If you can't take the heat.........

Ok, so as you've probably guessed I've reached a corner stone. Today I went for a routine appointment with my GP and asked him for anti-depressants, why? you may ask well to be honest I've had enough of the flaming hot flushes, I've lived with them for 5 years battling on hating it feeling embarrassed whenever I go red in the face not a good look when you've put on 4 stone and have a face the colour of a tomato, not to mention the broken sleep and feeling nauseous, so finally hit the fuck it button and went to the GP's he was happy to give me Citrolapam its only 10mg at the moment he said we'd start off on low dose and build up if we have to. I just cannot carry on with the heat anymore, its ridiculous its not living, its making me bloody depressed so anti-d's it is. Of course if my cancer wasn't Estrogen fuelled I would of probably opted for some form of Estrogen based therapy. If you want to know how this is going to pan out then watch this space I shall be monitoring everything, migraines, weight, side effects (which no doubt there are), and every other shitty thing that happens or maybe it might all be alright. ha yeah right.....

A new tablet to add to the already massive selection that I am taking which includes supplements urghh.... and all this from the girl who never took a tablet or went to the Dr's in her life!

Cancer is fucking bollox.

Ah it feels so good to swear my fucking head off, fuck fuck fuck you Cancer!

Estrogen madness and migraines.....

I spoke too soon, the dreaded migraines are back.... what a bummer!
I'm still taking the beta blockers and I've increased the dosage but I still suffered with an almighty migraine yesterday and spent the whole day in bed on a concoction of drugs including and starting with Paracetamol that didn't touch it so I tried 2 Co Codamol, they took the edge off of it but only for about an hour so after 3 hours I decided to take a Sumatriptan this finally got rid of it. I am trying not to take the Sumatriptan as it can cause more headaches the more you take it, a kind of catch 22 effect. Anyway feel ok today albeit a bit frazzled around the edges but at least I can get out of bed and get on with living.

I came across this on face book and found it interesting when I went through the list I realised I had and continue to have a lot of the symptoms listed, wish I'd found this before I got cancer it may have given me an indication of what was wrong with me. I used to suffer with migraines before I got cancer and whilst going through chemo etc the headaches stopped but they seem to be creeping back and unfortunately they are worse than pre cancer migraines. I wake up with them and feel instantly sick sometimes I am actually physically sick.

Migraines doing my head in.......

Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed the cause another migraine, accompanied by the usual vomiting and nausea, didn't eat anything until about 8 at night because of the sickness makes me feel like I don't want to carry on anymore dammed fucking headache it pisses me off so much, the only thing I can do is attempt to remedy it with a cocktail of drugs starting off with Sumatriptan which failed followed by 2 paracetamol and an anti-sickness tablet the sickness tablet worked but the paracetamol was just not strong enough ended up taking 2 codeine which finally hit the spot as well as knocking me out and making me feel totally spaced out and not on this planet. At my last onc appointment it was decided that I would have an MRI scan on my head just to make sure nothing sinister was going on in the upstairs department still haven't had an appointment time for this yet.

Needed a bit of a moan about it as it is getting me down. On the upside I managed to operate normally today and am enjoying a bit of cooking so going to have some lovely healthy root veg and lentil casserole with a piece of salmon and some watercress sauce yum yum xxxxx