Yep, its that time again, just had a CT scan this time with contrast. Over the past year they couldn't get a cannula into my veins so I couldn't have the scan with contrast which provides a better all round picture, this time however I went to oncology where the experienced chemo nurses were able to get a cannula in and I had the CT with contrast. This has thrown me into a an anxious, worried person whose not feeling up to much at the moment, praying the results are all good or at the very least stable and so this joyless, shitty ride continues...........
I've said it before and I'll say it again FUCKING CANCER.....
In other news, my father has had yet another stroke this time affecting his lefthand side almost a year to the day of the last one. Feel so much for the poor old fella, he's hanging on in there by the skin of his teeth, he can't swallow so is now on a peg for nutrition, water and medication, his memory is shaky sometimes he's with us and sometimes he's most definitely not, so upsetting. He's been in hospital for a month now and isn't likely to come out anytime soon, so I've been staying at my folks house supporting my brother and mum although I'm home at the moment because I need my own bed once in a while and of course I had hospital appointments. I am being kept up to date of his progress and will be going up again soon to stay and visit.
Spring has arrived and is utterly gorgeous as per usual, feel so grateful to still be around appreciating natures awesome beauty although it is somewhat tainted with the current state of affairs.
Showing posts with label spring. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spring. Show all posts
Wednesday, 12 April 2017
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
The return of the SUN IMBOLC
It appears I can't get enough of posting today lol. Anyway, its sunny outside, windy and a bit cold with a bit of sleet/rain every now and then, but finally we are turning the wheel of winter as its Imbolc on the pagan calendar here's some info.
Imbolc, (Feb 1st and 2nd) in the Celtic seasonal calendar marked the beginning of the lambing season and signaled the beginning of Spring and the stirrings of new life. It is Feile Brighde, the 'quickening of the year'. The original word Imbolg means 'in the belly', and therein you have the underlying energy. All is pregnant and expectant - and only just visible if at all, like the gentle curve of a 'just-showing' pregnancy. It is the promise of renewal, of hidden potential, of earth awakening and life-force stirring. Here is hope. We welcome the growth of the returning light and witness Life's insatiable appetite for rebirth.
It is time to let go of the past and to look to the future, clearing out the old, making both outer and inner space for new beginnings. This can be done in numerous ways, from spring cleaning your home to clearing the mind and heart to allow inspiration to enter for the new cycle. ('Spring cleaning was originally a nature ritual' - Doreen Valiente). it's a good time for wish-making or making a dedication.
Imbolc is traditionally the great festival and honouring of Brigid (Brighid, Bride, Brigit), so loved as a pagan Goddess that her worship was woven into the Christian church as St Bridget. She is a Goddess of healing, poetry and smithcraft. She is a Goddess of Fire, of the Sun and of the Hearth. She brings fertility to the land and its people and is closely connected to midwives and new-born babies. She is the Triple Goddess, but at Imbolc she is in her Maiden aspect.
It is the day that we celebrate the passing of Winter and make way for Spring
Look for the signs of spring, Snowdrops are a sure sign its on its way.
Imbolc, (Feb 1st and 2nd) in the Celtic seasonal calendar marked the beginning of the lambing season and signaled the beginning of Spring and the stirrings of new life. It is Feile Brighde, the 'quickening of the year'. The original word Imbolg means 'in the belly', and therein you have the underlying energy. All is pregnant and expectant - and only just visible if at all, like the gentle curve of a 'just-showing' pregnancy. It is the promise of renewal, of hidden potential, of earth awakening and life-force stirring. Here is hope. We welcome the growth of the returning light and witness Life's insatiable appetite for rebirth.
It is time to let go of the past and to look to the future, clearing out the old, making both outer and inner space for new beginnings. This can be done in numerous ways, from spring cleaning your home to clearing the mind and heart to allow inspiration to enter for the new cycle. ('Spring cleaning was originally a nature ritual' - Doreen Valiente). it's a good time for wish-making or making a dedication.
Imbolc is traditionally the great festival and honouring of Brigid (Brighid, Bride, Brigit), so loved as a pagan Goddess that her worship was woven into the Christian church as St Bridget. She is a Goddess of healing, poetry and smithcraft. She is a Goddess of Fire, of the Sun and of the Hearth. She brings fertility to the land and its people and is closely connected to midwives and new-born babies. She is the Triple Goddess, but at Imbolc she is in her Maiden aspect.
The sun has returned to us this has lifted my spirits, I am grateful for every moment, every season, always and forever.
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Signs and the Peony flower
Its been a week since I learned the fantastic news about being NED (see post below) and its finally sunk in I feel like I'm in a weird kind of limbo land getting rid or the lung mets has been my driving force for nearly 3 years and its not like I'm stopping any treatment any time soon still on Herceptin forever and Tamoxifen for at least 5 years (2 and half years so far) so you see whilst the mets have gone I'm still living with the effects of cancer and its drugs so its not like I can be totally free of it and of course there's that Liver thing, still no word from the Onc on that one but will keep you updated as soon as I hear from them.
Its been beautiful weather this week all the flowers are out which is very unusual for this time of year normally we only see the delicate and beautiful Snowdrop this year the woods are carpeted in them its like the Snowdrop's are in direct competition with the Bluebells that normally cover the woodland floor. As well as the Snowdrop's we have loads of Daff's, Primroses, Crocus's and Violets I love seeing the flowers but worry that its all too soon and its still warm the amount of ground frost we've had this year you can count on one hand.
Getting back to my constant battle with the drugs. Before I was dx I never took any form of tablet so since all this has happened I feel like I'm a right pill popper lol. Its Tamoxifen again and the terrible hot flushes I say the hot flushes but its all of the side effects from this dam drug that really pull me down. I was considering taking a drug break from it or even stopping taking it altogether, until I learned the news of being NED this has now changed everything, I can't stop taking the drug it could be the one thing or the combo of Herceptin and Tamoxifen that is keeping me cancer free so as much as I hate it and all thats its doing to my poor body I've got to try and cultivate a better attitude to it.
I'm trying to address all the side effects and deal with them all so that I can get on with taking it for the remaining 2 and a half years. To start with I'm dealing with the weight gain going from a size 8-18 in the space of 2 and a half years is no joke. I was shopping in a charity shop the other day and a lady working in there decided to take it upon herself to show me where the size 18+ clothes rail was needless to say this upset me for the rest of the day. So no more carbs that includes white potatoes, any kind of rice, or pasta and bread its all going out. Initially I was good with the carbs but its slowly crept back into the diet so a total veto of all these things should help the weight loss. I'm also walking for at least an hour and a half each day and feel better for it. I stopped going to Yoga because I was puffing and panting and could not get up off the floor very easily and others members tended to stare at me like I'd arrived from another planet (little do they know I have its called planet c), now that I've started walking again I am going to try and aim for going back to Yoga and might practice it alone at home for a while.
The next side effect that needs desperate attention is the hot flushes these are extreme although for some ladies its not that bad. Mine are horrific, I instantly feel very nauseous then I visibly sweat and go beetroot in the face it wakes me up in the middle of night and generally makes me feel ill. Its got to stop. I thought it would get better as time wore on but its got worse. To date I've tried wearing a Ladycare Magnet which worked for around 6 months but then stopped working, also stopped drinking tea and coffee (only use decaf) this works but if on the odd occasion I do have a proper cup of tea or coffee the hot flushes are 100% worse almost immediately! Supplements I've taken include Sage, Vitamin E, Evening Primrose Oil all of them dont work for me. Onc. told me not to take Black Cohosh or Red Clover as these interfere with the effectiveness of the Tamxoifen. In the beginning I was offered anti-depressants but found after only taking one that I was a suicidal mess and stopped straight away also was offered Megace but a side effect is weight gain to which I popped the box directly in the bin. I was taking the drug Clonidine for my hot flushes and again this worked but had the added undesirable side effect of making me collapse I had so many falls I stopped taking it. Onc. told me he had run out of drugs for me to try to stop the hot flushes so I've given up asking him.
In view of all I've said in the previous chapter I have now finally found something that could work. Its not available in any shop except on line due to the law changing on herbs and herbal medicine my local health food shop cant sell it but I have managed to get some online and await its delivery with anticipation. Its Peony Tincture apparently according to my very knowledgeable health food shop owner its very effective for ladies where Sage has failed. Unlike Sage it works on the body's thermostat rather than hormonally which is a huge added plus. I also wanted to add that weirdly enough the day before I found out about Peony Tincture I was out looking for this plant and didn't really know why I came home with a bunch of Red Peony flowers and put them in a vase I've since learned that the Peony they use is Red so something prompted me to go out and buy these flowers and I believe this is a sign from spirit guiding to something that will help me. We need to listen to our instincts and act upon them especially if they keep coming into our focus. I cant wait for my tincture to arrive it cost £15 delivered which isn't too bad but I'm going to look into this further, if it works then I'm going to attempt to make my own, will keep you all posted on this one.
Love and light to you all xxxxx
Its been beautiful weather this week all the flowers are out which is very unusual for this time of year normally we only see the delicate and beautiful Snowdrop this year the woods are carpeted in them its like the Snowdrop's are in direct competition with the Bluebells that normally cover the woodland floor. As well as the Snowdrop's we have loads of Daff's, Primroses, Crocus's and Violets I love seeing the flowers but worry that its all too soon and its still warm the amount of ground frost we've had this year you can count on one hand.
Getting back to my constant battle with the drugs. Before I was dx I never took any form of tablet so since all this has happened I feel like I'm a right pill popper lol. Its Tamoxifen again and the terrible hot flushes I say the hot flushes but its all of the side effects from this dam drug that really pull me down. I was considering taking a drug break from it or even stopping taking it altogether, until I learned the news of being NED this has now changed everything, I can't stop taking the drug it could be the one thing or the combo of Herceptin and Tamoxifen that is keeping me cancer free so as much as I hate it and all thats its doing to my poor body I've got to try and cultivate a better attitude to it.
I'm trying to address all the side effects and deal with them all so that I can get on with taking it for the remaining 2 and a half years. To start with I'm dealing with the weight gain going from a size 8-18 in the space of 2 and a half years is no joke. I was shopping in a charity shop the other day and a lady working in there decided to take it upon herself to show me where the size 18+ clothes rail was needless to say this upset me for the rest of the day. So no more carbs that includes white potatoes, any kind of rice, or pasta and bread its all going out. Initially I was good with the carbs but its slowly crept back into the diet so a total veto of all these things should help the weight loss. I'm also walking for at least an hour and a half each day and feel better for it. I stopped going to Yoga because I was puffing and panting and could not get up off the floor very easily and others members tended to stare at me like I'd arrived from another planet (little do they know I have its called planet c), now that I've started walking again I am going to try and aim for going back to Yoga and might practice it alone at home for a while.
The next side effect that needs desperate attention is the hot flushes these are extreme although for some ladies its not that bad. Mine are horrific, I instantly feel very nauseous then I visibly sweat and go beetroot in the face it wakes me up in the middle of night and generally makes me feel ill. Its got to stop. I thought it would get better as time wore on but its got worse. To date I've tried wearing a Ladycare Magnet which worked for around 6 months but then stopped working, also stopped drinking tea and coffee (only use decaf) this works but if on the odd occasion I do have a proper cup of tea or coffee the hot flushes are 100% worse almost immediately! Supplements I've taken include Sage, Vitamin E, Evening Primrose Oil all of them dont work for me. Onc. told me not to take Black Cohosh or Red Clover as these interfere with the effectiveness of the Tamxoifen. In the beginning I was offered anti-depressants but found after only taking one that I was a suicidal mess and stopped straight away also was offered Megace but a side effect is weight gain to which I popped the box directly in the bin. I was taking the drug Clonidine for my hot flushes and again this worked but had the added undesirable side effect of making me collapse I had so many falls I stopped taking it. Onc. told me he had run out of drugs for me to try to stop the hot flushes so I've given up asking him.
In view of all I've said in the previous chapter I have now finally found something that could work. Its not available in any shop except on line due to the law changing on herbs and herbal medicine my local health food shop cant sell it but I have managed to get some online and await its delivery with anticipation. Its Peony Tincture apparently according to my very knowledgeable health food shop owner its very effective for ladies where Sage has failed. Unlike Sage it works on the body's thermostat rather than hormonally which is a huge added plus. I also wanted to add that weirdly enough the day before I found out about Peony Tincture I was out looking for this plant and didn't really know why I came home with a bunch of Red Peony flowers and put them in a vase I've since learned that the Peony they use is Red so something prompted me to go out and buy these flowers and I believe this is a sign from spirit guiding to something that will help me. We need to listen to our instincts and act upon them especially if they keep coming into our focus. I cant wait for my tincture to arrive it cost £15 delivered which isn't too bad but I'm going to look into this further, if it works then I'm going to attempt to make my own, will keep you all posted on this one.
Love and light to you all xxxxx
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