Liar liar pants on fire....

It's been a couple of weeks since d-day where Onc told me of 'something' on my liver.... I had another CT scan just on my liver last week although they couldn't use the contrast dye as my veins were playing up so not sure how good the scan image will come out, got everything crossed it goes ok and they can see what they want to see and that it turns out to be nothing other than scar or fatty tissue. Feeling like a fraud because I told everyone the first scan came back ok, why did I do this because nobody seems to understand me well I say no one what I actually mean is everyone other than the poor women who also are afflicted with this shit. My best friend, my mum and dad, my auntie and cousins and my friends they just don't understand the hell I am going through. Its partly because they believe what they have been subjected to in the press about breast cancer no one ever discuss's metastatic breast cancer or secondaries, I have too explain to people what it is I've got. One of my good friends was of the opinion that I had primary lung cancer I had too explain that its breast cancer that has spread not primary lung cancer what makes it all the more harder is that this is such a complicated and individual disease. Another friend can't understand why I'm putting on weight I've told her its the Tamoxifen but she knows someone else who had primary breast cancer and who stopped taking the Tamoxifen after 2 years and in her words "she's not fat" I feel exasperated by this blinkered way of looking at what is a massively complicated subject. There is no hard and fast rule with this shit, if we could anticipate what was going to happen to everyone subjected to this disease we would be well on our way to a cure. This time I've lied, told a big fat porker so instead of having to reiterate the bad news to all I have kept it too myself and will continue to do so unless I absolutely have to. I'd rather tell a white lie than tell them the truth, this is my body, my bloody cancer, my shit and I'm in charge.