Spiritually turning a corner.....

Anyone that follows this blog would of know that I am a very spiritual person always have been. Since being dx with breast cancer with secondary's I have become very open to anything of an esoteric nature, I attend spiritual healing once a week after that we (myself my healer and another friend) perform psychometry* and apparently I'm quite good at it. Also I have been reading a lot so far up to about 8 different books some on beating cancer some on spiritual concerns. Most recently I have finished reading "They walk among us" by Emma Heathcote-James supposed to be an in depth study of the phenomenon of near death experiences and other such super natural occurrences, I found this book to be far too scientific with no where near enough actual renditions of peoples experiences, most of the stories were not told directly to the author, they came in via second or third hand sources. Psychic Protection by Judy hall (mainly a crystal healer and teacher) this was interesting and I have taken on board some of what she taught in this book. Others include "The Hidden Messages in Water" by Masaru Emoto which is a feast for your eyes showing lots of magnified photo's of snow flakes, just beautiful. "Your body speaks your mind" by Debbie Shapiro is a definite must for anyones book shelf (its a bit like Louise Hay "You can heal your life").  I've also bought a couple more books on Crystal Healing by Judy Hall.

I am currently in the middle of reading "Angels in my hair" by Lorna Byrne.  Lorna is basically describing her life and experiences she is a special person and has been able to see and sometimes feel angels all her life even from an early age of 2 she has seen dead peoples spirits and angels, at times it is heart breaking but I feel her words speak volumes to all of us, everyone should read this book its an eye opener, whilst reading this book each turn of a page is like turning a corner, facing up to the challenges that life presents and accepting the inevitable. I am going to list the obstacles I have managed to over come the main one and its a big one being:

1. I am not afraid to die
2. You are never alone not for one minute
3. Ask for guidance from the angel's
4. Listen to your guardian angel

also to answer any questions that might arise from these points:
1. I am not afraid to die. Question why? Answer because as Lorna see's it we simply transfer to another existence in one particular chapter of the book she described how she saw some young boys riding their bikes have a fatal accident with a truck she say's " they just carried on riding their bikes" except she actually saw them riding up towards heaven or the sky, at the point of death they did not feel any pain or suffering they quite simply just continued with what they were doing, time stood still for Lorna watching the whole event but for the boys it happened in a blink of an eye. Of course whilst this was going lorna described how she saw many angels helping the boys make the transition.

 2. You are never alone not for one minute. I have always felt this too be a true statement, we don't walk around aware that we have someone with us always but in times of strife we need to remember and draw some comfort from this.

3. Ask for guidance from the angel's Question: How do I ask? Answer: When your in deep meditation  or praying or it could be just as your drifting off too sleep, ask the for help out loud or with your mind whatever you do JUST ASK. I always feel closer to God late at night when the world is asleep thats the time I ask. The bible say's "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

4. Listen to your guardian angel Question: How do I listen? Answer: Don't necessarily expect the angels to speak to you in a human way via conversation although they could choose to whisper in your ear, late at night just as your about to drift off too sleep thats when I hear things (just before I was dx with Breast Cancer I could hear a voice sometimes male sometimes female sometimes my mothers voice saying my name out loud so loud that it would jolt me awake, I didn't realise it but they were voices of angels or my guardian angel and they were definitely warning me about the breast cancer) at other times I am shown a flash of an image or hear a sound that guides me to make a decision. Look for  other sorts of signs like maybe hearing an unusual bird song or seeing an unusual bird or wild animal, keep your eyes and ears open and question things, whats your gut feeling? thats how I define listening to an angel.

*is a form of extra sensory perception characterized by the claimed ability to make relevant associations from an object of unknown history by making physical contact with that object. Supporters assert that an object may have an energy field that transfers knowledge regarding that object's history on each other.

Yoga, lymphedema, menopause

Started back at Yoga today after a break over the half term and I really was feeling it! It really does help if you keep doing it your stamina and flexibility increase and gradually you are able to do things you would never imagine you would be able to, Yoga is really good for you and I recommend anyone who can to join a gentle form of yoga ie: Kundalini or Hatha Yoga. The bunch of ladies that are in my yoga group are so lovely and always ask me how I am, I have told them what has happened to me I decided that they needed to understand why a woman whose not that old (45) was getting so out of breath and knackered doing the exercises, now I don't get the questioning looks from them.

Good news, I think I'm losing weight, finally!!! cutting out dairy and keeping sugary treats like cakes and pastries to a minimum are working, also the yoga with a good walk at least once a week probably has something to do with it. The Clonidine that I was on for my hot flushes I stopped about 4 months ago has finally worn off, there was a multitude of side effects from it one being weight gain and fluid retention, I'm putting up with the hot flushes and actually they aren't that bad at this time of the year, also drinking more nettle tea which helps with fluid retention and I believe is helping me to release all that water, as I've been going to the toilet more often.

The lymphedema on my right hand side of my body is being moved around by the wonderful lymph nurse who gives me a special massage once every 2 weeks also my partner has learned how to do it for me so if its really bad I get him to push it around this massage always makes me want to pee more often as well. I'm no pre-cancer size 8 but at least I'm not putting anymore weight on and feeling swollen all over my tummy, I think my organs were swollen from the chemo and its taken all this time for them to go back to normal, still got a bloody tummy tho but then what menopausal woman hasn't got a tire tummy it appears to be the norm unfortunately.

My girlfriends who haven't been through menopause just don't get it, however I have warned them what is too come, the menopause is definitely not a walk in the park, hormones are so very important for a woman they govern your life you don't realise it until your not producing them anymore or in my case blocking them with drugs.

Day four of taking the beta blockers that my GP prescribed for the migraines and so far so good, don't want to say any more about that just incase I jinx it!!

Love and light to all xxxxx

Migraines doing my head in.......

Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed the cause another migraine, accompanied by the usual vomiting and nausea, didn't eat anything until about 8 at night because of the sickness makes me feel like I don't want to carry on anymore dammed fucking headache it pisses me off so much, the only thing I can do is attempt to remedy it with a cocktail of drugs starting off with Sumatriptan which failed followed by 2 paracetamol and an anti-sickness tablet the sickness tablet worked but the paracetamol was just not strong enough ended up taking 2 codeine which finally hit the spot as well as knocking me out and making me feel totally spaced out and not on this planet. At my last onc appointment it was decided that I would have an MRI scan on my head just to make sure nothing sinister was going on in the upstairs department still haven't had an appointment time for this yet.

Needed a bit of a moan about it as it is getting me down. On the upside I managed to operate normally today and am enjoying a bit of cooking so going to have some lovely healthy root veg and lentil casserole with a piece of salmon and some watercress sauce yum yum xxxxx

Tamoxifen, joint pain......

I also forgot to mention that I suffer with at times extreme joint pain in both feet and both thumbs its the searing arthritic sort of pain and mainly gets me when I first get out of bed, takes me about 10 minutes to warm up and walk properly I kind of shuffle for about 5 to 10 mins, dammed Tamoxifen makes me feel old before my time by at least 20 years! I have requested a bone density scan as a result of this not too be confused with the bone scan I had recently that was in the nuclear department of the hospital, that particular scan came back fine.