It's one of those days (a worrying trend lately) I feel out of sorts, emotional like I'm gonna cry any second, why you may ask? well I don't quite know why? I certainly have good cause to feel upset (in the middle of waiting for a heap load of scan results) but its not even that.
I've just started listening to Nirvana I was never really into them before but for some reason I am drawn to this particular band and its dead lead singer Kurt Cobain he tragically died after shooting himself in the head, he suffered a lifetime of possibly bi-polar symptoms a classic raw talent taken too soon, his story made me feel that life is so pointless and needed some answers so googled Kurt Cobain and channelling sure enough I found blogs and written stories of mediums channeling Kurt, interestingly the questions and answers were very informative and did bring some comfort BUT its left me feeling low. I decided to ask a few questions of spirit myself the main one today is "how can I carry on?' you can imagine my surprise when all of a sudden a definite answer came to me "your faith is your strength" wise words indeed and upon further pondering I believe to be the truth. Without my faith I would be an empty vessel wandering aimlessly on this planet, weirdly my faith anchors me to the earth (you would think this would be the opposite). I suppose some would say that I'm being too self indulgent but to me having faith is the difference between life or death.
Recently I've been to see some mediums and clairvoyants one of the things that stuck out for me from the strongest reading was that my problem is "you don't believe that what you think has any effect" this I am informed is my major problem and I have to say that to some extent this is in my opinion true. I suppose its because I don't believe I thought myself ill in other words I didn't think myself into breast cancer did I? so it stands to reason that I would believe that thoughts have no effect, also if it was true then thinking that you don't have breast cancer would surely be the cure. Apologies if I am confusing you but this is what is going on in my bloody head at the moment and I need to get to the bottom of it, instinctively feel this is very important. This theory keeps being presented to me only the other day I came across this short speech by the Actor Jim Carey http://youtu.be/V80-gPkpH6M his speech was about asking the universe for help in fact asking for whatever you want and believing in yourself. Carey talks about his mission in "The church of freedom from concern". The questions he poses are interesting and important "how will you serve the world?" "what have you got to offer others?" he goes on to say "risk being seen in all of your glory" this echo's some of what Kurt had said through the medium that his purpose was to teach "self expression through his music" this blew me away.
Later on in the evening I had a conversation with F. (fellow breast cancer patient and friend) we discussed the whole 'you are what you think' concept and she offered an alternative answer. Not that either of us thought ourselves ill but maybe our thought patterns at that time had in some way contributed to a low immune system which in tern brought about the cancer. I for one was in a bad way prior to being dx I was unemployed, depressed, and miserable my self esteem was at an all time low and I literally didn't want to wake up. It makes sense to me that this state of mind may of proved the perfect recipe for the immune system to fall flat on the floor, inviting in all manner of nasties including cancer. This makes more sense to me that just simply thinking yourself sick.
I wholeheartedly agree! Just before my diagnosis I was redundant, treated badly by people I worked with, always felt negative and putting thoughts of "what if I died young" into my head! Why did I do that? The Universe was listening because then I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
ReplyDeleteLove and light always
Dani