Ever since my dx and right up until now there are a few things I've tried to avoid namely reading the stories of high profile celebrity's who fought and lost the battle against breast cancer, they are Caron Keating and Linda McCartney. To be honest with you I was afraid to read their stories and didn't want anything negative to affect me, however whilst channel hoping on the TV yesterday I came across a film 'The Linda McCartney Story' I sat glued to the screen I watched, got angry then cried and acknowledged her life and death. Afterwards and this morning I feel different in a sort of weird way I think I needed to learn about Linda and how she had coped with breast cancer. Part of the reason why I didn't want to know about her story before was because Linda was and had been a vegetarian she lived a healthy lifestyle and was able to afford the very best not only in general living but in treatments for her disease, similarly was the Caron Keating story another rich healthy, young vibrant woman taken to soon by this evil disease. I suppose looking into there lives and deaths I have sort of exercised a demon, certainly a deeply held fear, I am not afraid of death (when your not here you don't suffer, its those that are left behind that feel sadness and grief) its the process of dying that I'm in fear of, will I be in pain? will it be quick? who will look after Lee and the cats? sounds ridiculous when you write it down but these thoughts have occupied my mind on and off ever since I was dx nearly 2 years ago (2 years on March the 11th). I don't accept that I'm dying, I am however living and breathing, I'm still in a stable condition with hardly any symptoms this I am eternally grateful for.
In homage to Linda and Caron today I'm going paint like I've never painted before, like its the last painting I will ever do. RIP Linda and Caron.
Love and light Sarah xxx
Link to Linda's Story http://www.wingspan.ru/bookseng/linda/17.html
Link to Carons's Story http://realityandbiscuits.blogspot.co.uk/2011/03/caron-keating.html
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