Scanxiety.......

Yep, its that time again, just had a CT scan this time with contrast. Over the past year they couldn't get a cannula into my veins so I couldn't have the scan with contrast which provides a better all round picture, this time however I went to oncology where the experienced chemo nurses were able to get a cannula in and I had the CT with contrast. This has thrown me into a an anxious, worried person whose not feeling up to much at the moment, praying the results are all good or at the very least stable and so this joyless, shitty ride continues...........

I've said it before and I'll say it again FUCKING CANCER.....

In other news, my father has had yet another stroke this time affecting his lefthand side almost a year to the day of the last one. Feel so much for the poor old fella, he's hanging on in there by the skin of his teeth, he can't swallow so is now on a peg for nutrition, water and medication, his memory is shaky sometimes he's with us and sometimes he's most definitely not, so upsetting. He's been in hospital for a month now and isn't likely to come out anytime soon, so I've been staying at my folks house supporting my brother and mum although I'm home at the moment because I need my own bed once in a while and of course I had hospital appointments. I am being kept up to date of his progress and will be going up again soon to stay and visit.

Spring has arrived and is utterly gorgeous as per usual, feel so grateful to still be around appreciating natures awesome beauty although it is somewhat tainted with the current state of affairs.

Devastated at the loss....

It is with a heavy heart that my post today is on the passing of two women who had been fighting so hard against this bloody awful disease. The first person was Lisa Lynch of http://alrighttit.blogspot.co.uk/2013_03_01_archive.html blog and the excellent book 'The C-Word' Lisa was so incredibly young dx at only 28 years old her blog and book helped me through my own initial shock and subsequent acceptance of the fact that I am now living with cancer. I didn't know Lisa personally but due to her brilliant witty writing style felt that I knew her as a close friend. The second lady was known on the forums as Alesta aka Laurie, again such amazing strength and the courage of a lion she was a true inspiration to all of us on the facebook chat group and on the BCC forum, Laurie told me about the BCC forum she sent me personal messages full of humour, advise and wisdom, she made me feel that I wasn't alone in dealing with all this cancer shit, I loved the fact that she swore her head off, and voiced her opinions, she was true to herself and in being so genuine helped others. Both of these women leave behind family and friends, both were too young. Its rained all day down here and the roads are starting too flood which is how I feel, I have cried a river over these deaths and others since I was dx it never gets any easier. RIP love and light xxx

Today I went for a MRI on my head too make sure that the searing migraines are not something more sinister, spent an hour in there listening to some bloody terrible loud banging noise as the machine scans my head, then another injection of something or other in my hand, poor hand, then more loud noise. Followed by some retail therapy in Primarni and a cuppa coffee with my best friend and then onto the lymphedema clinic for some MLD (manual lymphatic drainage). Feel exhausted and tired so early to bed or I might just camp out on the sofa and try to regain some kind of normal composure. xxx