Latest news on Tamoxifen.....

I keep getting weird coincidence the latest one is related to the bane of my life Tamoxifen. Some of you may remember that I suffer with severe side effects taking this drug I've been on it since Oct 2011 and am supposed to be on it for 5 years. Recently due to the hideous side effects I have been considering stopping taking this drug and figured that I'd been on it for 2 years and couldn't take anymore of its bullshit!!! However 2 media releases have come to my attention one is on the radio here's the link http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b039d4b6 its right at the beginning of the programme and only lasts for 15 mins well worth a listen, basically they talk about the lack of support offered to women who are considering stopping the drug, why women want to stop taking the drug, and its associated side effects. The other was on Sky and my spiritual healer saw the programme and relayed the information to me. It would seem that there is a 2 year itch with this drug where the side effects if suffered from are so severe women are not taking it and sadly dying as a result. Obviously there needs to be some form of follow up support for women taking this drug as its completely understandable why women choose to stop taking it because the side effects can be extreme. Side effects range from severe weight gain (I've put on 4 stone in 2 years for the first time in my life and have gone from a size 8 - 18 overnight!!! I don't eat anything really different so its not food related apart from the fact that I don't eat wheat, dairy, or red meat), chronic migraines at least 3 a week this is so debilitating I have too spend the day on strong pain killers and in a dark room in bed, arthritic pain in both ankles and wrists/hands so bad that on occasion I can't walk, hot flushes I literally pour with sweat and go bright red in the face this makes me not want to go out so exasperating a lack of confidence and trust in my own body and its functions apart from the fact it makes me feel so ill. Not everyone taking the drug will suffer with these side effects but those of us who do its absolute hell. One of the best suggestions on the Radio 4 programme was for a 3 month drug holiday, my own Onc. suggested a one week break to which I replied that its not worth it and not long enough she certainly made it quite clear that I should not stop taking it and that she in no way would agree with me doing this. I put it too her that my oestrogen count was only 4/8 and not 8/8 (so my cancer is fed weakly by oestrogen) she told me that that only means that I will die a bit later than someone who is 8/8!!!!! meaning it wouldn't get me as fast as if I was 8/8. ughhhhhhhhhhh I also put it too her that the dammed Tamoxifen is making me put on so much weight and that obese women are in the high risk category so surely the one thing is cancelling out the other, she told me that news reports about obese women being in a high risk category was nonsense!!!!! ughhhhhhhhh it would seem I am stuck on this fucking drug for the time being or until I literally can't take anymore and go do dally on the blasted stuff. Its sending me round the bend already and I honestly don't know what to do about it, I feel at the end of my tether. Anyone reading this who has some answers please share and email me. Thanks xx

CT scan and Beliefs and Prayers.......

Its been a year since my last CT scan so I was due for one, arrived at the hospital early on Sunday morning (they are so busy they need to keep the scanner working 24 hours a day) waited for half an hour and then was taken by a very tall chinese doctor with an umbrella out to a mobile unit (I've never had this procedure done in a mobile unit before) it was raining and in spite of the umbrella we still got very wet, then what seemed like an age before they finally got the needle in and that familiar taste of metal and the feeling of wanting to pee came over me the actual scan only takes 10 mins at the most but its all the other stuff that takes so long. By the time we got home I was feeling sick and headachy so took some codeine and later due to that not working a sumatriptan. Now its back to the waiting game and my follow up appointment on the 4th of October.

I've done quite a lot of research on all things cancer and what you can do to help yourself but I'm feeling a bit out on a limb at the moment so decided to give Penny Brohn Centre a call and book up on a free Living Well Course, the centre is in Bristol and basically I would like to find out if I'm doing the right things ie: juicing and not eating dairy or meat and to speak with someone whose a proper trained nutritionist find out if I'm lacking in anything would be good apart from all of that its free and you stay at the centre overnight which is a beautiful old building on the outskirts of the city, I feel the need to meet up with others who are on a similar journey and more importantly who are actively helping themselves to thrive and survive.

 Its been really hard recently as 3 of the women from the chat group on FB have died two of which share the same name 'Sarah', I used to chat to both of these lovely ladies outside of the FB group and can't quite believe that they are gone, its knocked the wind out of me and I feel the need to distance myself further from all things breast cancer, I suppose what I'm saying is that trying to live with these constant deaths and upsets aren't really helping me stay positive. The women that have passed away I knew through the FB chat group and the BCC forum and as far as I know they didn't really try going down the holistic approach, I'm still juicing although not daily as I can't afford it, I do it  3 times a week and drink predominately green organic juice, also as far as I am aware I am the only one who goes to a spiritual healer and the bottom line is I'm the only one doing very well on this regime, obviously I do take Tamoxifen and have Herceptin but I also try all the alternatives when I can afford it and will actively follow the advice given by healers and practitioners. Some of the alternatives are free. I wish the others would give them a go, but you can't tell someone what to believe in, they have to find it for themselves. All I can do is pray for those still fighting and send some absent healing with love and light.