Reconstruction surgery questions and answers....

Sorry its been a while since I posted but I have been for one of my scans and appointments, cutting to the chase my appointment with breast surgeon, he was offering me a reconstruction but I wanted to ask some questions here are my questions and his answers (you never know this might help you if you are in a similar position).

1. "If I have a reconstruction will it trigger anymore tumours?" ( I figured that messing with the mastectomy site might not be a good idea and that it could have the extremely detrimental effect of causing the cancer to return) Dr. D's  reply " I can't say yes or no to that but in my extensive experience of breast surgery and the fact that this is what I do all day every day and its what I would like to perform for any breast cancer patient I would advise you that there is a possibility that opening you up and giving you a recon could cause the cancer to return!"

2. "If I do have a recon with an implant would the implant obscure the view for any further scans I might have to have in the future" Dr. D's reply "yes, it could obscure and hide the back of the chest wall to CT and other scans".

Dr D. then went on to say "These questions are well thought out valid questions, and as you have not come in here demanding a recon, I would advise you not to go ahead with these operations and feel this would be in your best interests".

So as you can gather I wont be having a reconstruction based on the answers he gave me and my own intuition on the subject, also as I have secondaries on my lungs I might need further emergency operations in the future (heaven forbid this happens to me but lets get real), my poor little body has been through enough, so I am going to save up my surgery options incase it is needed in the future.

On another matter he did mention that he'd taken a quick look at my bone scans and told me all looked well on that front, although I wont get my official results back until my oncologist appointment in December after my CT scan which is next week. So I am back in the waiting room which is never a nice place to be in but ignorance is bliss they say so I am enjoying a brief respite from worry and stress.
Love and light to you all. xxx

The truth hurts....BUT its ok.....

Taken from a post on facebook, this resonates on so many levels.

Self-care: YOUR BEAUTIFUL SHADOW. This may seem heretical, but sometimes the "positive thinkers" kind of piss me off. There's something about telling someone with serious disease, illness, or life challenge, to "just think positive" that ignores the very rich, beautiful reality of the human truth, that sometimes life is messy, that sometimes we are messy, and — importantly — that there are some things beyond our control, that there are Unknowable processes that are beyond our cognizance (i.e., we cannot "control" disease).

Certainly this is no advocacy of wallowing, spite, self-blame, pity. The Truth in the positive-thought/new-thought spiritualities is that harbouring and feeding the harder emotions does dampen our vitality, if at very least by the stress-related hormonal and neurotransmitter cascades thus opened and the muscular tensions thus released: our bodies and brains are restricted and, thereby, our experience of peace.

But there's something to discover in being courageous enough to permit the so-called negative emotions: PERMITTING THEM DOES NOT MEAN FOSTERING. We instead allow them to arise and then pass (psychophysiologists have reportedly documented that any emotion, no matter how extreme, actually lasts at most 30 to 60 seconds).

Be brave enough to let the physical experience of the emotion move through you, and AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, be mature and self-loving enough to feel that 30-second experience WITHOUT hurling it (i.e., "dumping sh*t) on other people (for we know we hurt ourselves when we hurt others).

BUT DEAR ONES, GET REAL: WE ARE DEALING WITH CANCER. Of course sometimes you are going to be discouraged, angry and distrustful — with G-d, with well-intentioned people who say ignorant things, with even our bodies themselves at moments when we are wracked with pain.

•None of these emotions/thoughts detracts for one second from your beauty.• I would wish you to know this deeply. Root just enough in Your Grace that you can let the whole of life move through you. And yes, set an Intention on healing, on the uplifting emotions (in end, it's about what you are worth and the life that wants to move and express itself through you).

This is no less a heroine's mission (and yes, I mean "of the feminine", therefore expressly use the word "heroine") — to hold the mess and maelstrom of the human experience while yet connecting to the glorious still-point of something Divine.

You have it in you. Let it be and let it serve you today. Sending so very much love.

(Ellyn Kerr for You Can Thrive!)

Breast Cancer is set to increase exponentially.....

I'm not just imagining it then! It really is happening the beast is attacking more and more women, here's a link to a very interesting article on the subject.

Guardian.co.uk - If breast cancer is on the rise, we must find a way to pay for it

A fragile existence.....

Since I last posted I have been for my 3 monthly appointment with my oncologist, and as a result I am to have a bone scan and a CT scan, the bone scan is scheduled for next monday and will take up most of the afternoon, the last one was back at the beginning of my dx, so I have been feeling fairly anxious about it. The main reason for the bone scan is because I have been experiencing a weird pain on my rib cage underneath my good left side breast, this has been worrying me and I have tried to ignore it and then realised that ignoring things is what got me into this mess in the first place. As soon as you think things are returning to normal up it pops, so I expect to be a little fragile for the next few weeks or at least until I have the results, of course I will keep posting and keep my blog up to date, but please excuse me for not feeling on top of the world.