I'll Find My Way Home.....

Yesterday was a mixed bag of conflicting emotions on the one hand I was boosted by feeling enlightened with the Wounded Healer stuff and then I dove head long into a deep depression the only explanation for this is probably my hormones and the overall helplessness of my situation. I really want to stop having Herceptin and Zoladex but I know it would be the end. However, I am not afraid to die after all we are all heading in the same direction and no one can cheat death BUT I suppose I've still got something to accomplish on this planet and the survival instinct kicks in and you carry on taking the drugs plodding along on a knifes edge waiting for the next twist in the road or rather knowing there will be another twist in the road. I actually told my partner he would be better off without me and that I wanted to "stop the world from spinning cause I wanna get off." This all happened yesterday afternoon so I went to bed feeling suicidal and very low I woke up this morning at 5am not feeling any better but as I've experienced in the past a song running over and over again in my head and its not a song I've ever bought or even liked so I assume its another message from spirit as 'they' must know how bad I am feeling todays song was I'll Find My Way Home by Jon and Vangelis. If I wake up that early I have to get up otherwise it will develop into a migraine so I got up and looked the song up on my phone the lyrics shocked me, I didn't realise it was actually a prayer dressed up as an 80's pop song which is very deep with multi layered meanings. Here's the lyrics and the song on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Y3m7fisOU

You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I'll say I can't tell you when
But if my spirit is lost
How will I find what is near
Don't question I'm not alone
Somehow I'll find my way home

My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace
And if you're asking me when
I'll say it starts at the end
You know your will to be free
Is matched with love secretly
And talk will alter your prayer
Somehow you'll find you are there.

Your friend is close by your side
And speaks in far ancient tongue
A seasons wish will come true
All seasons begin with you
One world we all come from
One world we melt into one

Just hold my hand and we're there
Somehow we're going somewhere
Somehow we're going somewhere

You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I'll say I can't tell you when
But if my spirit is strong
I know it can't be long
No questions I'm not alone
Somehow I'll find my way home
Somehow I'll find my way home
Somehow I'll find my way home
Somehow I'll find my way home

Songwriters: Papathanassiou, Evangelos / Anderson, Jon
I'll Find My Way Home lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

The best news ever.....

Wanted to share my unbelievable amazing news with you all. Saw my onc today he told me that " the lung mets have disappeared" and my lungs are now clear. I sat there in total shock and can't believe how lucky I am, it appears that something is working at getting rid of the bad cells. All the drugs ie: hereceptin/tamoxifen, jucing, hemp oil (early days), the supplements and the weekly spiritual healing are all worth while, obviously we can't say exactly what it was that obliterated them but the important thing to remember is that something did work. 

There was only one grey area and thats on my liver there is a mass there but they still cannot define exactly what it is it could be cancer that is stable or it could be fatty tissue, my onc is writing to the radiologist to ascertain what tests we can do to find out exactly what it is that shows up on the scans whatever it is has been static and non moving now for quite a long time and he wasn't overly worried about it although he did say we are going to keep an eye on it with 3 monthly scans. 

As for the subcut herceptin I'm to have my first 2 lots in the hospital so thats all booked in and I've decided not to give up on my hospital just yet.

Apologies to you all for not coming on sooner and posting but up until yesterday I was on  a huge downer and needed something positive to give me a boost, this is the best possible outcome I could of wanted. I feel like I can start my life all over again, I feel like I've been given a second chance. I am so utterly grateful to still be here.

Sending you all love and light
Sarah xxx