Epiphany and an annoyance

We will start with an epiphany so whilst reading the Guardian today I chanced across an interview with Nick Cave the rather dark/goth musician of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. The interview was about his forth coming new album but also his life and more importantly his coping strategies in the aftermath of his 15 year old son's death from using LSD, he fell from the cliffs in Brighton. Very very sad untimely early death of someone so young, must of been appalling for Nick and his family. During the interview he talked about what it's like to face such immense grief and being a creative here's what he said and I quote:

 "like there's this thing and there's no way to navigate it, it just sits there and fills up all the space, it fills your body, it's like a physical thing. You can feel it pressing against the insides of your fingers. There's just no room for the luxury of creation".

It struck me that I could relate to this from my own personal trauma with cancer whilst also being artistic, I've found painting to be difficult since this cancer shit storm started, I can't seem to get my head round it, nothing seems to matter, things I used to value aren't so important, life is lived day by day, I still cannot plan ahead or find this a difficult task, ultimately I need to get my creative mojo back, but how? Sometimes I think we just have to embrace all of what life throws at us including the confusion, the lack of self esteem or enthusiasm, we literally have to go with the flow ride out the storm in the hope of calm waters on the other side, we have to let go, what will be will be in the words of Paul Mcartney 'let it be'. In the meantime I am praying the passion I once had for my art returns and gives me back my life force.

Now for the annoyance. I'm a very forgiving individual and after a fairly rough ride over the past 2 years and a huge disappointment relating to a 'friend' I decided to let bygones be bygones and move on, she extended the olive branch and I decided to give it a go, nothing was mentioned of the recent past dispute we just acted as if nothing had happened, however since then something else has come to light which confirms my opinion of her as not trustworthy and sneaky so back to not wanting that person in my life again, it's a minor set back and in the whole scheme of things I've a lot more to be worried about, but needed to air this get it off my chest. Thanks for being here xx