I've had a mixed bag of a month and both ends of the scale extreme high's and rejoicing at selling one of my paintings for over a £1,000 pounds also at the other end so low I could lie down and die. Its is of course down to the hideous hormones and the equally horrible drugs with side effects that are keeping me alive urghhhhh....... its a conundrum and a pretty important one at that. One of the side effects of Zoladex is yet more weight gain and after feeling pretty good with myself about losing a stone I've now put on nearly half a stone and I'm pretty sure its down to the Zoladex oh fucking joy!
So after a break of nearly 4 months I've received a letter from the hospital requesting I attend a CT scan, FFS!!! The scans are obviously necessary BUT they don't half get on my nerves. The staff can never find a decent vein all thanks to chemo they invariably have to go get a doctor because they've exhausted there 3 attempts the doctor tries to put the needle into all the veins I've told them wont work because of chemo and eventually after a good half an hour of poking and prodding they resort to sticking it in my foot I always leave feeling sorry for myself and it takes a couple of days to get over the whole bloody affair. So as you will gather this has put me in a not so good mood and whilst Iv'e tried to put it to the back of my mind I find myself thinking WHY THE FUCK ME? and of course there's the added anxiety of results and the what if's?
This is the last week of my art exhibition and Iv'e got a few more visitors coming to stay then in June I am hoping that everything will go a bit calmer and that I might feel a bit happier. June is one of my favourite months all the flowers are out and if the weathers alright it really is paradise on earth in the countryside.
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