It's been a little over a month since my best friends partner died suddenly, we've had the funeral and the awkward first visit afterwards helped by having a bonfire in his name. The emotional side of this has really hit me I can't stand that she has to endure this, she looks so lost and frail at the moment. I am trying all I can to help her carry on because thats what she has too do carry on. In a weird way I do understand exactly what she's going through although my own death was in the form of my old life pre cancer days, its hard but you have to pick yourself up you can't live a life engulfed by grief there has to be an end to the perpetual tears and what if's, its early days for my friend and I am living proof that you do and can get over what appears to be the insurmountable.
So moving forwards, here we are again another Xmas I am truly grateful to be seeing it even though I've had a quite a few nasty hospital experiences this year I am doing ok and starting to feel actually happy for the first time in such a long time, my view of the world has forever changed and although I've grown and moved forward I can honestly say that I've also picked up some virtues I didn't think I would ever accept as part of me. Since dx I don't suffer fools very easily, I tell people how I see it warts and all approach if they don't like it so bloody what! in the words of Cheryl "I don't care" and I really don't. This is not a bad thing as some might think its a mark of becoming strong and having the courage to face life head on not accepting any shit is important, I realise before I was a bit flaky and a doormat. Not anymore. Please don't miss understand me I am not a hard nut I am still compassionate, caring and loving but I don't take no shit not anymore.
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