The past week has been yet another emotional roller coaster starting with my beautiful friend called Sooz bless her heart at 39 she's been diagnosed with something equally as horrible as my shit its called POEMS Syndrome and is a really rare, she texted me from her hospital bed with a infarcted spleen, drips draining 6 and a half litres of fluid off of her tummy, two different types of drip fed anti biotic's and a morphine line, she literally took my breath away, living so far apart doesn't help as the mind plays games with you and I had started to imagine all sorts of horrors, although after speaking to her partner who filled me in on her condition it appears she reached a crisis point last thursday this proved to be a turning point and yesterday she even managed to eat something, her team at the hospital are implementing a plan of action which involves a special kind of chemo (its the only condition they give chemo for that isn't actual cancer!) and apparently the dead tissue in her spleen will take 5 days to dissolve so she's to stay on morphine until this has dissolved, on the bright side she is young and this syndrome usually affects older people in there 70's, with a bit of hope and praying to god she will come through this she could carry on living with this incurable condition for many years.
The most important private view of my life where on the very day I was supposed to be revelling in my artistic accomplishments I lost my voice!!! Lee thought it was a blessing lol but honestly it made attending the event impossible how could I talk to potential clients when I had no voice apart from the fact the bug that had induced the lost voice was pretty severe and I ended up camped out on the sofa feeling really ill and sounding atrocious a course of anti-biotic's have of course remedied the bug but not in time for the private view, oh well I thought I'll at least I will have the big art competition to look forward to the competition in question was the Landscape Artist of the Year held in Cornwall on sunday of course I wasn't exactly 100% and had Sooz on my mind all day, but thought sod it its the biggest and only competition I've ever entered and they've offered me a wildcard spot so off we trotted to deepest Cornwall at stupid o'clock laden with everything but the kitchen sink. I ignored the weather all the way there and decided the sun was going to shine for me just this once but no you've guessed it it poured horizontal rain all fucking day I thought I was totally prepared for every eventuality including rain bought a rain mac and large umbrella however I hadn't banked on the driving rain (a bit of drizzle would of sufficed) and the fact the umbrella couldn't be attached to my easel. I stood for nearly 6 hours in the pouring rain not one judge and no presenters came round to interview me so by about 2 o'clock I thought sod this I'm not exactly well (cough cough) and feel like shit now my painting has blown over in the gale which accompanied the rain and is completely ruined so with great disappointment I reluctantly packed up all of a sudden the director came over and asked "can we interview you as we haven't had anyone walk out of the competition without finishing" I again reluctantly said yes due to the shitting form I had filled in prior to the comp giving them permission to film me to which the interview went like this " so why are you leaving?" she said this to me whilst I am stood in the pouring rain literally soaking wet with a painting that was gradually sliding off the canvas to which I replied "isn't it obvious" the rest is a blur and didn't do anything for my moral or nerves came away feeling utterly depressed even started to beat myself up about the fact that I was depressed.
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