2014 here we come....

Really looking forward to 2014 got a lot that IS going to happen. My partner Lee is going away to do a training course in Rigging he hopes this will set him up for a brand new career, I'm pleased he is moving forward and is not as bothered as he once was about leaving me at home alone. Lee is 13 years younger than myself and as a young man needs to feed his life he is still very young at 33 and deserves a positive break. The course is in Feb so I will be home alone for 3 weeks whilst he is there, when he does qualify it will mean he will be going away to work on a regular basis for 3 weeks stint but then he will also get 3 weeks off, the pay is excellent for this type of work so it means that when he is at home we can go off on holiday and really start enjoying life, we've been through so much together we both deserve something good to happen.

Once Lee has qualified and has done one 3 week stint the pay is so good we will be able to afford to move house which would be amazing! We love where we live but its tainted with whats happened here, yes its by the sea on the south coast of devon, yes its a beautiful area BUT and its a big one its got its down side like we've been here for 9 years we hardly know anyone not for want of trying but because people in these back waters tend to stick together and don't let anyone else in this is exasperated when you get dx with advanced breast cancer people tend to avoid me like the plague! The flat is in a great location but it has no central heating (only an open fire) very old 1950's night storage heaters that don't work properly and cost a fortune also no other services. We are surrounded by trees in quite a large wood sometimes this can get me down as its so dark and I can go for weeks without seeing anyone other than my cats. Solitude is good for the soul but too much of anything is not a good thing.

We are looking to move back up to Somerset and in particular looking at Glastonbury and the surrounding villages, my family don't live that far from this area and I have a lot more friends up there for support its a no brainer really. When we left Somerset 9 years ago it was for a fresh start and too be nearer the coastline and countryside I realise now that I miss the countryside and landscape of Somerset and have an idea about setting up studio/shop in Glastonbury this would really be like a dream come true. So moving is definitely on the cards, as is a new life and lifestyle. I instinctively feel this is a very positive move.

I hope and pray that 2014 will be a much better year and that for once all of my dreams come true. (I believe if you write it down it somehow makes it official and is more likely to come true) Here's my wish list and what I am cosmically ordering for 2014:

1. to continue to get well and healthy and to heal myself of breast cancer

2. for Lee to have some success with his new chosen career path

3. to move house somewhere on the outskirts of Glastonbury to a small cottage with its own garden

4. to be a successful, happy artist (self supporting financially) with my own studio/shop in Glastonbury

5. to have a pet dog and as I'm not going to have children a small dog would be wonderful

6. to go on holiday to the Norwegian Fjords

Happy New Year everyone.
Love and light to you all
Sarah xxxx

OMG.....

Apologies in advance to anyone reading this it is a bit of a downer and at xmas so if you don't want your happy bubble to burst I would recommend not reading it, but hey thats life and I feel the need to get this out of my system and share it.

Oh my God is a phrase we all use these day's its used to exclaim your shock at something usually something trivial but today I received an email from Chris Woollams of CancerActive to which I used the phrase OMG and not on something trivial! This simple line was what made me exclaim it "infection as a cause of cancer" the article looks into the possible link between either parasites or infection as a trigger for cancer here's a link to the article http://www.canceractive.com/cancer-active-page-link.aspx?n=1245 the reason why this was an OMG moment, because just prior to my own dx I had a virus a bad virus the doctor was called out and I was given a shot to stop me being sick I was very ill for a couple of months then early in the following year I was dx with breast cancer so you see why this is an OMG moment I believe this is what triggered my cells to mutate and that I was just plain unlucky. When I dwell on this thought I feel intrinsically that this is the cause for me anyway.

Weirdly enough this year I am again plagued by a bad virus started off with all the expected symptoms of a bad cold/flu sore throat, nose blowing, shivering, feeling hot cold and generally out of sorts infact its got so bad I went to the Dr just before xmas and he confirmed that I do indeed have a very bad lung infection to which penicillin has been prescribed, whilst the anti biotics are starting to kick in I still feel really ill and now have the added gastric gut pain. I haven't been able to go away for xmas as planned, I haven't seen any of my family or friends not only because I don't feel well enough to travel but also because I don't want any of them to catch it. So spent yesterday on the sofa just me and the cats, no xmas diner for me just a bowl of soup as have no food in because we didn't plan on being here. Its been another shit xmas, next year I wont get my hopes up like I did this year and should of known that something was going to go wrong although I didn't bank on it being my fucking body again. So there it is everyone a not so merry xmas for me and unfortunately I'm probably not the only one to feel this way on xmas day, thankfully I've woken up to blue skies and some sunshine on Boxing Day.

True hope at christmas....

Hi all,
The post today is about anniversary's or in my case cancerversary here's a link to an article written in the New York Times by someone who also shares a cancerversary and here's how he celebrates it and what it means to him, an excellent piece of writing well worth a read.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/08/fashion/Cancer-Survivors-five-year-Celebration-Day-known-as-cancerversary.html?smid=pl-share

I found this article brought a warm fuzzy feeling the kind that an open fire on a cold winters night can bring in a word comfort, its hard living with an incurable stage IV terminal disease, each year that passes makes you become more and more complacent in your life. The first year I was like a raw nerve on tender hooks every time I was called by the hospital or scanned then as the years progress I'm finding myself falling back into the happy blissful complacent place I was in before all of this shit started. Of course you never really forget its always there everyday I'm reminded in some small way that I have this disease I suppose its part of our innate capacity as human beings for survival that we shove the shit under the carpet and to coin a phrase keep calm and carry on.

True hope is the message carried in the article and whilst no one knows why we got cancer we can be grateful for riding the shit storm and coming out the other side albeit not smelling of roses but still in one piece. We are after all still here, still breathing and living if there's one thing we should all do and that is to live in this perfect moment this second in time, enjoy and love the life your living.

....... Merry Xmas everyone.......
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