Warning severe swearing alert.
A totally gorgeous day of full on sunshine, thoroughly enjoyed it and secretly revelled in the fact that the horrible neighbours that live in the downstairs flat have moved out, its taken them 4 days but at last..... they have departed......thank fuck for that. They were the worst neighbours we have ever had in the 8 years we have been living in this flat, they moaned and whinged constantly to the landlords who in turn wrote nasty spiteful letters venting there disgust at what the OAP's downstairs had complained about, started off with where we parked our car, then it moved onto a moan about our old car being parked outside our garage or the fact that I had not done the rockery for a long time she actually said too me " we have too look at it" to which I replied well why don't you do the rockery for a change I've done it for 8 fucking years and I'm not feeling up to it at the moment, still feeling the effects of all the drugs I've been on and continue to take for this breast cancer shit, then she went onto to state "you've finished all your treatment" what a fucking bitch!!! none of her business and I told her for the record I hadn't finished my treatment I was going to be on it indefinitely, her response was to walk off with no comment. So its a big flipping hurrah from me, that they are going going gone!!! Yipeee.
This does however beautifully illustrate other peoples reaction to breast cancer, I didn't tell her what had happened to me but someone must of said something, she then went onto assume that I was all cured and better now that I'd finished my treatment!!!! This sort of retort is annoying to say the least, people tend to assume that all breast cancer is treatable and after some treatment you are cured, they don't get it that there are 10 sub-groups of this shit and everyone has too be given a tailor made treatment plan because we aren't all the same. I think because I look ok that everyone wrongly assumes that I am over it, I am not fucking over it I never will be over it, its still the first thing I think upon waking in the morning, I work very hard at trying to put it to the back of my brain bearing in mind we are talking of the same brain that was put through an MRI scan last week for suspected brain mets, this is my reality this is what I live with daily there is no let up, it just goes on and on. I stay as positive as possible, I pray and give thanks daily for life and living, I attend spiritual healers and I look after myself as much as possible, all it takes is for one stupid thoughtless insensitive comment and I'm right back at square one again, feeling angry, annoyed, upset, frightened and generally terrified, I think you get the picture. No one knows what its like to live with cancer until your up close and personal with it you really can't know what its like unless your in the same position.
You might think from reading this blog that I am obsessed with this breast cancer shit, quite honestly I'm pretty good with it, I don't tell everyone about it, I don't talk about it daily (only on this blog) and I try my hardest to see some good in being dealt a bad card.
Whilst receiving spiritual healing the other day my healer told me she had received a message from 'the other side' in answer to my question, I said " I didn't ask you any questions" she said " probably a sub-concious question" the question was "why me?" the answer was she said an image of strands of DNA. To which she told me it was already written in my DNA why I got cancer, it was a freak of nature that I had developed breast cancer, she also told me it had nothing to do with my smoking as a younger woman or eating red meat, quite simply my blueprint was fucked from the start. Its taking me a while to digest this information and I'm still working on it mentally, will post when I've had more time to decipher it.
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