Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Saturday, 16 May 2015

I'll Find My Way Home.....

Yesterday was a mixed bag of conflicting emotions on the one hand I was boosted by feeling enlightened with the Wounded Healer stuff and then I dove head long into a deep depression the only explanation for this is probably my hormones and the overall helplessness of my situation. I really want to stop having Herceptin and Zoladex but I know it would be the end. However, I am not afraid to die after all we are all heading in the same direction and no one can cheat death BUT I suppose I've still got something to accomplish on this planet and the survival instinct kicks in and you carry on taking the drugs plodding along on a knifes edge waiting for the next twist in the road or rather knowing there will be another twist in the road. I actually told my partner he would be better off without me and that I wanted to "stop the world from spinning cause I wanna get off." This all happened yesterday afternoon so I went to bed feeling suicidal and very low I woke up this morning at 5am not feeling any better but as I've experienced in the past a song running over and over again in my head and its not a song I've ever bought or even liked so I assume its another message from spirit as 'they' must know how bad I am feeling todays song was I'll Find My Way Home by Jon and Vangelis. If I wake up that early I have to get up otherwise it will develop into a migraine so I got up and looked the song up on my phone the lyrics shocked me, I didn't realise it was actually a prayer dressed up as an 80's pop song which is very deep with multi layered meanings. Here's the lyrics and the song on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Y3m7fisOU

You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I'll say I can't tell you when
But if my spirit is lost
How will I find what is near
Don't question I'm not alone
Somehow I'll find my way home

My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace
And if you're asking me when
I'll say it starts at the end
You know your will to be free
Is matched with love secretly
And talk will alter your prayer
Somehow you'll find you are there.

Your friend is close by your side
And speaks in far ancient tongue
A seasons wish will come true
All seasons begin with you
One world we all come from
One world we melt into one

Just hold my hand and we're there
Somehow we're going somewhere
Somehow we're going somewhere

You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I'll say I can't tell you when
But if my spirit is strong
I know it can't be long
No questions I'm not alone
Somehow I'll find my way home
Somehow I'll find my way home
Somehow I'll find my way home
Somehow I'll find my way home

Songwriters: Papathanassiou, Evangelos / Anderson, Jon
I'll Find My Way Home lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

Thursday, 14 May 2015

Faith, hope and charity........

A tragic tale of a 92 year old who 'Lost her faith in people' after living through a war, suffering loss and pain, giving to charity and raising vast sums of money, surviving breast cancer 2 years ago after all of this and a long long life she took her own life by jumping off the Clifton Suspension Bridge in Bristol due to losing her faith in humanity. It begs belief doesn't it? bless her soul she couldn't comprehend that in these modern times people would be untrustworthy and cruel, after all her 92 years on the planet finally her faith had been shattered. I'm struggling to find the words to express how tragic this death is, she had lived through a war which took her first husband she suffered and experienced great loss so that we can live a free life and she's repaid with a loss of faith in the society her husband had gone to war to defend. Terrible terrible modern society, I often wonder where we are all heading????? If our elderly can survive to such a grand old age and then at the end of it all loose faith, I know its made me question my own faith and has me asking where is the hope? where is the charity? My own grandmother and her sisters were nicknamed Faith, Hope and Charity there lives were hard being brought up in a work house the daughters of romany gypsies their generation never moaned or complained they just got on with it. RIP Olive Cooke, Edna Sweet, Aunty Dol and Aunty Phil you had all the faith, hope and charity between you I only hope we can find some in these dark modern days.

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/britain-s-oldest-poppy-seller-found-dead-aged-92-after--losing-her-faith-in-people-105637894.html#o1I5Arq

Monday, 9 December 2013

True hope at christmas....

Hi all,
The post today is about anniversary's or in my case cancerversary here's a link to an article written in the New York Times by someone who also shares a cancerversary and here's how he celebrates it and what it means to him, an excellent piece of writing well worth a read.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/08/fashion/Cancer-Survivors-five-year-Celebration-Day-known-as-cancerversary.html?smid=pl-share

I found this article brought a warm fuzzy feeling the kind that an open fire on a cold winters night can bring in a word comfort, its hard living with an incurable stage IV terminal disease, each year that passes makes you become more and more complacent in your life. The first year I was like a raw nerve on tender hooks every time I was called by the hospital or scanned then as the years progress I'm finding myself falling back into the happy blissful complacent place I was in before all of this shit started. Of course you never really forget its always there everyday I'm reminded in some small way that I have this disease I suppose its part of our innate capacity as human beings for survival that we shove the shit under the carpet and to coin a phrase keep calm and carry on.

True hope is the message carried in the article and whilst no one knows why we got cancer we can be grateful for riding the shit storm and coming out the other side albeit not smelling of roses but still in one piece. We are after all still here, still breathing and living if there's one thing we should all do and that is to live in this perfect moment this second in time, enjoy and love the life your living.

....... Merry Xmas everyone.......
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Thursday, 21 November 2013

I found hope in a hopeless place......

A slight change to the words in Rihanna's song to  "I've found hope in a hopeless place" finally someone has experienced the same side effects on Tamoxifen that I have, finally they acknowledge what I've been going, finally I've found some hope....

My ankles hurt and when I say hurt I mean a lot to the extent that when really bad I can't walk apart from the fact that I've put on nearly 5 stone in weight for the first time in my life and I find just getting around hard work, being a size 8 all my life and now an 18+ I was not prepared for this side effect and it seems neither were some of my friends and family. Since the weight gain I've hid out in our flat down in Devon (most of my friends and family live in Somerset), my best friend walked straight past me in the street and I haven't seen that much of her all year. Obviously this has been hugely upsetting but I pushed through it all and finally accepted the new fatter me then the ankle pain started only slight at first now its a real problem making it impossible for me too walk on the bad days and on the good days I hobble around, of course this doesn't help with exercise and trying to loose weight. Here's a copy of a  a response from Belinda a fellow breast cancer patient who has given me hope....

Hi Sarah, yes to everything you mentioned. Something that helps if you have the painful backs of ankle pain I had. Before getting out of bed, lay flat on your back, legs outstretched so you can feel the mattress on the backs of your knees.

Keeping legs still pull toes up towards you, gently, 4 or 5 times. You're gently stretching the ligaments. Sounds a silly little exercise but it helped me with the painful hobble to the bathroom on waking.

I put on 4 stone while on Tamoxifen. I did lose it all when Tamoxifen stopped working for me and I'm now 4-5 dress sizes smaller than when I was at my heaviest. My advice is don't beat yourself up about the weight gain it's not your fault. I became a little bit clever with pretty scarves that could be drapped, tied to distract and disguise. How about an appointment with the pain clinic at your hospital to see if they have something effective and fast acting for the migraines? Take Care..x

I cannot express how much this post means to me it confirms that I'm not going mad, that others are suffering with these severe side effects and that at the end of it all I could loose all the weight I've put on, like the the title of this post I've found some hope......

Thursday, 4 July 2013

Friday, 22 March 2013

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

New and now tested 'Smart Bomb' for cancer...

An article I grabbed from the news on the new and now tested 'Smart Bomb' for curing cancer.

Scientists have successfully tested a capillary "smart bomb" that simultaneously attacks cancer and boosts the immune system. The tiny hollow spheres become trapped in leaky tumour blood vessels, where they unleash an anti-cancer drug. At the same time the spheres, called nanolipogels (NLGs), release a protein that rallies the body's own defences. Researchers tested the spheres in mice on melanoma skin cancer that had spread to the lungs. Tumour growth was significantly delayed and the survival of the mice increased. The new technology overcomes a problem with cancer treatment that has been difficult to tackle using conventional therapies, say the scientists. Cancer tumours are known to secrete chemicals that confuse the immune system. But attempts to boost patient immunity while at the same time neutralising the cancer's chemical arsenal rarely work. The NLGs, described in the journal Nature Materials, package together two completely different kinds of molecule. One is designed to overcome a potent cancer defence weapon called TGF-beta, which stunts the local immune system. The other, an interleukin signalling molecule, boosts immune system activity. Researcher Dr Stephen Wrzesinski, from Yale University School of Medicine in the US, said: "One problem with current metastatic (spreading) melanoma immunotherapies is the difficulty managing autoimmune toxicities when the treatment agents are administered throughout the body. "The novel nanolipogel delivery system we used will hopefully bypass systemic toxicities while providing support to enable the body to fight off the tumour at the tumour bed itself."Each NLG is small enough to travel through the bloodstream, but large enough to get entrapped in leaky cancer blood vessels. Once trapped, they biodegrade to release their cargo.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Butterflies and Rainbows

Last year whilst still going for chemo at the hospital I noticed on the drive up to the hospital nearly every time a rainbow in the sky, I also painted a picture of a rainbow over a stormy sea with one sailing boat in it please see below, another oddity was I found myself thinking about butterflies I even dreamed about them, whilst reading Bernie Seigels book Love Medicine and Miracles he mentions both rainbow's and butterflies in the same sentence, here's the symbolism attached to them:


Rainbows are a sign of hope
Butterflies are a sign of regeneration/transformation




It wasn't until I read that book and now realise the message being conveyed to me, the rainbows in the sky were trying to show me that if I had nothing else I had hope and the butterflies were pointing towards changing my life regenerating and transforming into the butterfly I truly am inside.


This picture means so much too me it was the only painting I did last year whilst going through the hell that is chemo and this is how I can now interpret it, the sea and sky is moody and fierce signifying the cancer, I myself am symbolised by the lone sailing boat struggling in the stormy sea, the rainbow offers me a strong message of hope that I will get through this and come out the other side and to date that is what I have done, weathered the storm and returned somewhat changed but ultimately triumphant. I really needed to write this down and remember it because somewhere inside me, something is telling me its very important.


Sending you all rainbows and butterflies
Love and light
sarahx

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Hope to heal

I've found these films on cancer and present quite a case see what you think:
This one is by Bernie Siegel the writer of Love, Medicine and Miracles worth a watch:

Thursday, 19 April 2012

10 different subtypes of Breast Cancer


Breast cancer stems from 10 genetic subtypes, not four as previously thought, according to a study published today in the journal Nature.

The findings by researchers in the U.K. and Canada will eventually enable doctors to better predict survival times in women with the disease and tailor the most appropriate treatment to their type of tumor, said Carlos Caldas, one of the authors and the chairman of cancer medicine at the University of Cambridge in England.

Tests to diagnose the new subtypes will probably be developed and in routine use in three to five years, which may not immediately affect how doctors work with patients, “but it’s surely going to change the way we do clinical trials,” Caldas said at a press conference in London yesterday. “It will lead to better treatments and more targeted treatments.”

Breast malignancies are diagnosed in 1.4 million women a year worldwide and are the most common cancers in women, according to Cancer Research UK. Survival rates after five years have increased to more than 80 percent from 50 percent in the late 1970s, according to the London-based charity.

The study by Cancer Research UK’s Cambridge Research Institute and the BC Cancer Agency in Vancouver looked at 2,000 frozen tumor samples from patients diagnosed with the disease at five hospitals. Scientists analyzed genetic material in the cancer cells for mutations and other changes and grouped them into 10 subtypes with common genetic features that correlated with long-term survival times.

‘Landmark’ Finding
The project was the largest global gene study of breast cancer, according to Cancer Research UK, which partly funded it. The charity’s chief executive, Harpal Kumar, said it represents a “landmark” in work on the disease. The current practice of diagnosing and treating women with breast cancer involves testing tumor samples for the presence of genetic markers for two hormone receptors, known as ER and HER- 2, Caldas said.

The outcome of that test determines which of four existing subtypes of breast cancer a woman has, and influences the treatment she receives and her prognosis, he said. The most common form is ER-positive and HER-2 negative breast cancer, which affects 70 percent of women with the disease, Caldas said. Another 15 percent have HER-2 positive tumors and can receive Roche Holding AG (ROG)’s targeted medicine Herceptin, which costs 30,000 pounds ($48,000) a year and carries a risk of heart damage.

Personalized Medicines
Identifying the 10 subtypes means patients in the future will know more exactly which type of breast cancer they have and, as more targeted drugs are developed, they should receive more effective or personalized medicines, said Julia Wilson, head of research information at Breakthrough Breast Cancer.

“This is a massive step in the right direction for our understanding of what breast cancer is,” said Wilson, whose organization helped in the study by providing samples, data and analysis as well as one of the report’s authors. “It’s really helping us to make sure each patient gets the right treatment at the right time. And it’s really sparing them from grueling treatment if it’s not going to work.”

The new subtypes of breast cancer include seven that were defined as ER-positive and HER-2 negative, Caldas said. Survival times for each of the seven subtypes range from 80 percent after 15 years from diagnosis to less than 40 percent after 15 years, considered a wide variation, he said.

‘Quest’ for Detection
“We’ve been in a quest for finding better markers in that particular subgroup for the last 15 or 20 years,” he said. “This is much more discriminatory and informative.”

The study results should spur drugmakers to develop more drugs targeting tyrosine kinases, phosphatases and chromatin modifiers as possible treatments for the newly identified subtypes of breast cancer, Caldas said.

GlaxoSmithKline Plc (GSK)’s Tykerb is a kinase inhibitor already approved for treating HER-2 positive breast cancer.

The findings may prompt drugmakers to take another look at existing compounds they had previously overlooked for the disease, said Karol Sikora, an oncologist at Hammersmith Hospital in London.

“It’s likely that a lot of drugs have been thrown out by pharmaceutical companies that would benefit small groups of patients,” Sikora said. “We call them ‘trash-can drugs’ in the business. Almost certainly in the junkyards of pharmaceutical companies are drugs that are active” against breast cancer.

Newly Discovered Genes
The study also identified several new genes that contribute to the disease, Caldas said. One of the subtypes has genetic markers that are associated with poor outcomes for patients, yet some patients with the subtype do well and defy predictions of their long-term survival. The immune system would appear to be “enriched” in women with this subtype and further understanding why might lead to new treatments, he said.

“It looks in this subset the immune system is playing a very active role in improving the prognoses of these women,” he said.

The breast-cancer study may also influence research on solid tumors affecting other organs, such as prostate, lung and colorectal cancers, Caldas said.

Cancer Research UK is funding a study that tests experimental treatments in 3,000 colorectal cancer patients with seven biomarkers, said Kate Law, director of clinical and population research at the charity. That study will begin in a few months, she said.

Fansinating study and encouraging for those of us with this disease I beleive we are are the road to finding a cure and instead of it being in the far away future its going to happen within my lifetime, amazing science.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

New Treatments Wonder Drug = little bit of positivity and hope

Going to start this post with a couple of positive news articles about the big C, I for one found them so hopeful and inspiring we are truly lucky to live in times when our clever Dr's can treat us and keep us alive for longer, surely the cure is just round the corner.

Just had a phone call from my mum telling me about an article in the Daily Mail on the 9th of April all about a new wonder drug that is supposed to be even better than herceptin, its being heralded as the new wonder drug, and can treat not only breast cancer but other cancers like prostrate, pancreatic, bowel, and ovarian cancers.

There is also these two links kindly sent to me by a lady on the BCC forum probing into the science behind it all the first one is quite easy to understand and the second one just went way over my head. http://medicalxpress.com/news/2011-12-vaccine-breast-cancer-mice.html
http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2011/12/13/1115166109.abstract

Whilst on the subject and worth a watch on the iplayer the Horizon program called "Defeating Cancer" definately worth checking it out if you missed it.

xx