Life on anti-depressants

Anti-depressants have become a part of the my life, I never expected that I would have to take medication for depression although looking back I've always been more depressive than upbeat. After being dx I thought I was doing fine, in fact with lack of oestrogen I wasn't as moody as before, leading me to believe that my mood swings were a result of out of balance hormones. Initially I was put on anti-d's for the menopausal symptoms to alleviate the hot flushes caused by an early chemical menopause (which by the way are still as horrendous as they always were) this worked for a while but eventually they stopped working and I am now back in the hot and sweaty position I was before. Trouble is I can't seem to get off them. I want to come off them as they aren't working for what I they were prescribed for. Of course I realise I probably wouldn't of been able to cope with what life has chucked at me over the past 7 years if it wasn't for the tablets.

The best way of describing being on anti-d's is that :

Normal life is full of a rainbow of colours, dazzling,vibrant, bright and alive, once your on anti-d's this rainbow doesn't stop but its muted, toned down, nothing is as bright as before, everything feels safe, everything feels beige....... 

The thing is life isn't beige, things happen, life throws curve balls in all shapes and forms, sometimes its amazingly wonderful and at other times its hard to fathom how to cope. I feel dumbed down, on the one hand I don't get stressed out about ANYTHING and I mean anything, everyone tells me how well I cope with my dx but really I don't give a shit because I'm living in the safety of a beige world where nothing touches me, apart from my dad having 2 strokes and is now in nursing home that really upset me and I actually found myself crying but not for long as the ant-d's take the edge off of everything.

Im going to try and ween myself off of them in an attempt to feel like me again. I need the colour back in my life, I need to be me again in all my kaleidoscope of colours.

Secondary Breast Cancer - After care

Hello to those that follow me or to anyone thats interested. This blog post is on a subject that is extremely important to me and anyone else who is currently dealing with secondary breast cancer dx. Its about after care, so far my team at the hospital have been amazing BUT I still don't have a dedicated Breast Cancer Nurse who specialises in a secondary dx. The general Breast Care Nurse only works on a Wednesday and Friday.

This disease as we all know affects all of us differently with 10 sub-groups and various levels to those groups, I think we would all agree that a new approach is needed if we are to move forward with our lives and living with such a dx. The disease affects everyone so differently and what might work for one doesn't necessarily work for another. Fundamentally we need help, specialised help from a dedicated secondary nurse who is at the other end of the phone (not just on a Wednesday and Friday). At the moment we have the wonderful Breast Cancer Care Charity who have a hot line to ring if you need it and I do ring it, to discuss all sorts of problems from treatments to side effects as well as personal emotional issues, but it would be a lot better if I had someone I had grown to trust and know, who understands me and my dx, who can offer real educated advice on all sorts of matters not just medical but also on an emotional level.

Here's al link to Breast Cancer Cares campaign 'Secondary, not Second Rate' https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/secondary-nursing-report.pdf this outlines my feelings on this subject and offers an insight into how we can help others live there lives with care and compassion.