I've just finished reading that wonderful book by Lorna Byrne (see last post) and ended reading it with mixed emotions, she really had a hard life not just materially but emotionally, the angels couldn't stop the horrible things happening in fact even worse they would warn her about an impeding disaster so she was ready for it wide eyes open. No thanks I'd rather not know whats about to happen to me especially if its very unpleasant. This was something I tussled with when I was dx, I was afraid of what was wrong with me, I didn't understand it and yes I was getting signals from spirit but unfortunately it was a little bit late by the time I realised I had something seriously wrong with me. The thing is you don't walk around thinking "I wonder if I've got cancer" it just creeps up on you and wallops you straight in the face, I never thought I would get cancer not for one solitary moment did that thought cross my mind, which reminds me anyone who say's be careful about what you think ie: that I thought about getting cancer and then got it, is completely off there fucking head, I didn't wish this terrible disease on myself put simply I was fucking unlucky!!!! People say flippin stupid things like "be careful what you wish for", ummm well I didn't wish for this shit I can tell you, I was busy getting on with my life keeping my head down and working hard planning for a baby then like a punch in the face I got bloody cancer and my whole world turned upside down, it feels like I've had the rug pulled from underneath me and at times I really don't know where to turn for comfort. The plan was to have a baby cancer's put an end to that, no baby as I've been thrown head long into an early menopause and the drugs I'm on will keep me that way for the foreseeable future and at the age of now 45 (then 42) its too late to have a baby so thats never going to happen, trouble is what to do? of course I'm lucky to be alive but what do I do with my time now? my original plans are fucked up and I'm having trouble getting into anything creative, I've no money to go travelling and I've no career, part of me feels like "what is the point!" the other part of me scolds myself for even thinking that way, god its a nightmare, wish it would stop and life could got back to normal, back to a life without cancer looming on the horizon.
I've spent today painting but its not inspiring or exciting me its not the celebration of life that it once used to be. All I can do is to ask my guardian angel to help me through this turmoil and show me the way forward. xxx Love and light to you all xxxx
Loving your blog
ReplyDeleteJust found it
Feel many if the same things as you
Dx feb '13; 47, 5 kids..... Swimming in a sea of confusion as to which bits oft existence I need to change to ensure my survival. Is this my job now? To continually research and look for ways to stay alive through changes tomy lifestyle??????
Hi Sue,
DeleteSorry your in the same rotten club but glad you've found my blog to be of some help to you. It is confusing to say the least all these different views and of course everyone is different and reacts in there own individual way. In answer to your question Yes this is your new job and the title is "survive sue" and the fight well thats all a matter of opinion but you would do well to add some well researched supplements to your daily arsenal as well as juicing at least 3 times a week, once your in a new routine with the diet change you will start to operate on autopilot and it wont seem so strange or alien. Sending you lots of love and light Sarah xx