Health update and two deaths RIP Abbey and Hedley

Hello all, thought I'd better provide an update on the current state of things. Eventually........ the hospital got back to me and told me I was stable (which is kind of worrying as I thought I was clear!!!) they still don't know why I was sent a letter asking me to come for yet another CT scan!!!!! I cannot be arse d to chase this up, is that wrong of me?? maybe but I'm at the stage of cannot be bothered. Stable is still good so I'm not gonna rock the boat.

Another lovely lady called Abbey B. passed away from this disease I fucking hate this shitty vile disease. RIP and fly with the angels.xxxxx

Also my best friends partner aged 62 (she's a lot younger than him and has 2 kids by him) collapsed and died unexpectedly a fortnight ago to say we are all in shock is an understatement. He was at home with his son when he collapsed with breathing problems and by the time the ambulance had arrived he was gone. His son who is 21 gave CPR but to no avail. My best friend is in a state of complete shock we have now had the funeral but it all still feels very very raw and sort of surreal. Who'd of thought it? and this has made my resolve to live for the moment ever more important. I am trying to help her as much as I can by taking cooked food around and generally being there to support her, its so very hard all I want to do is make this better which obviously is impossible as no one can bring him back. I have told her that we love her and will do anything to help her thats all I can do. Its a desperate situation what else can I say....... RIP Hedley I feel for your family at this sad time you were there world. xx

Hospital keeping me on tender hooks AGAIN.....

So you might gather that from the title of this post its not gonna be a good post. Well back in early Oct I had a CT scan the usual 3 monthly one and was told to ring for a results appointment I did phone and had an appointment a week or so ago still no results but Onc assured me that all was going to be ok and that she would phone or write with the results as she didn't anticipate it being anything bad. Fast forward onto today and I have a letter asking me to book yet another CT scan and a blood test at my local GP's so on the face of it doesn't inspire me at all in fact I feel like total shit why can't they just tell me what the fuck is wrong!!!! I mean it is my body right! All this is it bad or isn't it bad shit just tears me apart its so stressful if I didn't have anything wrong before I'm gonna get ill just from the anxiety of it all. Bloody fucking shitty hospital will keep you posted and update this later as I've spoken with Onc's secretary and told her I need some answers by the end of today otherwise I shall just keep ringing and ringing and tomorrow I shall go up there until I know what the fuck is going on.