Finished the rads last wednesday YAY, skin feeling sore and tight not so yay :0( also had another 2 day migrane/nausea going to see my onc on Monday the 6th Feb so will discuss this with him as well as the severe hot flushes/night sweats causing me to wake-up, the neuropathy (nerve damage) in both feet and hands, the incessant dry coughing, and the back/shoulder pains. Busy making a list to take in with me as I do forget things, now that the chemo has fogged my brain. Totally wiped out! Feel constantly tired and fatigued. So just waiting now for the next CT scan to see if all this treatment has worked, praying that everything is still 'tiny and stable' just like before xmas or better yet NED (no evidence of disease).
I feel like I'm living on the edge of my nerves most of the time emotionally fraught, its not the cancer its the thought and the knowledge that it will eventually kill me, the best analogie is its like watching a 10 ton truck hurtling towards you and not being physically able to get out of the way, people say things like "you could get run over by a bus" "none of us know when our time is up" at least if I was going to be hit by a bus I would be killed instantly and not have the agonizing knowledge of my impeding death, these statements even though they are well meaning actually are a huge cop out of facing whats actually wrong with me, lets face it they would not be saying any of those things if I did not have cancer, I suppose people try to go around the issue of cancer by using those excuses, it's like when someone say's one of those one liners to me its a way of shuting me up, and not facing whats wrong with me probably because I don't look ill they just cannot correlate that I am terminally ill.
Then theirs the people that just avoid me cause they either cannot cope with it or just don't know what else to say again these people mean well to a certain extent but why does it make me feel like I've done this on purpose just to make everyone feel uncomfortable or upset of course I know I have not done this intentionally no one knows why anyone gets cancer or as my oncologist put it "if we knew what caused cancer we would have a cure" its the scourge of society and has been for a very very long time. I read recently that an egyptian mummy was put through a CT scanner and they found tumors on the prostate/pelvis and spine of the unfortunate individual indicating that they had died of cancer interesting read heres the link http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2093675/2-200-year-old-Egyptian-mummy-prostate-cancer.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
end of today's annoyance and back to the beautiful wintery sunny day outside.
Love to all
XXX
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