Health update and two deaths RIP Abbey and Hedley

Hello all, thought I'd better provide an update on the current state of things. Eventually........ the hospital got back to me and told me I was stable (which is kind of worrying as I thought I was clear!!!) they still don't know why I was sent a letter asking me to come for yet another CT scan!!!!! I cannot be arse d to chase this up, is that wrong of me?? maybe but I'm at the stage of cannot be bothered. Stable is still good so I'm not gonna rock the boat.

Another lovely lady called Abbey B. passed away from this disease I fucking hate this shitty vile disease. RIP and fly with the angels.xxxxx

Also my best friends partner aged 62 (she's a lot younger than him and has 2 kids by him) collapsed and died unexpectedly a fortnight ago to say we are all in shock is an understatement. He was at home with his son when he collapsed with breathing problems and by the time the ambulance had arrived he was gone. His son who is 21 gave CPR but to no avail. My best friend is in a state of complete shock we have now had the funeral but it all still feels very very raw and sort of surreal. Who'd of thought it? and this has made my resolve to live for the moment ever more important. I am trying to help her as much as I can by taking cooked food around and generally being there to support her, its so very hard all I want to do is make this better which obviously is impossible as no one can bring him back. I have told her that we love her and will do anything to help her thats all I can do. Its a desperate situation what else can I say....... RIP Hedley I feel for your family at this sad time you were there world. xx

My cancer buddie....

I am so so sad, at 1.30 today my dear friend and fellow cancer patient Sarah passed away I've just found out and feel devastated. I had never met her but we had a lot in common. When I was first dx she came to my aid and offered a virtual shoulder to cry on when I was going through the worst of it, she inspired me as another creative (she was an art teacher) I could relate to her on many levels. Every time I pick up my paint brush, or attempt to knit I shall remember my dear dear friend. RIP Sarah G. (aka cromercrab on BCC forum) we shall all miss you I thank the lord she's no longer suffering and pray her transition into the next life was peaceful and calm.  When anyone dies from the SBC group I find it so hard to carry on it takes all my strength to pick myself up and carry on fighting such a blow really does take your breath away. So many have now passed away since I was dx, this is just terrible news. God rest you Sarah G. you were an amazing woman and you shall be missed love to all xxx

Another light on in heaven....

This is the fourth woman whom I was following and had a few online conversations with who I've just found out passed away last Monday. I hate this fucking disease, it just keeps getting harder and harder. First it was Ellie, then Lisa, closely followed by Laurie and now Fran all were way too young to die, all of them tried everything they could and unfortunately all have now passed away. I kept checking Frans blog site http://francescap79.tumblr.com/page/2 and couldn't help but think the worst when she hadn't posted for such a long time. Me and Fran shared the same in that we both had lung mets, this has really knocked me for six, such terrible news RIP Fran, god bless you.

Light a candle, say a prayer...

It is with a heavy heart like a ton weight bearing down on me that I bring you the sad sad news about BCC forum poster Karen aka SCACO (staycalmandcarryon) who has passed away. I don't know the full details all I could find was comments on an 'in memory' thread on the forum, it would appear that she had developed secondaries, apparently whilst on holiday and was taken from us very very quickly. SCACO was a great friend to me when I was first dx she was always so positive and upbeat, she was a clever lady with a great sense of humour. Taken way too soon (I think she was late 30's). It seems that it was a very quick exit and I hope she did not suffer in pain for long.

SCACO is now the tenth woman I have become friends with over the past 18 months that has passed away from breast cancer. I hate this fucking disease its so warped and twisted there is no rhyme or reason to it. I pray every day that they find the cause for this absolute nightmare of a disease, at least then we might have a cure.

"God, it's so hard to stay positive when all around you is the utter chaos of cancer and its associated outcomes, please give me strength and courage to carry on and in the process to support and help others. Amen".