A new ache........

Hi all,

Its been a while since I posted I've been busy with art stuff all good and very exciting I am terribly happy about it BUT as per usual something is nagging me...... its an ache and its in my hip bone WTF is it! could just be natural deterioration of a unnaturally chemo aged body or is it a sign of something else? Only one way to find out and thats a visit to the doctors and a bone scan urghhhhhhhh.....FFS!!

Its not just an ache when I lie on that side in bed it hurts a dull deep ache, I know that on a couple of my CT scan reports there was some discussion "There is a well defined area of sclerosis in the right SI joint" and in the most up to date report that I have a copy of it detailed again as "Sclerosis adjacent to the right SI joint which is static. Ummmmm so it appears there is something in that area that is causing me pain some sort of degradation of tissue the pain is similar to the dammed tennis elbow which I am suffering in my right elbow but in the hip area so could be arthritic. Any way back to the Doc's with this one. Just when everything seems to be going right this turns up......its not going to dampen my exciting developments with my art works and the fact a major publishing house has offered me a contract. YAY..... happy dance..... ouch!!!!! better tone down the hip swinging on the right hand side lol.

Seriously though it is a bummer every ache and pain has the potential to be something sinister cancer related, certainly something to add a dose of terror into daily life, every time you wonder is this it? what is that? and WHY THE FUCK ME? every time........

People say " I could get knocked down by a bus or crash my car" trying to put a sort of semblance of normality into the situation, it doesn't matter how many ways you look at it and from what angle its still terrifying knowing you had cancer that it did spread and that it could always pop up its ugly little head whenever it feels like it for no apparent reason, its like having a noose wrapped round your neck all the time waiting for it to tighten, holding your breath, something I apparently do quite a lot in my sleep, holding my breath a sure sign of latent anxiety lurking in the background. Anyway not gonna let it get me down today got too much creativity in me now need to go paint and listen to A-ha and the drop dead gorgeous Morten Harket singing "Summer moved on"

An early Xmas Present.....

Hi everyone,
Last friday I went to the hospital for an appointment with my oncologist to receive the results of my bone scan and CT scan, the news is the bone scan came out clear and the CT is the same as the last one in other words I'm stable, this is fantastic news and I'm taking this as an cosmic early xmas present. Still doing herceptin once every 3 weeks by IV and taking Tamoxifen daily although I asked for a blood test to determine if I was still menopausal or too see what hormones I am still producing including estrogen, my onc seemed to think I was still producing estrogen which if I am would mean I should continue to take the dammed Tamoxifen if I am not then they can put me on a drug called Arimidex click on this link if you want to find out more about it http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertreatment/Treatmenttypes/Hormonaltherapies/Individualhormonaltherapies/Anastrozole.aspx it's supposed to be only for post menopausal women and like all these drugs comes with its own concoction of side effects BUT it appears that Arimidex does not cause weight gain which Tamoxifen unfortunately does and I had this fact confirmed by my onc who told me that the Tami definately does cause weight gain, uh yeah too flippin right try 2 bloody stone in weight first time ever in my life I've put on this much weight and I don't feel good on it, I've had a couple of falls and really bruised myself mainly due to taking clonidine which is now stopped but also I believe to rapid weight gain and not being used to the new me. I am wishing that I am post menopausal so that they can take me off the Tami and put me on the Arimidex. I did feel kind of uncomfortable chatting to my oncs registrar about this as she looks about a size 18 and didn't feel like discussing weighty issues with someone who obviously has had too live with weight problems. The upshot is that I have had a blood test and am now waiting for the results so will keep you all posted.
Love and light to all xxxxxx

A fragile existence.....

Since I last posted I have been for my 3 monthly appointment with my oncologist, and as a result I am to have a bone scan and a CT scan, the bone scan is scheduled for next monday and will take up most of the afternoon, the last one was back at the beginning of my dx, so I have been feeling fairly anxious about it. The main reason for the bone scan is because I have been experiencing a weird pain on my rib cage underneath my good left side breast, this has been worrying me and I have tried to ignore it and then realised that ignoring things is what got me into this mess in the first place. As soon as you think things are returning to normal up it pops, so I expect to be a little fragile for the next few weeks or at least until I have the results, of course I will keep posting and keep my blog up to date, but please excuse me for not feeling on top of the world.