Signs and the Peony flower

Its been a week since I learned the fantastic news about being NED (see post below) and its finally sunk in I feel like I'm in a weird kind of limbo land getting rid or the lung mets has been my driving force for nearly 3 years and its not like I'm stopping any treatment any time soon still on Herceptin forever and Tamoxifen for at least 5 years (2 and half years so far) so you see whilst the mets have gone I'm still living with the effects of cancer and its drugs so its not like I can be totally free of it and of course there's that Liver thing, still no word from the Onc on that one but will keep you updated as soon as I hear from them.

Its been beautiful weather this week all the flowers are out which is very unusual for this time of year normally we only see the delicate and beautiful Snowdrop this year the woods are carpeted in them its like the Snowdrop's are in direct competition with the Bluebells that normally cover the woodland floor. As well as the Snowdrop's we have loads of Daff's, Primroses, Crocus's and Violets I love seeing the flowers but worry that its all too soon and its still warm the amount of ground frost we've had this year you can count on one hand.

Getting back to my constant battle with the drugs. Before I was dx I never took any form of tablet so since all this has happened I feel like I'm a right pill popper lol. Its Tamoxifen again and the terrible hot flushes I say the hot flushes but its all of the side effects from this dam drug that really pull me down. I was considering taking a drug break from it or even stopping taking it altogether, until I learned the news of being NED this has now changed everything, I can't stop taking the drug it could be the one thing or the combo of Herceptin and Tamoxifen that is keeping me cancer free so as much as I hate it and all thats its doing to my poor body I've got to try and cultivate a better attitude to it.

I'm trying to address all the side effects and deal with them all so that I can get on with taking it for the remaining 2 and a half years. To start with I'm dealing with the weight gain going from a size 8-18 in the space of 2 and a half years is no joke. I was shopping in a charity shop the other day and a lady working in there decided to take it upon herself to show me where the size 18+ clothes rail was needless to say this upset me for the rest of the day. So no more carbs that includes white potatoes, any kind of rice, or pasta and bread its all going out. Initially I was good with the carbs but its slowly crept back into the diet so a total veto of all these things should help the weight loss. I'm also walking for at least an hour and a half each day and feel better for it. I stopped going to Yoga because I was puffing and panting and could not get up off the floor very easily and others members tended to stare at me like I'd arrived from another planet (little do they know I have its called planet c), now that I've started walking again I am going to try and aim for going back to Yoga and might practice it alone at home for a while.

The next side effect that needs desperate attention is the hot flushes these are extreme although for some ladies its not that bad. Mine are horrific, I instantly feel very nauseous then I visibly sweat and go beetroot in the face it wakes me up in the middle of night and generally makes me feel ill. Its got to stop. I thought it would get better as time wore on but its got worse. To date I've tried wearing a Ladycare Magnet which worked for around 6 months but then stopped working, also stopped drinking tea and coffee (only use decaf) this works but if on the odd occasion I do have a proper cup of tea or coffee the hot flushes are 100% worse almost immediately! Supplements I've taken include Sage, Vitamin E, Evening Primrose Oil all of them dont work for me. Onc. told me not to take Black Cohosh or Red Clover as these interfere with the effectiveness of the Tamxoifen. In the beginning I was offered anti-depressants but found after only taking one that I was a suicidal mess and stopped straight away also was offered Megace but a side effect is weight gain to which I popped the box directly in the bin. I was taking the drug Clonidine for my hot flushes and again this worked but had the added undesirable side effect of making me collapse I had so many falls I stopped taking it. Onc. told me he had run out of drugs for me to try to stop the hot flushes so I've given up asking him.

In view of all I've said in the previous chapter I have now finally found something that could work. Its not available in any shop except on line due to the law changing on herbs and herbal medicine my local health food shop cant sell it but I have managed to get some online and await its delivery with anticipation. Its Peony Tincture apparently according to my very knowledgeable health food shop owner its very effective for ladies where Sage has failed. Unlike Sage it works on the body's thermostat rather than hormonally which is a huge added plus. I also wanted to add that weirdly enough the day before I found out about Peony Tincture I was out looking for this plant and didn't really know why I came home with a bunch of Red Peony flowers and put them in a vase I've since learned that the Peony they use is Red so something prompted me to go out and buy these flowers and I believe this is a sign from spirit guiding to something that will help me. We need to listen to our instincts and act upon them especially if they keep coming into our focus. I cant wait for my tincture to arrive it cost £15 delivered which isn't too bad but I'm going to look into this further, if it works then I'm going to attempt to make my own, will keep you all posted on this one.

Love and light to you all xxxxx

Where's your head at?

Ok so I think its about time I filled you in on where I'm at at this particular moment in time. Obviously I'm still receiving Herceptin and taking daily Tamoxifen, I haven't had a whole body CT scan for about 8 month's now and feel I've gradually slipped into my new life post Cancer. However, I'm not the same person I was before and have changed almost everything about myself and my life. I continue to eat healthy and avoid red meat (I only eat free range chicken once a month) other than that I eat fish, eggs and pro-biotic organic yoghurt. I try to juice at least 3 times a week (I was doing this daily for just over 2 years) I've cut it down as I've started to feel better and believe juicing 3 times a week is sufficient in keeping my body both alkaline and healthy.  I continue to go for healing at least once a week this is very necessary and life re-affirming, I can't live without it. I try to meditate daily or at the very least weekly and I attend a weekly meditation group where we concentrate on healing. Yoga has become a weekly practice which also helps with the meditation. Another massive plus is I've started painting again and I feel ok about it. I'm in the middle of painting a couple of new collections and finished off old paintings this has proved to be quite cathartic and has brought me a new lease of life.

Occasionally I slip into my old mind set but I do recognise that this is not healthy and more importantly I am aware of it and try to nip it in the bud before it takes hold of me. Negative thought patterns are not tolerated anymore. This is easier said than done of course as the mind is a powerful manipulator, it also doesn't help when other people pass away or deteriorate with this disease, I can't help getting upset when someone passes even though I know they are going 'home' back to their natural spiritual state. I try to remind myself that this reaction to someones passing is natural and needs to be embraced worked through and ultimately let go of.

In answer to the title of this post my head is in a good place at the moment, I am positive and I've started to plan for the future something I never thought I'd be able to do especially on the work front. I've decided that I want to become a further education teacher possibly teaching foundation in art at a college as well as finishing my current paintings is my goal at the moment, myself and my partner have other plans but I'm going to try and stay focused on my current projects.

Yoga, lymphedema, menopause

Started back at Yoga today after a break over the half term and I really was feeling it! It really does help if you keep doing it your stamina and flexibility increase and gradually you are able to do things you would never imagine you would be able to, Yoga is really good for you and I recommend anyone who can to join a gentle form of yoga ie: Kundalini or Hatha Yoga. The bunch of ladies that are in my yoga group are so lovely and always ask me how I am, I have told them what has happened to me I decided that they needed to understand why a woman whose not that old (45) was getting so out of breath and knackered doing the exercises, now I don't get the questioning looks from them.

Good news, I think I'm losing weight, finally!!! cutting out dairy and keeping sugary treats like cakes and pastries to a minimum are working, also the yoga with a good walk at least once a week probably has something to do with it. The Clonidine that I was on for my hot flushes I stopped about 4 months ago has finally worn off, there was a multitude of side effects from it one being weight gain and fluid retention, I'm putting up with the hot flushes and actually they aren't that bad at this time of the year, also drinking more nettle tea which helps with fluid retention and I believe is helping me to release all that water, as I've been going to the toilet more often.

The lymphedema on my right hand side of my body is being moved around by the wonderful lymph nurse who gives me a special massage once every 2 weeks also my partner has learned how to do it for me so if its really bad I get him to push it around this massage always makes me want to pee more often as well. I'm no pre-cancer size 8 but at least I'm not putting anymore weight on and feeling swollen all over my tummy, I think my organs were swollen from the chemo and its taken all this time for them to go back to normal, still got a bloody tummy tho but then what menopausal woman hasn't got a tire tummy it appears to be the norm unfortunately.

My girlfriends who haven't been through menopause just don't get it, however I have warned them what is too come, the menopause is definitely not a walk in the park, hormones are so very important for a woman they govern your life you don't realise it until your not producing them anymore or in my case blocking them with drugs.

Day four of taking the beta blockers that my GP prescribed for the migraines and so far so good, don't want to say any more about that just incase I jinx it!!

Love and light to all xxxxx

Healing, healers and energy workers...

Last year I chanced upon a brilliant blog called 'Spiritual Light on Cancer' the lady Fiona that runs the blog is based in england but receives absent healing from a healer called Zoe based in Australia, Zoe can also channel spirits and asks her guides questions to which Fiona posts the responses. I asked a question about healing, physic surgeons etc and Fiona has kindly posted the response here's the link its a fascinating read. http://spiritual-light-on-cancer.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/21-can-energy-healing-help-to-cure.html#comment-form. Here's what I've posted as a response in the comments section.

Hi Fiona, Wanted to say thank you for asking the question and for posting this article it is truly fascinating, I have been going to a healer ever since I was dx with SBC (secondary breast cancer) and feel this has played an important part in my continued stable status, I believe in healing BUT I also believe that we have to do everything we can within our power to survive especially if you have cancer so doing all the conventional treatments like chemo/surgery/rads was always going to be part of my plan in addition to these treatments I also have tried a variety of complementary treatments like acupuncture, reflexology, organic juicing, supplements more recently yoga and I've booked an appointment with a lady that specialises in kinesiology to assess whether or not I need to take any additional supplements or add anything to my diet all of this including my weekly visits to a healer are I believe hugely important to my continued well being and stable status, I am living with breast cancer and doing everything within my power to fight it and survive. Whilst I am receiving the healing I meditate on healing myself and every time I drink one of my fresh green veg juices I feel the cells in my body power up. Thanks again for such a fascinating article and Happy New Year to you. Sending you and your healers/guides lots of love and light sarah xxxx

Kundalini Yoga.....Breathe in......Breathe out.......

"Go inside and listen to your inner voice. Every question has an answer. Your soul is full of wisdom and knows the way" Yogi Bhajan (1929 - 2004)

I've started yoga and so far so good, Kundalini Yoga teaches you the art of relaxation and self-healing with mental elevation, it balances the body and mind and enables you to experience clarity. Using Pranayama (breathing) as a means to focus the mind and turn off the internal chatter, Kundalini is not a religion and is practiced for it health benefits by different people of all faiths. This is a gentle form of yoga and I didn't feel that I had overly exerted myself just gently toned and focused my mind. Afterwards I could feel I had done some exercise but was feeling so invigorated that I went out for a walk with my neighbour and her dogs and managed to go the full 5 miles (admittedly with a lot of breaks) but I still just about managed it and again feel amazing and full of vitality.

I've booked up for 5 more sessions of yoga and will keep everyone informed of my progress.

Five Sutras for the Aquarian Age

1. Recognize that the other person is you
2. There is a way through every block
3. When the time is upon you, start and the pressure will be off
4. Understand through compassion or you will misunderstand the times
5. Vibrate the cosmos, the cosmos shall clear the path

The Art of Letting Go...........

As the title of this post suggest's here's an article I've found that beautifully illustrates this illusive concept. Well worth a read.

http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/the-art-of-letting-go-165054344.html

“I guess if I wanted to say anything, it is don’t take my word for it. Try to prove it to yourself. Become your own guru, become your own teacher. Because a true master would actually only show you the path. Question everything and figure it out yourself. And don’t worry, there will be loads of guides along the way.”

Quote taken from article above by Mark Chaves

Radiation, juicing, and the wii

Been zapped with the radiotherapy today day 4 got to go everyday until the 25th Jan, went fine yesterday and today was feeling very tired/fatigued yesterday and ended up sleeping in the afternoon, feel ok today went out for a walk this afternoon very refreshing and feel better for it. Thinking that the episode I had last friday with the migraine/sickness was to do with my hormones as originally thought and not a reaction to the rads thankfully, cause I got a long way to go with the rads.

Started green juicing today first time since the beginning of the year I was going to wait until I'd finished this last lot of treatment but decided that it wont hurt to start juicing now even if I'm still eating stuff I should not be like chocolate and carbs like potatoes, will stop eating all bad foods when I've finished the rads until then I feel I going to eat what I want when I want. Have too say that the juicing is going well and I don't mind that its winter and cold, a lot of people complain that juicing in the winter does not suit them, I can relate to this but have built up a tolerance for juicing as I have been dong this since the beginning. I'm going to start a page with my own juicing recipes.

We were given a wii for xmas and I started doing yoga on it today, its quite good but will keep you posted of my progress, there is a class in the next village but it cost a whopping £5 quid and I just cannot afford that every week so next best thing is the wii at least it tells you if your doing the moves right.