Life goes on.....

We are still coming to terms with the tragic loss of our lovely Ted we also found out on the same day that one of my close friends mother had lost her battle with Myeloma Cancer we were dx at the same time 3 years ago and had built up a support network for each other both of us enjoying juicing and living life healthy then wallop she's gone, the chemo she had been on stopped working this coupled with a fall in the night where she broke her leg (she was 70) was the final straw and she was put in the hospice and never came out. We will be going to her funeral tomorrow and yet again I am reminded how fragile our existence really is. The weird thing was Christine was also an avid cat lover maybe Ted and Christine are together I know he's in good hands with her. Its so hard Teddy was such a character cat and loved the woodland garden. We walked down through bluebell wood this afternoon and it was stunning somehow it just didn't seem the same without Teddy he loved this time of year.

So, life moves on. Lee has booked up his training course for the offshore Rigging in May and will be away for a week and a half when he returns we will take the next step and see about getting him some offshore work for a 3 week period after which we will be able to afford to move which is what we both want now more than ever due to our recent loss.

I had an oncologist appointment to find out what the hell was going on with the 'something' on my Liver apparently the radiologist wont budge and continues to sit on the fence ie: he wont say whether or not it is cancer. So we are back in square one again and I'm to have yet another blasted CT scan in about 6 weeks time!!! because of the back log. I ask you this is so fucking out of order. I feel like giving up. Then I was asked about my migraines to which I replied yes still getting them infact they have increased last week I had 3 and so far I've woken every day this week with a migraine. Thanks to Sumatriptan I am able to function but its not good to wake daily with extreme nausea and a pounding headache so now they want to do an MRI scan on my head to determine if its cancer or just normal migraine stuff, like ya do!!! The only plus from the appointment was that she (registrar not onc) asked how I was doing on the Tamoxifen I decided as we were being honest and open that I would let rip about the shit. I told her about my aching joints and my massive weight gain nearly 4 stone! she agreed that the side effects were extreme (not everyone will react this way) and that weight gain was definitely a result of taking the drug, they have decided to re-check my blood and see if I am through the menopause if I am then they will take me off the dreaded Tamoxifen and replace with another AI that apparently does not cause weight gain although the joint pain might increase. I don't mind this as my joints are taking a bashing with all this excess weight that I've been carrying around. Bloody hope and pray I am through the menopause. It was left that I shall go back for results in July!! seems like a long flipping wait then! Going to see GP about changing hospital only trouble is I'm worried that if I do it now that things could be forgotten about during the transition, so not sure whether its bad timing to change at the moment.

I've been trying to paint but all this shit the deaths, the drugs, just general cancer shite doesn't inspire me to be creative. However I have managed to finish one painting and I've got some prints done so will drop off at a lovely gallery in Weston.

Will keep you posted as too the Liver and now the Head crap. xx