Saturday 21 January 2012
PJ's and sofa day
Today not feeling so good been camped out on the sofa all day, woke up really early with massive hot flush that persisted throughout the day in fact the whole day was one massive fucking hot flush, the only thing that gives me any respite from it is to stick my head in the freezer/fridge or out of the window, anyone who thinks that hot flushes are doable have got to be kidding me, I mean seriously it really is the final straw, I'm sat here with sweat pouring off of me whilst I type this, I was supposed to see my oncologist this week as part of the rads appointments but he was off ill and is now off on holiday so can't ask him about taking sage tea and fig leaf tea for the hot flushes, everything I take has to be ok'd by him for fear of it interfering with the tamoxifen or adding to my estrogen (my cancer is estrogen rich meaning it feeds off my estrogen), so stuck with not being able to take anything for the dam hot flushes until I speak to him, I did go on the forum and ask the ladies on there about sage and fig leaf tea but did'nt get many responses and the ones I did get seem to conflict nobody seems to know whether or not it is safe for me to take sage/fig leaf tea with the medication I am on, I was prescribed anti-depressants for the hot flushes but after taking only one I was near suicidal and decided to refrain from taking them and try natural alternatives instead, hence my day on the sofa in my pj's on and off sleeping with a sort of headache that has not materialized into anything yet but my head still feels fuzzy, I have taken 2 paracetamol/codeine tablets and an anti-sickness tablet just in case I had a repeat of sickness day I experienced a couple of weeks ago. I really really hope that this is just a side effect of the rads or rads fatigue that I am experiencing and not another hormonal migrane problem. God when will this shit ever end!!! Only three more radio sessions left next week then thats over and done with stroll on wednesday!
Wednesday 18 January 2012
Beauty/bathing Products containing carcinogenic parabens/SLS/aluminum
Here's a link about traces of parabens found in BC tissue taken from various woman over a period of time it makes interesting reading and confirms that throwing away all of my beauty/bathing products containing parabens amongst other nasties was a good move:
Other nasties include trace elements of aluminum and SLS's which is short for Sodium Lauryl Sulphate (SLS) a very common chemical found in shampoos, hair conditioners, toothpaste, body washes bubble baths etc. Here's a link with more information:
Other nasties include trace elements of aluminum and SLS's which is short for Sodium Lauryl Sulphate (SLS) a very common chemical found in shampoos, hair conditioners, toothpaste, body washes bubble baths etc. Here's a link with more information:
End of the rads tunnel is in sight!
Did my rads first thing this morning, not going too bad getting used to putting my arm in the position, only 5 more sessions to go then I'm done YAY. Had my Herceptin IV, they are now arranging for me to have this at home, which would save me going to the hospital and the less time I spend in there the better.
Attended a skin clinic after rads session yesterday was told my skin looked fine and too be honest only a small amount of physical discomfort to report, still using my Aloe Vera Gel 99.9% bottle this seems to be keeping my skin in good condition and not too sore. Tiredness is another issue, I am feeling very very tired in the afternoon's and if I am at home I have a snooze for half an hour, I find this really helps and keeps me going until bedtime.
Attended a skin clinic after rads session yesterday was told my skin looked fine and too be honest only a small amount of physical discomfort to report, still using my Aloe Vera Gel 99.9% bottle this seems to be keeping my skin in good condition and not too sore. Tiredness is another issue, I am feeling very very tired in the afternoon's and if I am at home I have a snooze for half an hour, I find this really helps and keeps me going until bedtime.
The weather is really bad today so I didn't go anywhere after rads just did my food shopping and came home. Had a rather lovely chat with a couple of ladies in a charity shop, the manager knows me but has not asked me what is wrong with me ever since I've been dx she commented that I did not have my hat on and that my hair looked good, another lady in the shop commented that she thought my hair looked really good and was considering having her hair cropped like mine, little comments from well meaning strangers can go a long way to making you feel better :o)
Stroll on next wednesday when finally all the treatments will be done.
Sunday 15 January 2012
The Early bird and spiritual enlightenment
Sat at my comupter at 7.30am on a sunday morning (thankyou tamoxifen for the hot flush that woke me up!) listening to a Song Thrush singing its heart out, what a fabulous way to start the day, the sounds are so beautiful I have often listened to this bird song and feel uplifted, inspired and have always found comfort in the knowledge that most are still sleeping, I always used to start painting at this time of day and sometimes through the night, they say we are closer to god at these times the twilight is a special time of day for me.
Couple of days ago after receiving radiotherapy we decided to drive up onto the Moors on our way back down we stopped off at Buckfast Abbey where an order of Benedictine Monks reside it has the usual gift shops and restaurant but this time we also went into the Abbey, the place was so amazing the stained glass windows (all made by the monks) were totally awe inspiring, whilst walking around I was overcome with very strong emotion (this is not the first time in a place of worship) I was sort of happy but moved to tears and was battling hard to contain them, I lit a candle and said a prayer with tears running down my face, this I could not understand I am not particularly religious certainly not Roman Catholic BUT I could feel something there, when I got home I tried to make sense of this but just could not work it out, was it self pity No, was it fear No, what was this?? I approached a fellow breast cancer sufferer who just happens to be a Vicar and asked why? She pointed out that back in the Celtic Pagan religion some of which has been adopted by the christian faith that the pagans had places called 'Thin Places' (google this if you are interested) called thin because they believed that you were closer to god in such places and that the veil between life and the afterlife was thinner in certain places, it was suggested to me that perhaps I might be a sensitive (definite trait of mine being an artist) and therefore going into these places of worship I could of stumbled upon a so called 'Thin Place' I instinctively knew this too be correct and when I thought about it other religious places like Glastonbury and the Tor also the river Dart have moved me to tears again the same sort of feelings accompanied this experience, and so the penny dropped and I managed to understand these complicated and sometimes frustrating emotions.
Whilst at the Abbey a strange coincidence occurred I have always wanted to go to Lourdes in France even before I got breast cancer this was a yearning of mine, on a notice board at the Abbey an advert for a pilgrimage to Lourdes in June this year it costs quite a lot £700 pounds but includes flight and accommodation, needless to say I've taken the email address and phone number, hopefully this will come true and I will go to Lourdes, who knows I could be healed by the special waters there.
Love and light xxx
Couple of days ago after receiving radiotherapy we decided to drive up onto the Moors on our way back down we stopped off at Buckfast Abbey where an order of Benedictine Monks reside it has the usual gift shops and restaurant but this time we also went into the Abbey, the place was so amazing the stained glass windows (all made by the monks) were totally awe inspiring, whilst walking around I was overcome with very strong emotion (this is not the first time in a place of worship) I was sort of happy but moved to tears and was battling hard to contain them, I lit a candle and said a prayer with tears running down my face, this I could not understand I am not particularly religious certainly not Roman Catholic BUT I could feel something there, when I got home I tried to make sense of this but just could not work it out, was it self pity No, was it fear No, what was this?? I approached a fellow breast cancer sufferer who just happens to be a Vicar and asked why? She pointed out that back in the Celtic Pagan religion some of which has been adopted by the christian faith that the pagans had places called 'Thin Places' (google this if you are interested) called thin because they believed that you were closer to god in such places and that the veil between life and the afterlife was thinner in certain places, it was suggested to me that perhaps I might be a sensitive (definite trait of mine being an artist) and therefore going into these places of worship I could of stumbled upon a so called 'Thin Place' I instinctively knew this too be correct and when I thought about it other religious places like Glastonbury and the Tor also the river Dart have moved me to tears again the same sort of feelings accompanied this experience, and so the penny dropped and I managed to understand these complicated and sometimes frustrating emotions.
Whilst at the Abbey a strange coincidence occurred I have always wanted to go to Lourdes in France even before I got breast cancer this was a yearning of mine, on a notice board at the Abbey an advert for a pilgrimage to Lourdes in June this year it costs quite a lot £700 pounds but includes flight and accommodation, needless to say I've taken the email address and phone number, hopefully this will come true and I will go to Lourdes, who knows I could be healed by the special waters there.
Love and light xxx
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Radiation, juicing, and the wii
Been zapped with the radiotherapy today day 4 got to go everyday until the 25th Jan, went fine yesterday and today was feeling very tired/fatigued yesterday and ended up sleeping in the afternoon, feel ok today went out for a walk this afternoon very refreshing and feel better for it. Thinking that the episode I had last friday with the migraine/sickness was to do with my hormones as originally thought and not a reaction to the rads thankfully, cause I got a long way to go with the rads.
Started green juicing today first time since the beginning of the year I was going to wait until I'd finished this last lot of treatment but decided that it wont hurt to start juicing now even if I'm still eating stuff I should not be like chocolate and carbs like potatoes, will stop eating all bad foods when I've finished the rads until then I feel I going to eat what I want when I want. Have too say that the juicing is going well and I don't mind that its winter and cold, a lot of people complain that juicing in the winter does not suit them, I can relate to this but have built up a tolerance for juicing as I have been dong this since the beginning. I'm going to start a page with my own juicing recipes.
We were given a wii for xmas and I started doing yoga on it today, its quite good but will keep you posted of my progress, there is a class in the next village but it cost a whopping £5 quid and I just cannot afford that every week so next best thing is the wii at least it tells you if your doing the moves right.
Started green juicing today first time since the beginning of the year I was going to wait until I'd finished this last lot of treatment but decided that it wont hurt to start juicing now even if I'm still eating stuff I should not be like chocolate and carbs like potatoes, will stop eating all bad foods when I've finished the rads until then I feel I going to eat what I want when I want. Have too say that the juicing is going well and I don't mind that its winter and cold, a lot of people complain that juicing in the winter does not suit them, I can relate to this but have built up a tolerance for juicing as I have been dong this since the beginning. I'm going to start a page with my own juicing recipes.
We were given a wii for xmas and I started doing yoga on it today, its quite good but will keep you posted of my progress, there is a class in the next village but it cost a whopping £5 quid and I just cannot afford that every week so next best thing is the wii at least it tells you if your doing the moves right.
Sunday 8 January 2012
New Year Resolutions
My resolutions for this year 2012 are:
1. To get healthy and be cancer free
2. Enjoy life, smile and feel happiness
3. Stay away from negative hurtful people
4. Visit my spiritual home more often (Glastonbury)
5. Stick to juice diet/supplements
6. Produce more art works
7. To go with the flow
8. Go for CBT Cognitive Behavorial Therapy
9. Be kind to myself
10. Accept help where needed
11. Start Yoga or walk everyday
12. Adopt a kinder more sympathetic attitude
1. To get healthy and be cancer free
2. Enjoy life, smile and feel happiness
3. Stay away from negative hurtful people
4. Visit my spiritual home more often (Glastonbury)
5. Stick to juice diet/supplements
6. Produce more art works
7. To go with the flow
8. Go for CBT Cognitive Behavorial Therapy
9. Be kind to myself
10. Accept help where needed
11. Start Yoga or walk everyday
12. Adopt a kinder more sympathetic attitude
Saturday 7 January 2012
The day from hell!!!
Yesterday I woke up with a banging migraine headache accompanied by the usual nausea/sickness I say usual cause before I was thrown into early menopause by the chemo I used too suffer this migraine/sickness every month with my period, so yesterday woke up feeling terrible and this time was actually sick so phoned the hospital to tell them I was sick cause I am on day 3 of rads, the radiographer told me to still come in as the drs would want to see me, eventually made it into hospital (takes 45 minutes to get there) and was sick on the way twice, saw my onc (which surprised me as I never get to see him its always his registrar) told him about my history with migraines and periods but he decided we needed to scan my head, What!!! just to make sure I didn't have cancer on the brain!!!! What!! This thought never crossed my mind and totally freaked me out understandably, so no waiting 2 weeks for an appointment in to the CT scanner straight away I didn't have to drink the nasty tasting drink they give you straight on the ct scan bed for a brain scan within an hour they told me it looked fine and that I probably did just have a migraine, then I saw the registrar who was concerned that I may have meningitis ummmm where did that come from meningitis!! During all of this I was being sick almost on the hour every hour running into toilets in the hospital and throwing my guts up, it was the 2nd worst day of my life I say 2nd cause DX day get's to be the 1st and worst. I tried to take some pain killers for the migraine but they didn't work and I threw them up anyway, eventually my onc came back to me and said I could either have my rads treatment or go home I choose to go home and crawl into bed where eventually I managed to get rid of the headache and with that gone the sickness went. What a day tho, I mean it was an utter nightmare from beginning to end. I think maybe it was my usual migraine/sickness/period thing but I haven't had a period for 9 months and I am still on herceptin and tamoxifen, I'm wondering what triggered it, maybe the rads will enquire further and keep posting.
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