the heroin addicts! lol.

Its done.....and over with for the next 6 months, now its playing the other part of the game the waiting bit. Results should be in by my next Onc. appointment which is scheduled for the 8th of December.

Getting the balance back

Its been a while since I last posted and I am happy to report, all is ok on the cancer front and I am adjusting to life without the ovaries. Hot flushes are still an unfortunate part of my life and I do hate them BUT winter is coming and the weather is cooler so life becomes less hot and bothered.

Last week I had a appointment with my new oncologist Dr G. is amazing I really get on with her and 

its been a long time since I actually spoke with a full fledged Onc. as my previous Onc. sadly died of liver cancer however, I always seemed to be dealt with by registrars. I've complained a lot of times about feeling out of balance, my size 32 chest has grown to a size 42 on the remaining breast and its a pain, not only is it massive and heavy its exasperated by the fact I can't wear a bra, I've tried every bra known to mankind and none of them are supportive and pain free. My problem is I had a lot of lymph nodes out and due to the fact that I was skinny (size 8 back then) the nodes were in with all the muscle which my surgeon had to dissect, it took him ages and he had to cut through muscle, my armpit area and my torso on the right hand side are badly scarred and so whenever I wear a bra no matter what type it digs into my scar tissue and ends up feeling very painful, so much so that I have to take the bra off after only half an hour! So this leaves me not wearing a bra most of the time and feeling very out of balance, Dr G. could see how out of balance I was carrying myself and suggested that she would refer me to a breast surgeon who could perform a mastectomy of the left hand side breast as a life enhancing operation. Fantastic! So I am now waiting for an appointment to see a breast surgeon and whilst they have a policy of not operating on a healthy breast they might when they realise how out of balance I carry myself and the ramifications of this on my body and life. Considering they perform breast enlargement on the NHS I think this isn't a big ask, considering what I've got and what I've been through. Dr G did explain that it wouldn't be this year as its not an emergency which is fine by me, I'd rather have it next year anyway. So fingers crossed this will happen and I will be rid of the massive boob that blights my life.