If you can't take the heat.........

Ok, so as you've probably guessed I've reached a corner stone. Today I went for a routine appointment with my GP and asked him for anti-depressants, why? you may ask well to be honest I've had enough of the flaming hot flushes, I've lived with them for 5 years battling on hating it feeling embarrassed whenever I go red in the face not a good look when you've put on 4 stone and have a face the colour of a tomato, not to mention the broken sleep and feeling nauseous, so finally hit the fuck it button and went to the GP's he was happy to give me Citrolapam its only 10mg at the moment he said we'd start off on low dose and build up if we have to. I just cannot carry on with the heat anymore, its ridiculous its not living, its making me bloody depressed so anti-d's it is. Of course if my cancer wasn't Estrogen fuelled I would of probably opted for some form of Estrogen based therapy. If you want to know how this is going to pan out then watch this space I shall be monitoring everything, migraines, weight, side effects (which no doubt there are), and every other shitty thing that happens or maybe it might all be alright. ha yeah right.....

A new tablet to add to the already massive selection that I am taking which includes supplements urghh.... and all this from the girl who never took a tablet or went to the Dr's in her life!

Cancer is fucking bollox.

Ah it feels so good to swear my fucking head off, fuck fuck fuck you Cancer!

Estrogen madness and migraines.....

I spoke too soon, the dreaded migraines are back.... what a bummer!
I'm still taking the beta blockers and I've increased the dosage but I still suffered with an almighty migraine yesterday and spent the whole day in bed on a concoction of drugs including and starting with Paracetamol that didn't touch it so I tried 2 Co Codamol, they took the edge off of it but only for about an hour so after 3 hours I decided to take a Sumatriptan this finally got rid of it. I am trying not to take the Sumatriptan as it can cause more headaches the more you take it, a kind of catch 22 effect. Anyway feel ok today albeit a bit frazzled around the edges but at least I can get out of bed and get on with living.

I came across this on face book and found it interesting when I went through the list I realised I had and continue to have a lot of the symptoms listed, wish I'd found this before I got cancer it may have given me an indication of what was wrong with me. I used to suffer with migraines before I got cancer and whilst going through chemo etc the headaches stopped but they seem to be creeping back and unfortunately they are worse than pre cancer migraines. I wake up with them and feel instantly sick sometimes I am actually physically sick.

Migraines doing my head in.......

Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed the cause another migraine, accompanied by the usual vomiting and nausea, didn't eat anything until about 8 at night because of the sickness makes me feel like I don't want to carry on anymore dammed fucking headache it pisses me off so much, the only thing I can do is attempt to remedy it with a cocktail of drugs starting off with Sumatriptan which failed followed by 2 paracetamol and an anti-sickness tablet the sickness tablet worked but the paracetamol was just not strong enough ended up taking 2 codeine which finally hit the spot as well as knocking me out and making me feel totally spaced out and not on this planet. At my last onc appointment it was decided that I would have an MRI scan on my head just to make sure nothing sinister was going on in the upstairs department still haven't had an appointment time for this yet.

Needed a bit of a moan about it as it is getting me down. On the upside I managed to operate normally today and am enjoying a bit of cooking so going to have some lovely healthy root veg and lentil casserole with a piece of salmon and some watercress sauce yum yum xxxxx

Radiation, juicing, and the wii

Been zapped with the radiotherapy today day 4 got to go everyday until the 25th Jan, went fine yesterday and today was feeling very tired/fatigued yesterday and ended up sleeping in the afternoon, feel ok today went out for a walk this afternoon very refreshing and feel better for it. Thinking that the episode I had last friday with the migraine/sickness was to do with my hormones as originally thought and not a reaction to the rads thankfully, cause I got a long way to go with the rads.

Started green juicing today first time since the beginning of the year I was going to wait until I'd finished this last lot of treatment but decided that it wont hurt to start juicing now even if I'm still eating stuff I should not be like chocolate and carbs like potatoes, will stop eating all bad foods when I've finished the rads until then I feel I going to eat what I want when I want. Have too say that the juicing is going well and I don't mind that its winter and cold, a lot of people complain that juicing in the winter does not suit them, I can relate to this but have built up a tolerance for juicing as I have been dong this since the beginning. I'm going to start a page with my own juicing recipes.

We were given a wii for xmas and I started doing yoga on it today, its quite good but will keep you posted of my progress, there is a class in the next village but it cost a whopping £5 quid and I just cannot afford that every week so next best thing is the wii at least it tells you if your doing the moves right.

The day from hell!!!

Yesterday I woke up with a banging migraine headache accompanied by the usual nausea/sickness I say usual cause before I was thrown into early menopause by the chemo I used too suffer this migraine/sickness every month with my period, so yesterday woke up feeling terrible and this time was actually sick so phoned the hospital to tell them I was sick cause I am on day 3 of rads, the radiographer told me to still come in as the drs would want to see me, eventually made it into hospital (takes 45 minutes to get there) and was sick on the way twice, saw my onc (which surprised me as I never get to see him its always his registrar) told him about my history with migraines and periods but he decided we needed to scan my head, What!!! just to make sure I didn't have cancer on the brain!!!! What!! This thought never crossed my mind and totally freaked me out understandably, so no waiting 2 weeks for an appointment in to the CT scanner straight away I didn't have to drink the nasty tasting drink they give you straight on the ct scan bed for a brain scan within an hour they told me it looked fine and that I probably did just have a migraine, then I saw the registrar who was concerned that I may have meningitis ummmm where did that come from meningitis!! During all of this I was being sick almost on the hour every hour running into toilets in the hospital and throwing my guts up, it was the 2nd worst day of my life I say 2nd cause DX day get's to be the 1st and worst. I tried to take some pain killers for the migraine but they didn't work and I threw them up anyway, eventually my onc came back to me and said I could either have my rads treatment or go home I choose to go home and crawl into bed where eventually I managed to get rid of the headache and with that gone the sickness went. What a day tho, I mean it was an utter nightmare from beginning to end. I think maybe it was my usual migraine/sickness/period thing but I haven't had a period for 9 months and I am still on herceptin and tamoxifen, I'm wondering what triggered it, maybe the rads will enquire further and keep posting.