A new ache........

Hi all,

Its been a while since I posted I've been busy with art stuff all good and very exciting I am terribly happy about it BUT as per usual something is nagging me...... its an ache and its in my hip bone WTF is it! could just be natural deterioration of a unnaturally chemo aged body or is it a sign of something else? Only one way to find out and thats a visit to the doctors and a bone scan urghhhhhhhh.....FFS!!

Its not just an ache when I lie on that side in bed it hurts a dull deep ache, I know that on a couple of my CT scan reports there was some discussion "There is a well defined area of sclerosis in the right SI joint" and in the most up to date report that I have a copy of it detailed again as "Sclerosis adjacent to the right SI joint which is static. Ummmmm so it appears there is something in that area that is causing me pain some sort of degradation of tissue the pain is similar to the dammed tennis elbow which I am suffering in my right elbow but in the hip area so could be arthritic. Any way back to the Doc's with this one. Just when everything seems to be going right this turns up......its not going to dampen my exciting developments with my art works and the fact a major publishing house has offered me a contract. YAY..... happy dance..... ouch!!!!! better tone down the hip swinging on the right hand side lol.

Seriously though it is a bummer every ache and pain has the potential to be something sinister cancer related, certainly something to add a dose of terror into daily life, every time you wonder is this it? what is that? and WHY THE FUCK ME? every time........

People say " I could get knocked down by a bus or crash my car" trying to put a sort of semblance of normality into the situation, it doesn't matter how many ways you look at it and from what angle its still terrifying knowing you had cancer that it did spread and that it could always pop up its ugly little head whenever it feels like it for no apparent reason, its like having a noose wrapped round your neck all the time waiting for it to tighten, holding your breath, something I apparently do quite a lot in my sleep, holding my breath a sure sign of latent anxiety lurking in the background. Anyway not gonna let it get me down today got too much creativity in me now need to go paint and listen to A-ha and the drop dead gorgeous Morten Harket singing "Summer moved on"